A Love Letter of Sorts

To the one that started it all

You were the first. The one that I compared everyone to for years. I’m pretty sure you never really understood how much I loved you, and I’m even more sure that it was completely unfair to everyone that was ever compared to you.

I never really had you, but still, I looked for you in the eyes of others. I tried to taste you on other people’s lips, but you were nowhere to be found. Eventually, I managed to let go, but there’s still a special place in my heart for you. There always will be.

You were the first one I fell head over heels in love with, and nothing will ever be exactly like that. First love is hard, painful and messy, but also beautiful in its own way.

I love that we still stay in touch, and even though we didn’t get a happily ever after, I made a friend for life. 

I love you 💛

To the one I wronged

I’m so sorry! You didn’t deserve that, and no matter how many times I apologize, it will not change the past. Never the less, let me say it again; I’m sorry.

I heard you got married, and you now have a family of your own. I’m so happy for you, and I wish you all the best💛

To the one that steered me

You came into my life when I was at the start of a big journey. You broke me, but you also steered me in the right direction. I’m forever more cautious with my heart because of you, but I’m also eternally grateful for the help to find the road that got me to where I am today.

I spent a lot of time feeling hurt because of all that happened between us, and also a lot of time was spent growing and learning to love myself as much as I hoped that you would have loved me. 

I appreciate the apology you sent my way. It was good for me to finally get some real closure. 

People come into our lives to teach us, or to learn from us. I think we learned from each other. 

I hope you find the one that you thought for a moment that I was. I hope your path will take you to the most magical places, and I want you to know that even though you taught me how to let go, I will always be here for you 💛

To the one who played the part

Thinking back to what we had and what we were (if we really were anything) is still painful. Until I met you, I wasn’t even sure if I could really fall in love again. I was on the road to giving up, but there you were. 

You looked at me like no man had ever done. There was something in your eyes, and in the way you acted, that made me so sure that we were in the same place. I took down all my walls for you, and I fell head over heels. I was so sure that you felt the same way. 

But I was so wrong and to this day I’m not even sure if you only fooled me, or if you were fooling yourself at the same time. I kind of hope that it’s the latter, because if I was the only one fooled then that’s just pure cruelty. I want to believe that you’re better than that.

You played the part perfectly though, I’ll give you that. 

My walls are stronger now, maybe even higher, because of you. There’s a doubt that’s grounded in me, and I can’t seem to let go of it, even though I did let go of you. 

I’m grateful for knowing that I can fall as hard as that again, but I’m equally terrified. You did that. 

I forgive you, but I will never forget it💛

To the one that disappeared

You were very unexpected. Suddenly you were in my life, and you seemed so happy to be there. You made me hopeful and excited for what was to come. 

And then you disappeared. Like a ghost, you were just gone. The only thing left was a whisper of all the words that were said and all the questions I was left with. 

I have no idea what happened, and I guess I probably never will. I thought you were better than that. I thought you were different. 

After we’d been on a couple of dates I wrote in my journal that I was very grateful for meeting you, but I also wrote that being optimistic about love was really hard. 

This is why.

I hope you’re happy, wherever you are, and whatever it is that you’re doing now. I also hope that you never ghost another girl like you ghosted me. That shit is painful and so childish. Be better than that 💛

To the ones I have not met yet

You are all faces, stories, and pasts I haven’t gotten to know yet. If I seem a bit scared at first, it’s because I am. I don’t know who of you will stay, or who will go. I have no way of knowing who’s steering, who’s acting, who might just disappear without a reason, or who might actually want to share a future. 

I don’t know if you are here for a few seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months or years. And I guess that’s part of the beauty of it. I will not ask you to make impossible promises. I will not ask you to promise to never leave. 

But there is something I want to ask of you. No, I’m not asking, I’m begging. 

Please, be kind.

Please, be honest.

Please, be you and nothing else💛