You Can Miss Someone and Not Want Them Back

“I miss him.”

“Why? He broke your heart? You know he’s no good for you!”

Sounds familiar?

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay to miss someone and not want them back! If you need it, then I hereby give you the total freedom to miss that someone. Just try to not get completely lost in it, and make decisions that you know aren’t good for you out from that feeling. Because the missing someone, we can’t really control, no matter how much we’d like to. But we are in control of our actions based on the feelings we feel.

And even though a relationship ended for all the right reasons, or all the wrong reasons, there is a good chance that you can still look back on that relationship and see some of the parts that was good about it. You’re allowed to miss that. Often it isn’t really about missing that someone anyways, it’s usually about missing what that someone made you feel.

How you smiled more, how your heart skipped a beat, how you impatiently looked forward to the next time you would see each other again, and how your body reacted to that other person’s touch, sounds and/or smells. It is only human that when someone or something that took up so much space in your everyday life, suddenly just doesn’t, that it takes some adjustment.

I believe that we find ourselves again after every breakup, and that someone we find is naturally different from the one we used to be.

Because who are we are tend to change when you and I turns into we, and as a couple we tend do evolve together as well as on our own. And when that evolved entity breaks apart, we are left with a part that feels unfinished. We feel broken, and after the grieving and the worst of the pain we start the search, not for the one, but for the one we want to be. And that someone isn’t always the one we used to be. Sometimes it’s someone entirely different. Sometimes it’s finding a whole new you.

Well, I guess everyone’s path to walk and way to process is different, but this is how I usually experience going through a breakup.

And even though I am very grateful and happy or all the experiences that I’ve had, and how much I’ve learned from them, I still find myself missing the good parts of relationships that obviously wasn’t meant to be.

I used to beat myself up about it, but I try not to do that anymore. Instead, I let the emotions go through me, then I remind myself of the thing that I don’t miss, and afterwards I make a mental list of what I can take away from the experiences. What have I learned about the things I want (and don’t want) in my life and in my relationships.

Life is a constant education, and we have to try our very best to make the most of it. Because life is short and love is precious. People can be cruel, but they can be pretty awe droppingly amazing too.

So, don’t beat yourself up for missing someone you don’t want back. Acknowledge the fact that after everything you’ve gone through, you’re still able to see the good things in all the hurt. You love yourself enough to miss the warm feeling of your own happiness.

Give yourself a big hug (or imagine that I’m giving you one) and then get out there and make some new memories.

You deserve that happiness❤️

Let’s Talk About Changes

Or rather the constant change in our bodies. I’ve gone through some ups and downs when it comes to weight. I went through pregnancy at age 19, and a whole lot of changes happen through that time, and for a while after as well. I’ve had periods of time where I’ve been quite fit, and then some when I have been “just slim”.

It’s a weird thing how we look at ourselves so differently through our changes, but also how we perceive ourselves through the the changes in our lives. If I’m having a shitty day, I very rarely look at myself in the mirror and think “But damn! At least I look good!”

Our moods and our feelings shines through with our body language. And it never fails that the days where I feel good and grateful, those are the days where the unexpected compliments suddenly make their appearances.

I’ve been noticing a few new changes in my body over the last weeks, mostly because I’ve been focusing on taking better care of both my body and my mind. And I think it’s important to think about how removing toxic elements from your life can make just as much of a difference to your confidence as removing the toxic food that will show healthy changes in your body.

To be clear, I’m not talking about dieting. I’m talking about being mindful about what you put into your body.

Our bodies and our minds are so fascinating and wonderful in so many ways. It’s about time we started to treat both as they deserve. And I know it’s not always easy. Toxic elements have a funny way of sneaking up on us and hang around for way longer than we should’ve allowed them. But the more we focus on body positivity, healthy lifestyle and making good changes, the easier it will be to love yourself and to make good choices!

Love your body and your mind enough to take good care of both, and be mindful through the changes ❤️

It’s Changing!

Our lives are constantly changing, even though it may not seem like it all of the time. It might seem like everything is just the same, day after day. But even though you feel like you’re going through the motion in the same ship everyday, there’s so much going on underneath the surface that you’re not paying attention to. 

All those little things that just passes by as unimportant could easily add up to end up as some of the most important events of your life. 

Some changes are bigger though, and impossible to miss! I’m going through one of those changes right now. 

I’ve been working for Brilleland for little over a year now, and a while back I was approached by another chain of stores and they wanted to set up a meeting with me. The meeting happened and in a time where people struggle to get jobs I was lucky enough to be offered a new one. I’m very grateful! After thinking it over and going a bit back and forth I decided to take the offer. 

So yesterday I had my last day at Brilleland and on Monday I’m moving on to a new chain, new store and new colleagues. It’s very exciting and also a bit scary. I’ve had my share of jobs over the years and the butterflies in the stomach feeling always shows up whenever I’m on the brink of starting something new. 

It’s a feeling I welcome! It’s another way of pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone. A wonderful way of learning and growing. 

So this weekend I’m going to take it easy, meditate on what was and get ready for what’s coming! 

Wish me luck!

And I wish you all a wonderful weekend! 

A lifestyle change!

Those of you who follow me on Instagram already know about this huge change that I made to my life, a little over a week ago. It’s something that has been on my mind for quite some time, but to commit to eat felt kind of scary and overwhelming. I just didn’t have the motivational drive to start. And when it comes to complete lifestyle changes, motivation and dedication is key!

So what is this big change you ask? Drumroll please!!

I’ve gone VEGAN! 

I think the decision to go vegan was made up by many little things. I’ve been tempted for so long to make the change, but I just had no idea where to start. But then I watched a video clip (a friend of mine shared it on Facebook) of a cow about to be slaughtered by a gunshot through the head, and the cow was franticly trying to avoid the little red aiming light. That’s when something just clicked inside of me, and I just decided that it was time to make a difference.

And you might think that it doesn’t make that much of a difference in the big picture of thing! But the big picture is composed by all of us individuals and the choices we make. And guess what! A vegan lifestyle of one person, saves one animal. EVERY DAY! That adds up to a whole lot of them over the years. And it’s not only about saving animal lives (even though that’s hugely important), it’s about our planet (pollution, saving the rainforest etc) and it’s also about my own health.

When you start to really look at the food labels, it’s cringeworthy to see what it is we’re putting inside of us on a daily basis. No wonder we’re getting sicker and fatter. It’s time to take care of this body. It’s the only one I’ll ever have!

And I’ve found so many amazing vegan recipes already!

Like these vegan salty chocolate cookies:

I’ve been vegan for little over a week now, and I already feel so much better!

So I’m taking you with me on this journey! Hop along and discover with me 🙂

I was thinking about routines…

Right around the transition into 2016, I watched a video that gave some tips and tricks on how to become a morning person. I’ve never been a morning person. It’s not that I’m grumpy or angry in the morning, I’m generally a happy camper most of the time. It’s more that I struggle to actually get up.

I’ve thought about mornings and early birds from time to time, with envy, but I never even considered making an effort to become one myself. Until now.

I’ve decided that 2016 will be the year when I get down to business, for real. The year where I do everything in my power to pursue my dream of a published novel. I’m tired of looking at my dream from afar. I’ve been slacking off and making excuses, and it’s not okey! So, I’ve rolled up my sleeves and I’ve started the year with a change of routines.

Instead of just writing whenever that creative flows comes rushing, I’ve set myself a goal: To write a minimum of a thousand words a day. I need more consistency in my writing, and this is a great way to start.

I’m working on becoming a more productive morning person. And here are some of the changes and routines I’ve added to my mornings:

• I’ve changed my alarm to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it off”, to start the day with a happy wake up call.
• After waking up, I take a couple of minutes to read the latest news on my phone.
• When I get myself all pretty, I listen to music that I love, or an audiobook.
• When I’m satisfied with my paint job, I make myself some breakfast and a cup of warm lemon water with honey. The writing machine needs fuel!
• I start my morning office with writing in my gratitude journal. Start it all with a smile and sense of bliss.
• Then I sit down and I write. I have about an hour to do so before I have to get to work, and I’m amazed at how creative and efficient I can be. Who knew mornings could be so much fun?

I’m hoping to really get this routine on from now on, and when I do, my first draft could be done a lot quicker than what I first anticipated. Can’t complain about that!

While we’re on the topics of routines, I just want to mention a few other things that I’m being consistent with these days to make the most of every single one.

• I listen to a lot of motivational speeches. I find that they really do get me motivated and pumped up about what’s to come.
• I meditate. Not for long periods of time, but it really helps me calm down and let go if I have trouble sleeping.
• I’m working hard on getting more organised. Anything to avoid stress and unnecessary dilemmas that could’ve been easily avoided.

 

Small changes, that in a very short amount of time has made a big difference.

It was time for a change and I’m so glad I made it! Now I just have to stick to it, and listen to what my Mac background image tells me:

“Stop messing around and finish your novel!”

Wish me luck!

I was thinking about chapters…

When I look back on my life I see it as many different chapters. Some I remember with a smile on my face and others not so much. There’s been struggle, laughter, pain and smiles. This does not make me unique, it makes me human. But everyone has their own unique collection of chapters.

The thing about life and personal growth is knowing when it’s time to close a chapter and start a new one. I very recently did just that. I’m not going into detail about this at this very moment, but there was something in my life that needed changing and finally I got the opportunity to make that change. To start a whole new chapter that I’m very excited about.

Closing chapters can be bittersweet for sure. Even though the chapter wasn’t a particular good one it’s still the ending of something and endings can be difficult. It’s a weird thing, how something so much needed can feel like such a relief and in the same way so hard. Sometimes it can be about security and routine. About the fear of making changes to everyday life. Other times it’s the fear of making the wrong choice. To go into another chapter that has an even worse ending than the one you just closed. 

My chapter was one that was more a relief than anything else. Every new chapter comes with a new set of risks, new obstacles to cross and new roads to take. Roads that might take you closer to your dreams or they might guide you to a whole new dream. Some might feel like a setback, but any closed chapter is at least one new lesson learned. 

My new chapter is the start of something very exciting. Something that has taken me closer to my dream and my goals. It’s scary but I’m mostly overwhelmed with excitement and happiness. There was a time not so long ago when I felt stuck in a chapter where I didn’t really have any idea of where my life was headed. It was driving me crazy with worry and making it hard for me to stay as positive a person as I usually am. But now that I’ve finally closed that chapter and started a new one I can feel that positivity coming back to me and even though the last year has been a har one, now things are starting to work themselves out. I’ve worked hard to get here and to even be able to start this chapter at this very moment. 

There’s been a lot of pain and a lot of changes that had to be made. There’s been times where I was so tired of it all and felt like I really could have gone without the struggle, but now at this very moment I choose to look at it in a different light.

If I hadn’t gone through all of that, I might’ve not ended up where I am right now. And who knows where it will all lead? Because that’s the scary and wonderful part of it all. You live the book of life from page to page, not knowing what will come. Chapter after chapter, your character develops into something more, something different and something new. 

When you feel like something isn’t right then change it. Finish the chapter and close it up. That big dream of yours might be just around the corner. You just have to turn the page and start on your next chapter.

Help me help you!

Sometimes when times are rough the thing we need the most is time with our friends. I find it kind of therapeutic to be there for my friends now a days when I need them to be there for me as well. To be able to listen to what is going on in their lives instead of focusing on the things that are happening (or not happening) in mine.
This time in my life that I’m going through right now is probably the hardest I have ever encountered but at the same time as it is frustrating and scary I’m also learning more about myself than I ever thought was possible. The rough times we go do define is more than we know.

So with help from people that I love and my love for books and writing I’m slowly finding my way back to being me.

If you are going through a hard time, remember that you’re not alone. I’m traveling that road with you. We’re heading for a change and even though we might feel lonely we never really are.

The Change

“Everytime you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place.”

 

Some of the lyrics from my favorite Rascal Flatts song “Stand”. I’ve tattooed these words on the top of my back to remember myself that even the darkest and saddest of  times always leads to a new ray of sunshine.

We’ve all been there, or one day will. The day that everything changes and nothing will ever be the same again. It can be a new job, a poem you read, a new relationship or maybe the end of one.

Bruce Barton once wrote:

“When you are through changing, you are through.”

I’ve never really thought that over until lately. And knowing that we will keep on changing throughout life is both a comforting though as well as a bit scary.

Sometimes those changes are barely noticeable. Other times we have to make the big changes. And no matter how much we try to figure out life and love, there will never be a right answer to it. We will fail over and over. Some of the choices we make will be right of course. Some will seem right at the time they are made then turn into wrong ones later on. And there are those that we know are wrong but we try to make it the right ones either way.

We as humans have to go through this. To learn about the people around us, but mostly to learn about who we are. The process is hard and it can feel lonely at times, but be sure to keep the people that loves you close by.  You will need them and they will need you.

The change is coming. It always comes in one way or another.

We have to learn to embrace even though it can feel unfair and difficult.

I believe everything happens for a reason. And if you’re having a hard time, remember that you are not alone and will never be!

 

Do you need it?

If you’re not happy about your life then change it!

Easy words to say but not always as easy to act out is it?
But the truth is that sometimes we have to change. We have to take a step back and really look at the life that we lead. We have to look at the past and learn from it. Don’t live in it but don’t forget it either. You have to see where you’re heading and really reflect on how you feel about it.
And look at the present and what it’s doing to you. Is it making you smile then you’re probably doing something right. But if the present worries you and wears you out then you to change something in it. Maybe it’s just a little thing or maybe you have to turn it all upside down to really find that happy place.
Remember your dreams and your passions on the process. Don’t ever let them out of sight. Then little by little you will find what you’re looking for. You will fail a few times and you will learn even more about yourself. Remember to laugh and to smile a lot. Hug, kiss and tell everyone you love just how much!
Nothing is ever really hopeless unless you let it be.

I’ve made so many changes the past year and for the first time in years I finally feel like I’m really heading in the right direction. My new job is just what I needed and I’m writing more and more 🙂 we love our new apartment and my son is getting ready to start school this fall. So much is happening right now but I finally feel like I have the extra energy to really pay attention to the little things that easily just pass us by.

I needed to do those changes in my life. What about you?  Anything you want to change?