The Mist ● POEM
The monsters don’t hide in the mist
Beauty escapes into it
When the monsters get too loud
And when beauty returns
Changed by the mist
Beauty will fight back
With all the strength that beauty holds.
●
©Christina de Vries
Last week I was reading the news on my way to work, and there was this piece that stood out to me. It was about a ZARA campaign with a beautiful Chinese model who had her face covered in beautiful freckles. This campaign apparently got such an amount of backlash that it ended up as news all over the world, because to most Chinese people freckles are considered ugly.
Nope, I’m not making this up! But I almost wish I was.
I know the beauty/fashion industry is filled with outdated “rules” and beauty standards, but I really thought that people, in general, were past the point where we just accepted one kind of look.
How dare some people to look at what’s natural on someone else and speak up to call it ugly? What makes them think that they have any right to?
It made me so angry, and so frustrated! Being a dedicated part of the body positive community, it’s so much more than sizes and shapes. It’s all about being happy and comfortable in the body and the beauty that we carry.
No one should ever be able to tell you that the way that you were born is the wrong kind of pretty! Let me put a truth bomb out there;
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS THE WRONG KIND OF BEAUTY!
We all have different preferences, but that’s not the same. It’s still beauty, even if it is a kind of beauty that might not tickle your fancy. But everyone’s looks, bodies, and beauty is not made to please other people, or to allow them to voice a dislike of it.
The beauty that is you, is perfect! It’s perfect because it’s who you are! You shouldn’t be a product of what media and industries want you to be! You being here is the most perfect wonder of all!
Don’t get fooled into the lies they try to push down your throat, just for them to make more money off of insecurities. You are more than enough! You’ve always been more than enough!
You are beautiful, and I dare you to tell yourself that every single day! Every time you look in the mirror!
And to the people that feel like they have a right to say that freckles are ugly, my own freckles and I would like to say; SCREW YOU, and YOU’RE WRONG! Freckles are beautiful! I even add some extra from time to time, just because I feel like my own freckles deserve a little sparkle!
Or rather the constant change in our bodies. I’ve gone through some ups and downs when it comes to weight. I went through pregnancy at age 19, and a whole lot of changes happen through that time, and for a while after as well. I’ve had periods of time where I’ve been quite fit, and then some when I have been “just slim”.
It’s a weird thing how we look at ourselves so differently through our changes, but also how we perceive ourselves through the the changes in our lives. If I’m having a shitty day, I very rarely look at myself in the mirror and think “But damn! At least I look good!”
Our moods and our feelings shines through with our body language. And it never fails that the days where I feel good and grateful, those are the days where the unexpected compliments suddenly make their appearances.
I’ve been noticing a few new changes in my body over the last weeks, mostly because I’ve been focusing on taking better care of both my body and my mind. And I think it’s important to think about how removing toxic elements from your life can make just as much of a difference to your confidence as removing the toxic food that will show healthy changes in your body.
To be clear, I’m not talking about dieting. I’m talking about being mindful about what you put into your body.
Our bodies and our minds are so fascinating and wonderful in so many ways. It’s about time we started to treat both as they deserve. And I know it’s not always easy. Toxic elements have a funny way of sneaking up on us and hang around for way longer than we should’ve allowed them. But the more we focus on body positivity, healthy lifestyle and making good changes, the easier it will be to love yourself and to make good choices!
Love your body and your mind enough to take good care of both, and be mindful through the changes ❤️
Isn’t it weird how the most natural part of us, the bodies that we are born in, are causing us so much anxiety, stress, and insecurity? How often do we look at it and think that it’s not good enough? How many times have we made plans and changes in our lifestyles just to alter our human form? How often have we compared ourselves to others? And how many of these times were we actually comparing our real bodies with those that are manipulated and unrealistic?
We grow up watching picture perfect bodies and faces and come to expect ourselves to meet those standards. We let ourselves be fooled into thinking that the fiction and manipulation that we see every day is in fact real.
It’s so unhealthy and we are all victims of the crime of doing it. Some way more than others.
And in the midst of all the fake, so many have become uncomfortable with their bodies and about nudity. They see it as something that’s filthy and offensive. This wonderful and natural thing that embodies our souls has been corrupted in the minds of its own beholders.
We should be able to talk more openly about our bodies, with no shame. We should be able to be proud of the skin we are in, with no shame. We should be grateful for the gift that it is, and what it allows us to do, with no shame.
It’s so wonderful to see that more and more fashion brands are choosing to use models of different colors, shapes, and sizes. That people so clearly has had enough of being fooled, discriminated, underrepresented, and deceived. The demand for real bodies and real images of those bodies are being heard, and it makes me so happy!
We have a long way to go though, but I think we have to start with getting a healthy relationship with our own bodies. We have to be grateful for what it can do. We have to fall in love with it and take good care of it, and yes sometimes that means just staying in bed and eat ice cream. Being good to ourselves and to love our bodies isn’t always about working out or eating super healthy. It’s also about allowing oneself to indulge and to enjoy. To not be so mean to ourselves. To find that childlike joy and curiosity in exploring our bodies.
So take the time to get to know your body. Be proud of the body that you have, even though you might be on a journey with it. Be mindful of the transformations and the senses.
Love yourself, with no shame ❤️
I started doing a bit of work in front of the camera right after I’d turned 18. It was exciting and different. It was a new way for me to be creative, but also a way to experience other people’s creativity.
Even though I did enjoy most of the modeling work that I did do back in the day, I do see a major difference on how I approached it back then and now.
I remember very well how it felt the first time a photographer told me that a certain company didn’t want to use me because I was too fair skinned. They wanted typical tanned Norwegian girls, and I did not fall into that category. It wasn’t a huge blow to my confidence, but I remember feeling it a little bit still.
There was another moment though, and that is one that I remember very clearly. I did an ad piece for a Norwegian shopping mall, and when the pictures were sent to me I was shocked to see that the face staring back at me was not one that I really recognized.
“I edited your face a little. Made your nose smaller and your eyes a little bigger.”
I had been struggling with insecurities about my nose for a long time, and I remember that as a point where it escalated, and every time I would look in a mirror all I would see was this big thing that was smack in the middle of my face.
It went as far as me booking a consultation with a plastic surgeon for a possible rhinoplasty, which by the way is a horrible name for that job! As if the people who reach out and consider doing something about their nose aren’t insecure enough about that part already!
I never went to the appointment, and slowly over time, I learned to love myself for who I am and what I got. Sometimes I still get really self-conscious about my nose, but it doesn’t overwhelm me like it used to.
Some people are so oblivious to the impact their words and their actions can have on other people’s lives. It’s frightening!
It took a lot of practice to learn self-love, and it’s something that I think is important to constantly work on. Our bodies change all the time, but it’s so important to be grateful. I have legs that walk, hands that can hold, arms that can hug, lips that can kiss and taste, a nose that can smell the things around me, eyes that see, no illnesses or allergies, and no pain in my everyday life. I’m so insanely lucky, and for many years I had a hard time focusing on that.
I was also incredibly lucky to get to work with some amazing photographers through the years that have helped me build my confidence and self-love instead of tearing it apart. People who make art because they love it, not because they want to make something that just fits into a certain box that is requested.
I am also very lucky to have grown up in families that are very body positive. Parents that have a very healthy relationship with their body and with nudity. Surrounded by people who were supportive and loving. If that hadn’t been a part of my upbringing, I’m not sure I would’ve coped as well with the comments and the insecurities that I’ve struggled with.
I also have amazing friends and we compliment each other all the time❤️ That’s something we always have and always will be doing!
I don’t work with photographers as often anymore, but it happens from time to time. I do however really enjoy taking my own pictures and doing my own editing in PhotoShop. But even though I love to play around with the editing, there is one thing that I’ve promised myself, and that is to never alter the look of my face or my body. I play around with colors and textures, and I might remove a pimple from time to time, but other than that I think it’s important to be true to oneself and to not let oneself be defined by fake reality.
My son will be a teenager in just a couple of years (I know!? Yikes!!) and I want him to grow up seeing real girls and real women being portrayed in movies, photos, and ads. I want him to appreciate real beauty and real human beings. And that does not apply to just women of course! I want him to grow up in a world where people are shown as the wonderful, fantastic, amazing and confusing creatures that we are.
I want him to have a healthy relationship with himself and his own body. To see the real beauty in the people around him, instead of searching for some unrealistic ideal of a human.
We all have the power to do something, and I think most of it starts with loving yourself. Find that self-love and that gratitude, and practice it as much as you can! Then go out into the world as a good example. Share the love and the gratitude!
And most importantly, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough! I know it’s hard, and I struggle alongside you, but the truth is that they have no right to tell you so! They have no right to try to define you or to change you. Set boundaries and don’t be afraid to let them be heard!
You are amazing and beautiful, no matter if some idiot(s) have told you differently!
And if you ever need a reminder of how awesome you are, then I am here! I will try my very best to share my love and my gratitude with you ❤️
☼
Photo is by the wonderful and talented Isidoro Peregrino💛
One circle connected to another
The mark of infinity
One my fingers have made
On skin without me noticing
Tracing a wish for no ending
On shells of souls I wanted to stay
But neither of them turned into forever
They would stay for a little while
But one after the other
They spread their wings and left
Leaving my hands to make marks
Of forever into thin air
On paper, in the sand and on my own skin
I got to know my own shell that way
Came to love it, and thought
Infinity with love sounds nice
As long as I love the skin I’m in
Sharing my soul with me
Is quite the privilege
One I’d taken for granted
One I came to know and love
In so many new ways
I stopped drawing looping circles
Spread my own wings and flew
Never quite leaving, but wandering
Going places I never thought I would
Seeing faces I will never forget
My heart and soul filled with marks
Ones that fade over time
But hopefully never leaves
●
©️Christina de Vries
I know I talk to you all the time, and we share everything. But sometimes, there are things that I forget to tell you, and things I forget to do.
I don’t tell you that you’re beautiful every day…
I should! Because you are, even when you don’t think so. Even when you don’t feel like you are. Don’t believe anyone who tells you differently!
I don’t give you enough credit for all the hard work you do…
I know you work your ass off, and try to fit more hours in a day, even though you know you can’t. You’re a powerhouse of creativity, and all your hard work is going to pay off soon. You’ve already noticed that things have started to change, haven’t you?
When you’re down, I don’t always offer the loving words that you need to hear…
Which is a shame, because it is in those moments that you truly need me to say them. In many ways, I’m the only one you need to hear them from. Sometimes, those words are all that matters.
Sometimes I forget to give you space…
I know I can be demanding and sometimes I encourage you to do things, even when you don’t really have the energy to. I will try harder to remember that you need time to breathe and to relax.
I even put the whole world on your shoulder from time to time…
I will try not to. No one is strong enough to hold it all at once, not even you!
Truth be told, I don’t always believe in you…
That’s utter bullshit, and I’m so sorry! You’ve proven me wrong, over and over.
I scare you sometimes…
From time to time, I forget how fragile you can be. I forget to handle you with care in those moments. I tell you stories that has yet to come, and I can sense that they scare you out your mind sometimes. I really shouldn’t do that. Together we should prepare ourselves for likely outcomes, not be terrified of unlikely maybes.
I don’t tell you that I love you…
As often as I should!
This is the one thing that I regret the most, and I offer my sincere apology for that awful mistake. I will never be perfect, and there will be more apologies in the future, but never doubt my love for you!
Because I will always love you, even when it doesn’t seem like I do.
– Self Love
When I was about 14 years old, I had a crush on a guy that was my friend. We had som pretty long conversations over the phone, and I could always count on him being honest with me. I don’t remember much from all of the late night conversations we had, but there’s one conversation in particular that I will never forget. It’s the one who broke down my already battered self esteem.
I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but for some reason he told me that he’d overheard some of the guys talk about me. I asked him what they said, and at first he was reluctant to tell me. He did eventually tell me though, and in hindsight I wish he never had.
“The guys think you have a really good looking body, they just wish that they could replace your face.”
My whole life crumbled at that moment. The little self esteem a bullied 14 year old me had vanished. I remember crying in my room after my mom and the rest of the family went to bed. Sobbing as quietly as I could.
For years I only saw myself as “a body”. When I looked in the mirror I could appreciate my shape, but there were so many things I wanted to change when it came to my face. I got into modelling when I turned 18, and that made it even worse after a while. After seeing the photographers photoshop my nose smaller again and again, the complex I already had for my nose grew into a giant monster that was constantly sitting on my shoulders, whispering about how wrong my face was and how I should probably think about doing something about it.
It got to the point where I actually had booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon, but when the day came I just couldn’t bring myself to go.
I was determined to fix it one day though. For years it felt like something I really needed to do sooner or later.
Kids can be so cruel, but often they don’t know the impact their cruelty can have. And I really want to believe that they don’t know that their bullying can change peoples lives for years. The media business is a whole other story for another day.
I feel lucky that I’ve grown to love myself and the way I look. That I’ve learned to appreciate the things that makes me look different. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same.
Do I still have moments where I don’t like what I see? Yes, that monster sometimes returns at weak moments and whispers things when I’m having a bad day.
Do I still want to do something about my nose? No, I have no plans of going through with rhinoplasty. This is the nose that my parents gave me, and this is who I’m supposed to be.
Self love is something that’s very important to me, and something that I’ve written and talked about several times. It’s something we all need to practice more and help each other out with. Self love can be a tough exercise, but we all need to do it and do it more often!
I’m currently taking notes for a few self love videos that I’m hoping to make this fall. I’m excited to be working on something that’s so important to me, and I look forward to sharing it with you guys!
Love yourself and share your love!
When I first saw this video it made me want to cry! The second time I got angry! And as I’m sharing it would you guys I’m both with a sprinkle of motivation and inspiration on top! We need to change the way we talk to each other and don’t even get me started on internet trolls! I’ll save that for a later post.
Watch this and go forth as a great example when you travel through the world wide web.
SPREAD LOVE, NOT HATE!
When was the last time
You looked in the mirror and said
I love this body of mine?
*
When there was nothing you’d like to change
Nothing to improve or work with
When you didn’t compare yourself to strangers?
*
Ask me. The honest answer is
I can’t even remember
And scary enough, I’m not alone in this
*
Thrown at us from every direction is the guide
Wanting people to become unrealistic creatures
Wanting us to show it all, but makes us hide
*
Creating a dream to become something unreal
To try to get results only photoshop can make
And when you don’t get there, what do you feel?
*
The shame of not being good enough
Some break down because of failing
There’s only so long a person can act tough
*
I don’t love my body. I wish that wasn’t true
How perfect it would be to only see
The miracle that makes me and you
*
Think of all this wonderful body can do
It heals itself, loves and handle pain
Let’s stop the shaming and say thank you
*
Thank you for letting me feel
For taking me places and creating memories
For being something to be proud of and not conceal
*
It’s time to focus on getting better from the inside
Using time well spent by giving out a compliment
And stop judging on what is on the outside
*
Learn to see the beauty of a broken soul
To love all that makes us human
Appreciate the mistakes that makes us whole
*
Body shaming is just another word for hate
And why should we talk down about
The one thing keeping us grounded, unique and great?
*
It’s long overdue to turn body shaming into body loving
To take care of it as our most important asset
Because without it, we truly are nothing
*
You might never see perfection but love it anyway
For all it gives you and where it takes you
Repeat after me and say:
*
I love my body!
I love my body!
I LOVE MY BODY!
*
Scream it to the world so they can all hear
Write it in the sky and at the bottom of the sea
With those four words, chase away the fear
*
Of never becoming a copy of a lie
Embrace that miracle that is you
And kiss those body shamers goodbye
*
Life is too precious and too short for shame
Take a break. It’s time to love yourself
Besides, how stupid would we look if we were all the same?
*
©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven
Christina de Vries 