I was thinking about being alone…

Tonight I took myself on a movie date. It’s something I like to do for myself from time to time. And every time I do so, either high on fiction or lost in thought, I end up wandering around the streets of Oslo. I watch the city come to life at night, the people going from one place to another and I watch their faces and difference in moods. They give a swift glance of unknown stories. And as I walked around the city that was draped in a slightly see through blanket, protecting it from the darkness, I was struck by the feeling of wonder. I thought about being alone, and how it means something so completely different to me than it might do to most.

I thought about how we confuse being alone with being lonely.

I stood still and was surrounded by the noises nighttime offers and the blanket wrapped comfortably around me. People passed me and vanished into their own futures. I marveled at the unknowingly sharing of presence. And in a moment where I was completely lost in my own thoughts, a single tear found its way towards the ground I was lost on. Not one of sadness, but one of an overwhelmed mind. An old man and I shared a connection of souls through eyes at the very moment it happened. I offered him a smile, and got one in return. Momentarily rooted to the spot, having chosen to walk around alone, I felt surrounded by wonder and love. No person was any longer a stranger, for they were all faces connected to places that made us all cross paths.

In a world where you are everyone, and everyone is you, being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.

I’ve grown to love the time I choose to share with all the people I have not yet come to know. Cherishing the time that I feel inner peace, even though I’m surrounded by the sounds of everyone else’s lives happening all at once.

I encourage you to be alone. I dare you to enjoy time with yourself. And I challenge you to come to terms with the fact that being alone and being lonely are like two completely different worlds. That lonely is a state of mind, alone is a choice of presence.

We are all surrounded by stories, by faiths and by connections. And only when you’re truly comfortable with standing on your own, only then can you open up a real invite to connect with the world around you.

We all feel lonely from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with that! But the undeniable truth of it all, is that we’re all in this together.

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2016 Holiday BookTubeAThon – TBR

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Krampus the Yule Lord by Brom – REVIEW

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October and November 2016 – Wrap Up

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Song of the Enormous Heart – POEM

Inside a home of glass she stood

And tried as hard as she possibly could

To fill it up with color and song

Although every morning most was gone

Slipped through cracks barely able to see

Open wounds of what could not be

Desperately she tried to mend

With every song her soul could send

A cry for help to anyone who’d hear

As her fingers felt the growing cracks in fear

Whispers started slipping through

Speaking silently, but speaking true

Truth she almost couldn’t bear

But painfully cradled with care

Kept them safe as the cracks got longer

And her song grew ever stronger

She created every color her love could make

Exhausted to the point she’d almost break

But one day her home shattered to the ground

And her soul aimlessly floated around

All her creations wildly spread

And loudly whispers found her weary head

All her colors turned into her gown

And the pieces of glass was her crown

Her enormous heart beating strong

The melody of her most special song

One that no matter how broken or scarred 

Refused to see the world as hard

She loved with all her heart could take

Knowing her sanity was at stake

Until one day her heart devoured her whole

And all was left was a glimmer of soul

And in the dark was just a crack of light

A glimmer of memory, of her internal fight

And on the wind they could hear her voice

Singing of how she had no choice

Of how she loved with all she could

And wouldn’t change any of it, even if she could.

***

©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven

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Thinking about donating…

Ever since I was a little girl, I thought I would one day have a family like the one I grew up in. I had this idea of me living a pretty standard life with a house, husband and 2-3 kids. But as I grew up, had my son at 19, and then didn’t really stumble upon true love after that, my idea of how I wanted my life to be drastically changed. I don’t really desire to have more kids, and when it comes to the husband, I have no urging desire to get married either.

Would I like to find a life partner? Sure! But I’m in no rush. And I want it to be right. I’ve fallen in love a few times, but it hasn’t worked out. And now, I’m on this great journey of self discovering and exploring. I have a great kid, and I love him with every fibre of my being, but I’ve come to realise that I don’t see myselg having more kids. I love babies, love playing and being childish, but I love my freedom as well.

I can’t imagine starting over with a tiny baby, especially now that my son has gotten so independent. I love being able to be there as he discovers who he is and who he wants to be, and I can definitely understand other people’s craving for that experience. The wish to be a parent. It is a gift and a wonderful experience!

So now that I’ve gotten comfortable with the thought of most likely, not having more kids, I’m thinking about helping out others. I’m currently researching my options for donating eggs.

If I could help someone less fortunate than me, then why not? I’m in a position where I could make someone’s dreams come true. Why wouldn’t I?

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The Spy by Paulo Coelho – BOOK REVIEW

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That Familiar Tug!

It’s grabbing a hold of me every day now. A plane flying by over head, the smell of coffee, that glimpse of sun, hearing foreign languages and watching strangers faces. Pretty much everything I see these days, reminds me of everything I’m missing when it comes to traveling.

I haven’t been away for a proper vacation since my family trip to the US in 2015, and that seems like a lifetime ago! Three of my closest friends and I went on a minicruise to Denmark a few weeks ago, but that just made it even worse. It was like being able to smell the chocolate cake, but not really biting into it!

I find myself going through Airbnb, Couchsurfing, Booking, TripAdvisor and every possible airline company site, and daydream myself away.

By now it actually hurts a bit, that’s how bad I want to go on a new adventure at the moment. The tug wont let go of me, and I’m pretty sure the only solution is to pack my backpack and go out and find one!

But that’s not really an option right now. Work, family and money are just a few things that’s in the way between me and my next trip. But I’m not here to make excuses for myself. I’m here to put the promise out there. The one where I promise myself that I will do everything it takes to go on that writing trip to Amsterdam that I’ve been thinking about for a few years, and I will do it next spring. I want to rent a cheap houseboat, only bring my backpack with clothes and writing supplies, drink red wine and write on deck while the sun goes down!

This is me, making a promise to take myself on a vacation! Soon my dear self, we will be sitting on that plane you see up there! Soon!

 

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Snippets of My Fall – 2016

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Let’s get hot and steamy for a good cause!

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