After the pain of a breakup or a fallout from a relationship, whether it’s a longterm one or “just” dating for a while, there will come times where the pain will resurface.
Moving on doesn’t mean that you stop loving the person. For me, when I move on from a relationship where there’s been love involved, the love doesn’t necessarily go away. I think that true love, for both lovers and friends, means that you want the best for that person, no matter if that involves you or not. And in the cases of unrequited love especially, there’s that part of me that wants nothing but happiness for the other person even though it hurts like hell knowing that I won’t be a part of that happiness.
Time heals, but after the moving on from what ended, it can still be painful to watch the lover of the past move on with someone else. To see that look in their eyes that used to be so familiar, being sent someone else’s way can be hard. To know that the fingers that used to intertwine with yours are now getting to know the feel of another hand. That the lips you used to kiss are kissed by someone else. It can feel a bit like ripping up an old wound. It’s kind of like looking at a mirror that’s just off. One that shows part of what you remember and also part of what you thought the future would look like.
A little while ago I experienced just that. I was the witness of someone that was a big part of my life obviously moving on with someone new. They looked so happy together. They looked like there was no one else in the world but the two of them.
As I looked at them I was so happy for the two, but I also felt like something split open inside of me. I felt a whole range of emotions in such a short period of time, and I was completely overwhelmed and unprepared for it.
So, I did what I normally do when I encounter moments where I find myself a bit lost. I took time to myself, both alone and with people that I love and trust. I was very mindful of everything I felt. I wrote, a lot. And I processed.
I don’t have the answers to why we feel like we do, or what the right path to go is, but here’s where my thoughts gathered:
Even though I moved on, there’s still love.
Even though there’s still love, doesn’t mean that I want you back.
Even though I don’t want you back, I want you to be happy.
And even though I’m happy for you, it still might hurt.
All the best, that’s my wish for you, and for me❤️
Christina de Vries 
beautiful words!
Thank you ☺️
Hey there Christina! So glad I finally was able to get to this entry. I’d seen you post about it on IG stories and absolutely LOVED the photos you posted along with it. Looks so much like lavender fields, which promotes relaxation and tranquility, which is highly important when moving on from any sort of broken relationship.
Ugh, I hate to share that I have a fair amount of experience in this realm on several different levels. Not only broken romantic relationships, but close relationships too. It is never easy. On one hand, I can say that practically all of my severed relationships have been pretty much ended by yours truly, but that doesn’t make it easy when I see people moving on.
True love is real and I don’t believe that it ever goes away, it just changes. All the people I have removed from my life I still love very deeply, I just happen to love myself that much more. So much so that I simply cannot fully love myself and them at the same time, for whatever reason. For me it usually comes down to principle. If me loving you impedes my self-love in any way, it’ll always be me over you. It leaves me more alone, and sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the sacrifice, but I haven’t found anyone worth giving some of that up for.
I have one ex who I was madly in love with. Madly like madly, and madly like crazily. That volatile love that does no good in the long run. When we finally ended things, or I said, “move on with your life and let me go” he actually did that and I can’t say it didn’t sting a little. After all the good/bad/ups/downs, as much as I loved this person, I knew deep down we would never work. But when I saw him with someone new….that was definitely a blow to my ego! Even years later when it crosses my mind I still get a little down on myself for a little while until I remind myself: 1. I ended things, and 2. I am free of this person’s BS.
I have another ex, who was always more of a friend than an ex, but there has been a lot of love nonetheless. We have known each other for almost 20 yrs. And it all started with me falling head over heels for him. He is one of those confirmed bachelors who will never settle down. And when I was still a teenager I always dreamed of locking him down and making him mine. And it has taken me almost two decades to learn that people don’t change. People don’t change and we love and accept them as they are even if we can’t be with them. So with this friend/ex, I love him. I love him like family. We are at that stage of love where there’s pretty much nothing he could do wrong, my love is unconditional. But, I know what our limits are. I know that I can never, and would never even bother, to try and change him. He is who he is and I love that. I want him to be happy.
Also, I’ve got family relationships that have been through the ringer. That is probably the deepest hurt, even moreso than a relationship. But again, at the end of the day, do I love myself enough to stand by what I believe to be right and at the cost of a relationship? In most cases, yes. I can love you, I’ll just love you from a distance. I will only wish and hope for good in your life, I just have to stay away. I can love you so much, but still be hurt and even upset that things couldn’t be different.
I also journal about it. I try not to spend too much time wishing things were different and try to instead focus on what I feel and what I believe and how to take time for me and focus on that. Which helps greatly! Even just writing out this post was quite cathartic.
I’m not sure if you’ve seen this particular meme, but it’s attitude I maintain in these types of situations in order to keep myself from ever getting too down on me. It’s Leonardo DiCaprio (the most gorgeous man on the planet) holding up a glass in a tux ready to cheer, from Great Gatsby–and the caption reads: “Happy National Ex Day: I’d wish you the best but you already had it.”
Christina–you are such a great girl. I am SO happy I found you and even more happy that we have been able to get to know one another despite the distance. I firmly believe we will finally be able to meet up and hang somewhere on the planet. But I just have to say, the things I have learned about you this past year are traits that are so vital to any relationship, yet seem to be so lacking in people these days. You are honest. You are committed. You are kind. You are thoughtful. I hope that you soon are able to work through all these feelings and come out more in love with yourself ❤
I love your long comments Stephanie! They bring me so much joy and it always warms up this heart of mine!
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you’re writing here. I to have ended my share of relationships (of different kinds), and sometimes think back on them. I try not to dwell in the past, but I do fall into the world of what-ifs sometimes. I usually get out of them pretty fast though, and I remind myself of all the reasons why it ended in the first place.
Unrequited love is a bit different sometimes. It takes a bit longer to get over it at times, and I find it harder to completely let go of all the hopes and dreams that once was.
Thank you so much for all the kind words! I can’t wait for the day that we get to sit together, face to face, and talk about life, love and everything else over a few bottles of wine! I know it will happen soon ☺️Thank you for being your awesome self!
Lots of love ❤️