She watched him. And while she saw him this now, she could see him in the when.
When they were younger. When they were more foolish. When they had no idea. When forever was in the making.
But sometimes, the forever you wish for ain’t the forever that you get. She thought as her hands trembled. Her back was getting clammy as her heart tried to calm itself down but failed at the attempt.
Without even touching him she remembered clear as day how the touch of his skin felt like. How his hand fit so perfectly into hers.
With just a twitch on his lip she could her his voice in her mind. How he would say those loving word in that special accent, and mostly she remembered how those words made her feel.
As if watching a movie about their past, memories flashed before her.
The littlest things. The late night phone calls. The way he stroked her back. How he would write her little notes. And how they enjoyed surprising each other.
The littlest things that might seem insignificant to others felt like the most vital in her life at that moment.
Oh! The things she wanted to whisper to him.
She had written them down. All the words that she had been afraid to say, but had never left her mind as the memory of him still stayed fixed.
She unfolded the paper three times and her writing came out to breath the fresh air. She started reading to the wind.
“All the nights we stayed up talking, the words would come for hours and hours. But now the words don’t come as easily anymore.
You used to talk about how you tended to flee from love in the past, and here I stand, ashamed of being the one who fled from us.
I saw our future.
Not one, but many possible futures. Some were wonderful, just thinking about them makes me smile. But too many of them ended with you hurt.
I saw how history might repeat itself.
I saw you!
The most amazing person I’ve ever known, and the only person who’s ever really known the true me.
I got scared and I ran! With tail between my legs I ran faster than I’ve ever done. For a long time I didn’t even dare to look back.
But the thing about true love that I’ve come to learn is that it never really leaves.
You can move on, body and soul, but somehow true love lingers in your heart forever.
I wish I could have been the right girl for you.
In many ways I was a perfect fit, but being a piece that fits doesn’t necessarily make it the right piece.
I fled so that you could have an opportunity the real happiness and the absolute perfect love that you deserve.
I might regret it. Probably for the rest of my life. But as soon as I know that you’re as happy as can be, the pain will be worth it.
I love you, now and forever.”
The wind took a hold of her words, but were unable to carry them all the way. As the kind wind met his face it was just a wordless whisper.
She watched him from afar as her words were finally spoken. Then she folded the paper three times and turned her back to his smiling face.
One last time she looked at him over her shoulder and smiled when she saw him laughing. She had seen him that happy, more than once, and to see him like that again was all she needed.
©Christina de Vries