Well I’m not planing on strapping on my running shoes and leave everything behind for an unknown amount of time, but I have been getting into running again. I started running again right before my vacation started, and I brought my workout clothes with me so that I could continue on with the good habit even though I’m away from home. And so far I’ve been doing really good. I’ve been out running every day this week, and I can already feel a difference in my pace and endurance.
And one thing that I’ve noticed after I started taking my purple shoes out to get some air more often, is that my writing is flowing more smoothly. I’m very well aware that a healthy body helps out when it comes to a healthy mind as well, but I think the main reason why it’s having such a wonderful impact on my creative process, is this;
When I run, my mind clears up. I move through the forest and my thoughts run off to everywhere and nowhere all at once. It’s a form of meditation. A way to disconnect and silence all the inner voices that I shouldn’t listen to, and to connect with all that is good for me. The deeper into the forest I get, the deeper into my own mind I dive. And in the inner, most silent corners of my mind, I find the important parts. The thoughts that hides away in fear of being seen. The ones that shines brightly as soon as they are lifted out of the dark and into the light.
So that is one of the main reasons why I now drag myself out daily to sweat it out under the trees shadows.
I run because my mind need it. I run because the sounds of nature silence the words of doubt and fear. I run because I love how it makes me feel, and how it makes me write.
When it comes to the summer holiday I don’t really have to go far away to get in the holiday mode at all. I just need to go home, home to my hometown.
Leander and me will be spending some time in Tønsberg/Nøtterøy and have some quality time with our family. And it feels so good to just take a break from our home and go to visit another one of our homes.
You all know how much I enjoy my travelling, and crave that feeling of jumping on a plane and going off on a new adventure, but sometimes it just feels good to go back to places you know and love.
I’m pretty sure I’ve written a post every summer about how wonderful Tønsberg is in the summer time, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a similar post ends up here this year as well.
So right now I’m taking a break. Not from writing, reading and filming, but a break from everyday life. And a much needed one at that!
Hope you’re all having a wonderful summer so far!
A few weeks ago I watched Jason Silva talk about “The Rhapsody and Agony of Love” in this Shots of Awe video, and there was something he said that really stuck with me with me.
“What the fuck do we do? I’m still mourning. I’m still grieving for every love that I lost. How the fuck am I supposed to get over that? I didn’t sign up for these terms!”
Those words kept me up for hours after I should’ve gone to sleep. Anyone who knows me well (or read this blog for that matter) will know that I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in the magic of love, and the power it has to change lives. I’ve loved and lost, and when it comes to being grateful as well as mourning lost love, I wrote a post about that not so long ago. You can find it here.
What I haven’t talked about so often, but something that’s been a growing feeling I’ve had for a while now is that of uncertainty when it comes to relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love and romance, and I’m pretty sure I will fall in love again someday. But do I believe in happily ever after in relationships? I’m not so sure.
I’ve frequently been joking around with my friends, telling them that I’ve grown so comfortable with being alone that I fear I’ll never end up living together with someone again. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it really isn’t. This is a not a post for me to whine and rant about unavailable love. It’s more about the realisation that the fantasy of the one true love that so many live and breathe, isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. It’s the idea that we might have to rethink the way we see relationships.. It’s the fact that I’ve been through the ups and downs of the wrong relationships, fallen in love with some amazing people that I’ve had to say goodbye to, I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve broken some along the way. Most of all, it’s the fact that I’m almost thirty years old now, I have a son and don’t want more kids, have no desire to gett married, and I refuse to just settle because “that’s what everyone does”.
I want to be blown away by love, but I’m not looking for perfection. Right now I’m not really looking for anything in particular, but if love should cross my path and swipe me off my feet, then I’m willing to give it a chance. My big heart might be full of cracks and scars, but it’s still open. It’s open for the possibilities of the future. And yet, I’m also slowing coming to terms with the idea that relationships just might not be the thing for me. Who knows. I guess I’ll just have to take it all as it comes and see what happens.