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Never Know – POEM

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 There was a genuine fear

Of the unknown

He pushed with one hand

And held tight with the other

Afraid to miss out

Too scared to give in

He wanted answers

That no one could give

He wanted promises

Where none could be made

She kissed the hand

That held on

Opened up his fingers

And slipped away 

When he wasn’t looking

All that was left

Was her whispered words

Now you will never know

                                                                                                                   **

©Christina de Vries

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Fellside by M.R. Carey – BOOK REVIEW

I listened to Fellside on Audible

Genre: Thriller

Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group

Published: April 7th, 2016

Pages: 496 (hardback)

Audiobook length: 15 hrs and 35 mins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Synopsis by the publisher: 

Jess Moulson is convicted of murder. But it’s a murder she can’t remember committing. Nothing is quite clear from the drug-fuelled night when a blaze set in Jess’ apartment killed the little boy upstairs. But when the media brands her a child killer, she starts to believe it herself.

Now she’s on her way to Fellside, the biggest, most formidable women’s prison in Europe, standing in the bleak Yorkshire moors.

But Jess won’t be alone in her prison cell. Lurking in the shadows is an unexpected visitor…the ghost of the 10-year-old boy she killed. He says he needs her help – and he won’t take no for an answer.

M.R. Carey

The Review

"This ghost story is one that stands out from a lot of other ghost stories I've 
read, just like The Girl with All the Gifts stands out from a lot of other 
zombie stories. It's a thrilling ride that had me curious and wondering." 

Back in 2015 I read The Girl with All the Gifts by M.R. Carey and I fell in love with the story and the writing style. So when I heard about Fellside coming out, I knew I had to pick that up as well. And even though I had it on my radar way before it was actually published, it took me way longer to get to it than planned. Better late than never, right?

Going into this novel I wasn’t really sure what to expect. It’s listed as a thriller, but the synopsis mentioned the ghost of a boy, so the appearance of something paranormal was very likely. Just the way I like it!

The writing style of Fellside was every bit as good as The Girl with All the Gifts. It’s a completely different kind of story, but the way that M.R. Carey gives insight into the minds of his characters really makes them come alive. And even though there were quite a lot of characters throughout the story, I never found myself confused as it shifted between them.

One of the things that I thought was brilliant about this story, was the fact that there were no saints here. This is a story set in a prison, and even though you have characters you like and ones that you’ll find outright horrendous, none of them are completely innocent. All the drama and corruption inside the Fellside prison adds another layer of depth to the story.

Jess was a character it took me a while to really feel connected to, but once the reader gets under her skin, she’s quite an interesting character indeed.

I thought the paranormal elements in Fellside were executed very well and made it easy to visualise what was going on. It’s not just a paranormal thriller, there’s  a bit of mystery in there as well!

Fellside held quite a steady pace for most of the story, and after a while it really did escalate. The ending as well was very satisfying and not what I expected.

This ghost story is one that stands out from a lot of other ghost stories I’ve read, just like The Girl with All the Gifts stands out from a lot of other zombie stories. It’s a thrilling ride that had me curious and wondering.

A really enjoyable read, and I can’t wait to see what M.R. Carey comes up with next!

 

Do you want to make up your own opinion about the book? Click on the Bookdepository or Amazon logo below to go and get your own copy!

**If you buy via my affiliate links, I get a small commission**

 

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BookTubeAThon 2017 – TBR

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If Only We Could Replace Your Face

When I was about 14 years old, I had a crush on a guy that was my friend. We had som pretty long conversations over the phone, and I could always count on him being honest with me. I don’t remember much from all of the late night conversations we had, but there’s one conversation in particular that I will never forget. It’s the one who broke down my already battered self esteem.

I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but for some reason he told me that he’d overheard some of the guys talk about me. I asked him what they said, and at first he was reluctant to tell me. He did eventually tell me though, and in hindsight I wish he never had.

“The guys think you have a really good looking body, they just wish that they could replace your face.”

My whole life crumbled at that moment. The little self esteem a bullied 14 year old me had vanished. I remember crying in my room after my mom and the rest of the family went to bed. Sobbing as quietly as I could.

For years I only saw myself as “a body”. When I looked in the mirror I could appreciate my shape, but there were so many things I wanted to change when it came to my face. I got into modelling when I turned 18, and that made it even worse after a while. After seeing the photographers photoshop my nose smaller again and again, the complex I already had for my nose grew into a giant monster that was constantly sitting on my shoulders, whispering about how wrong my face was and how I should probably think about doing something about it.

It got to the point where I actually had booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon, but when the day came I just couldn’t bring myself to go.

I was determined to fix it one day though. For years it felt like something I really needed to do sooner or later.

Kids can be so cruel, but often they don’t know the impact their cruelty can have. And I really want to believe that they don’t know that their bullying can change peoples lives for years. The media business is a whole other story for another day.

I feel lucky that I’ve grown to love myself and the way I look. That I’ve learned to appreciate the things that makes me look different. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same.

Do I still have moments where I don’t like what I see? Yes, that monster sometimes returns at weak moments and whispers things when I’m having a bad day.

Do I still want to do something about my nose? No, I have no plans of going through with rhinoplasty. This is the nose that my parents gave me, and this is who I’m supposed to be.

Self love is something that’s very important to me, and something that I’ve written and talked about several times. It’s something we all need to practice more and help each other out with. Self love can be a tough exercise, but we all need to do it and do it more often!

I’m currently taking notes for a few self love videos that I’m hoping to make this fall. I’m excited to be working on something that’s so important to me, and I look forward to sharing it with you guys!

Love yourself and share your love!

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Run Forrest, Run!!

Well I’m not planing on strapping on my running shoes and leave everything behind for an unknown amount of time, but I have been getting into running again. I started running again right before my vacation started, and I brought my workout clothes with me so that I could continue on with the good habit even though I’m away from home. And so far I’ve been doing really good. I’ve been out running every day  this week, and I can already feel a difference in my pace and endurance.

And one thing that I’ve noticed after I started taking my purple shoes out to get some air more often, is that my writing is flowing more smoothly. I’m very well aware that a healthy body helps out when it comes to a healthy mind as well, but I think the main reason why it’s having such a wonderful impact on my creative process, is this;

When I run, my mind clears up. I move through the forest and my thoughts run off to everywhere and nowhere all at once. It’s a form of meditation. A way to disconnect and silence all the inner voices that I shouldn’t listen to, and to connect with all that is good for me. The deeper into the forest I get, the deeper into my own mind I dive. And in the inner, most silent corners of my mind, I find the important parts. The thoughts that hides away in fear of being seen. The ones that shines brightly as soon as they are lifted out of the dark and into the light.

So that is one of the main reasons why I now drag myself out daily to sweat it out under the trees shadows.

I run because my mind need it. I run because the sounds of nature silence the words of doubt and fear. I run because I love how it makes me feel, and how it makes me write.

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Taking a Break

When it comes to the summer holiday I don’t really have to go far away to get in the holiday mode at all. I just need to go home, home to my hometown.

Leander and me will be spending some time in Tønsberg/Nøtterøy and have some quality time with our family. And it feels so good to just take a break from our home and go to visit another one of our homes.

You all know how much I enjoy my travelling, and crave that feeling of jumping on a plane and going off on a new adventure, but sometimes it just feels good to go back to places you know and love.

I’m pretty sure I’ve written a post every summer about how wonderful Tønsberg is in the summer time, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a similar post ends up here this year as well.

So right now I’m taking a break. Not from writing, reading and filming, but a break from everyday life. And a much needed one at that!

Hope you’re all having a wonderful summer so far!

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If you want to know what I’m up to, then follow me on snapchat: featherpen87

 

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This is Where I Write – POEM

In the corner of a hidden smile

At the end of a falling tear

The beginning of a question mark 

Underneath the clothes I wear

*

Half awake and always dreaming

Never lost, but still unfound

In between colours, black and white

Wings spread wide and roots in the ground

*

For all to see, for none to know

Visible in the dark, hidden by light

Everywhere and nowhere all at once 

Here is where I roam, this is where I write

*

©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven

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Categories: My own writing, Poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

London, My Dear London!

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It’s one of the hardest things to watch someone you love hurting. Especially when you know that there’s really not much you can do to make it go away, except for being there and trying to ease the pain.

When the news hit Oslo about the London Bridge terror, I was out having a few drinks with colleagues. At first we didn’t really know what was going on, and we hoped that it wasn’t as bad as we feared. Knowing we couldn’t do anything from the distance away that we were, we tried not to obsess over the news and continue on with our pleasant night out. It is safe to say that it wasn’t an easy task, but we managed to steer the conversation to other subjects and so the night went on. I left central Oslo to go home earlier than I planned. My party spirit had left the building.

Sitting on the bus on my way home, surrounded by drunks and lovers, I started reading the news once again. What met me on the screen made my insides twist and my heart ache.

Oh London, my sweet dear London, haven’t you hurt enough by now? Not only have you been struck several times, but your nearest and dearest that surrounds you was struck as well.

I got home and fell into a restless sleep, but have no recollection of my dreams. Maybe it is just as well.

The next morning I hurried out the door to catch my bus down to my hometown to visit family. I watched the news as I sat there on my way to the people I love. One news reporter after the other talked into their cameras from the same spots, and the blood drained from my face. I knew that spot. Borough Market, why hadn’t I recognised the name the night before? It is right next to the hostel that I stayed in when I traveled to London both in February and when I got stranded because of the British Airways disruption. I walked passed that market several times a day, just under a week before this happened.

“You never know. It could have just as easily have been you.”

My mom said to me as we talked about what had happened. And she was right. We never know when something like this will happen. It could just as easily happen to you or me, as anyone else.

“You shouldn’t go back for a while.”

This is where we disagreed! I will admit that every time something like this happens, I get angry. I get confused by how someone could find it in their hearts to justify something like this. But most of all, I get scared.

No matter how scared though, I will not let them take travelling away from me. I will not let them take London away from me. London has always felt like a home away from home, and I won’t let them take my home away from me.

In times like this, we need to focus on the love and not the hate or the fear. And this is why I promise you, my sweet dear London, that I will be back soon!

I love you London, and even though I’m far away, my heart and thoughts are with you and with everyone else who holds you dear.

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Texas and London Book Haul

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Dear British Airways

Our relationship started a short while back and I had to say that when we first met, Friday a week ago, I was very pleasantly surprised. You made everything so easy and comfortable for me, and when it was time for food, you were thoughtful about my preferences. I was met with smiles and good fun, and I thought to myself that this could be the start of a long lasting relationship.

I even missed you when I had to get a ride from your friend American Airlines for the majority of my way back home yesterday. When I got to Heathrow though, I could see that we were scheduled to be reunited once more, if only for the couple of hours it would take me to get from London to Oslo. I was looking forward to it, I really was!

Then you stood me up. I waited and waited. For hours I sat around, just hoping to at least hear from you. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, I had to hear from a third party that you were delayed because of some technical issues. That’s okay, shit happens! So I settled myself with a coffee and my book, and kept on waiting. The rumours started spreading throughout Terminal 5 about you standing us up completely, so after reading a couple of chapters I went looking for someone who could give me more information.

It took a while to even find anyone who could actually answer my questions, but when I found that person, I was told that things were very uncertain. The only thing she could tell me for sure was that our date was definitely cancelled. After seven hours of waiting I got in the line (that hardly moved) to get help from your coworkers. I knew that the chances of getting a ride home that day wasn’t going to happen, but at least they would have to help me find a place to sleep, right?

After standing in line for an hour and a half though, a female friend of yours came up to us and told us that standing in that line wouldn’t do any good. All they could do when one got up to the counter was answering questions about rebooking and reimbursement. We would all have to stand in a new looooong line just to be able to get out of the airport, then we’d have to find a place to sleep and try to get in touch with you the next morning.

I was overwhelmed, jet lagged and utterly exhausted. I ended up calling my mom in tears, telling her that I had no idea how or when I would be able to get home to Norway, and even worse I struggled to just find a place to spend the night. I had a mini-breakdown right there in Terminal 5, because I felt so stood up and left out to dry.

You weren’t there and I felt like event though we’d spent some good times together, I no longer mattered to you.

That being said, the friends of yours that I did get in touch with at the airport they tried the best they could to lift my spirit. They gave me the help they could, even though it wasn’t much. And I feel bad for all of them, as well as all of us travellers.

When all of this is settled, I think I’m going to have to reconsider our future relationship.

The fact of the matter is this:

I’m angry and very disappointed. Not for the fact that some power surge ended up with me being stranded in London for who knows how long. Not for the fact that I’m here, and I have no idea where my luggage is. The reason why this is getting to me is the utter and complete lack of communication. There were children all over the airport crying and asking about when they would be able to go on their long awaited holiday. People who’d been away from their family and friends for months, just trying to get home. Old people who couldn’t stand in line for hours just to get information.

I looked around and saw plenty of speakers throughout the airport. Why on earth were we not given any kind of general information through those? Why did we all have to seek out airport staff to get the minimal amount of information that they had been given? Like I said; Shit happens! I get it! You can’t be prepared for everything, but at least help us out when you screw up. Give some kind of information so that people know what they should be doing.

So, what now?

I honestly don’t know much. I stranded in London. Luckily there was an available private room at St. Christopher’s Inn (the hostel I stayed in last time I was in London), so I have a place to stay. They won’t let me get my luggage, so now I have to go and get some clothes and toiletries for today and tomorrow. I can’t get through to British Airways’ customer service line, and they’ve told us to not show up at the airport. The only thing I know is that I won’t get home until earliest tomorrow, but I might have to stay here until Tuesday.

So I’m pretty much stranded, but at least I’m in one of my favorite citys. The sun is out and life is too short to stay mope around, so I’m going to go and lay down with a book in Hyde Park, keep trying to get a hold of British Airways on the phone, and pretend that I’m just still on holiday.

Life is a journey, not a destination, and sometimes the journey takes us on completely different paths than what you expected.

Hope you’re all having a wonderful Sunday!

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