Can I go out and play? Can I? Can I? Can I?

This is the feeling I’ve been having for the most of this day. Working in an office can be challenging when you’re in a really good place creatively. Suddenly my head is so filled with poetry and the next chapter of my book that I have to concentrate on what to answer when a customer calls.

Suddenly, all the words in my emails are so unimportant. The rational part of my mind tries to calm me down and trying to get me back into the zone of working, and it manages to do so from time to time. But then there’s that other part of me that needs to come out kicking and screaming, telling me that she is ready to conquer the world! This girl puts my fingers and my voice on some kind of autopilot. I’ve answered the same mails many times, answered most of the same questions that comes after the ring of my office phone. I do what is required of me and with a little sprinkle on top. A tiny poem in an email just because I can’t help myself. Making extra conversation with the man coming to pick up his KitchenAid machine because I can tell he needs to talk. He longs for someone to listen as he tells the stories of how things were in the good old days. I find my everyday pleasure right there. In those tiny moments of smile and laughter that is so easily taken for granted. In the ocean of inspiration they might just seem like tiny drops, but lots and lots of tiny drops can surprise you to turn into an ocean you could have never seen coming.

My mind screamed at me ALL day. Giving me fragments of poems I haven’t yet started. I fumbled and grasped my pen or my phone as often as I could to take notes on them. To not forget what does small drops of inspiration brought to me. My mind wanted to fly away on a cloud, put me down on a mountain top with nothing but a couple of pens, a notebook and a magical cup that could present any hot beverage I desired at any given time. I would write and write until my hands got sore, and then I would write some more.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the computer screen. Without even noticing I had typed three letters. Because the feeling that I first felt wasn’t really true. Because the I didn’t realize how incredibly lucky I was to be so inspired by those things that can seem meaningless more often than not.

Three letters glowed at me:

JOY

And I realized that it doesn’t matter where I am, what kind of job I do or what sort of hot beverage is in my cup. What matters is that even though I’m doing what I have to do, my mind is still finding time to do what I love to do. It takes me on unexpected adventures. Stores ideas and experiences. The voices and faces of people that I get to meet. That girl that dominates my mind, she is what makes this life so amazing no matter the imperfections or failures. She travels with me, but most of all I travel with her. And no matter if it’s scary or wonderful the set destination always looks different, but at the same time it is always the same.

JOY!

pinup

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9 thoughts on “Can I go out and play? Can I? Can I? Can I?

  1. I experience many similar thoughts; I’m guessing a ton of us do. For me, I get hit with the realization that I must push ahead with my writing so that I can leave my “job.” All I want to do is be a FT writer. I’m fortunate that I have a job that gives me a lot of free time. I used to waste a mountain of it (just browsing or playing flash-games). Now I use most of it to do research for my novels, great names or… blog.
    Daniel

    • I can definitely relate to this. I also have a job that allows me to have somewhat of a good amount of free time that I didn’t know how to use in a productive way for a while. Now I’m finally getting into a good rhythm and I notice that the more I push myself to write everyday, the more I feel addicted to it! It’s a good feeling for a little ginger girl who also dreams about being a FT writer 🙂

      • What genre do you read/write?
        Daniel

      • When it comes to reading I find joy in most genres. There are good books and books in all fiction genres. But I seem to fall back to sci-fi, horror and romance.
        And the writing that I’m doing these days are a lot of poetry and I’m working on a sci-fi novel.

        What are your favorite genres to read/write?

      • Mostly drawn to medieval Fantasy/horror; I also write Philosophy.

      • Fascinating!!! The big mystery of the mind 🙂 an adventure where you can explore infinitely:)

  2. This rang very true for me – its so hard not to let what you have to do swamp what you want to do. Finding pleasure in the everyday is definitely the way to keep sane! Good luck with your writing!

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