A New Start ✨

Let’s talk about the last year and a half. To say that it’s been a weird and challenging one would be an understatement.

The pandemic hit shortly after I found out that I was pregnant. By that time, I was already on sick leave from my job because I struggled with extreme nausea. I already felt slightly isolated at home, and then we really did become isolated. I felt very anxious about the fact that researchers had no idea how COVID-19 could affect pregnant women and their babies.
So we were extra careful, and we limited the people we met down to almost zero. In a time where I could’ve needed my friends and family more than usual, I suddenly couldn’t see and hug them like I was used to. It wasn’t the kind of pregnancy I had hoped for. I tried to focus on the beautiful miracle of the whole thing but found myself struggling with staying positive in the middle of it all. I was so scared all the time.
I was sick and lonely, but I was also very aware that I had it better than many other people in this world.

October came around, and little Noelle came into this world. Mikael could stay by my side through the whole ordeal (many other pregnant couples weren’t as lucky), and she was healthy and perfect. I wanted to share the joy with friends and family. We were lucky enough for the restrictions to have lifted a little bit by then so we could spend a little more time with family. That helped.

Christmas came, and it felt like I was on the right track to get back to my creative self, but then disaster struck. Our rescue dog became extremely jealous of the new addition to the family and tried to bite Noelle. After two episodes of obvious jealousy, it became clear that it wouldn’t work. It was so painful and sad. We had to say goodbye to a best friend, a member of the family. Luckily we had the option of him living with my ex and good friend, so we can still visit and see him. But not having him around was heartbreaking. When it came to creative projects, I had nothing to give.

2021 came around, and we found out that we had to move. The apartment we were renting had water coming up through the floorboards whenever it rained, and it would take quite some time to fix. We looked at new places in Oslo, but everything was so expensive, and we didn’t want to spend all of our income on rent.
The family reached out to us and gave us the option to live with my mom while we saved up some money and figured things out.
We were (and still are) very grateful for that!
It meant coming back to my hometown, closer to both of our families. And if there’s one thing that’s become painfully clear throughout this pandemic, it’s how much I craved being closer to my roots and my family.

We ended up living with my mom for three months. It was challenging for someone like me who needs their space and quiet time. And it was challenging for Mikael to live with someone else’s family for so long. I totally get that. We craved a space of our own and time to ourselves.
We now have that, and I will share more about that in a post soon!

But that’s not what I wanted to write about now. Instead, I wanted to share that the last six months have especially been really hard. I found myself in dark places of sadness and worry way too often, and I was slowly slipping into a bit of postpartum depression. More often than I wanted to admit, I found myself questioning all of my life decisions and beating myself up for not reaching all of my goals yet. There were a lot of tears, anger, and fights. I was not in a good place. We were not in a good place. The darkness was swallowing me, and the negative voices got so loud that I struggled to hear anything else.

But finally, after months of challenges and darkness, it feels like I’m slowly finding my way back to myself. It’s been hard, and I’m still working my way through a lot of stuff, but I’ve come to a place where I feel motivated to work creatively again.

I look forward to sharing more of what’s going on with you, lovelies! I’ve missed this!
So, I’ve gone back to the writing board, and I’m making plans for lots of content. There will be some changes, and there will be testing of new things, so bear with me while I figure this thing out. It feels like I’m starting from scratch once again, but I’m excited about this journey!

Any and all feedback is more than welcome and appreciated.💛 If there’s something you’d like to see more of, or you have any suggestions for future posts and themes, just let me know.

Take my hand, and let’s wander into the unknown.✨
And to all of you who’ve been patiently waiting for me, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart❤️

It means so much more than I am able to put into words!

Dear 2017

Looking back on the year that I just left behind, I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a rough one. 

I had to say goodbye to some wonderful people that I would’ve loved to have closer by for much longer. And even though the internet makes it so much easier to stay in touch with the people that you miss, it still can’t compare to deep conversations face to face, or a real hug!

I said goodbye to a few that it was time to let go of. No matter how much of a right choice it is, sometimes it’s really hard to do so.

We said goodbye to Snute (the last of our pet rats) when he’d gotten old and his body decided that it was time to leave. He left us with a lot of wonderful memories.

I got firsthand experience with how chaotic it can get when an airline’s (British Airways) IT system crashes, and you’re not in your home country.

I struggled with insomnia for quite a while.

And I got my heart broken, just in time for my 30th birthday.

But even so, 2017 had so many more truly wonderful moments! 

I traveled to London (twice), Texas, Copenhagen, Kiel and Madrid!

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Had my first (and second) experience with staying at a hostel while traveling, and I loved it!

I met a lot of new, wonderful and interesting people!

I went to the Oslo Opera House for the first (and second) time, and saw some out of this world performances!

I got to see Jason Mraz live once again! And I got to see Rag’n’Bone Man live for the first time! Both concerts moved me to tears!

Leander found a love for dancing, and it’s such a joy to watch him get better and better.

I got to follow Cecilia Samartin and do a behind the scenes video when she did press here in Oslo.

I got two new tattoos, a new camera and a new job!

Some of my closest friends came to celebrate my 30th birthday with me, surrounding me with love, smiles and wine, even though I sort of cancelled the party. I’m so glad they came!

I spent the actual day I turned 30 with my very best friend in the whole world, and it was perfect! Vegan sushi, Prosecco and a slumber party!

I faced my fear (which I will write more about in a post soon) and got over my extreme fear of going to the dentist!

And my plans to spend New Years alone, just snuggling up with a good book, turned into spending it with another of my best friends, going to a party, having an epic snowball fight with strangers and then dancing our way far into 2018!

And one of the most wonderful things I experienced in 2017 was that I’m still capable of falling head over heels in love. And even though it didn’t go as I’d hoped, it’s a relief to know that my heart still has the ability to fall completely for someone new. I thought I’d lost it.

2017, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m very grateful for all that happened, and at the same time I’m very glad that it was time to split so I could start my new journey with 2018. So far I have to say that 2018 has been extremely good to me, and I can’t wait to see what’s to come. 

On January 1st 2018, I started a new tradition. I wrote a letter to my future self, about the wishes I have for myself and the upcoming year. I’ve sealed it and so it will remain until January 1st 2019, when it’s time to do a recap of the year, and to write a new letter.

I have a good feeling about 2018 you guys! Let’s make it a special one!

Happy New Year!

This is the Hurt that I’m Feeling

I didn’t plan on going into my thirties with a broken heart, but here I am. Life takes twists and turns all of the time, and sometimes they hurt. And no matter how right it is, it’s still painful.

I’m turning 30 tomorrow, and I’m not one to worry about age. I don’t really care about that number to be honest. What I care about is where I’m at this very moment. And right now that place is a bit unclear.

On my last birthday, someone very dear to me asked me to define my upcoming year as 29 with one word. The word I chose was “Experiences”. And it turned out that I chose my word well.

My year as 29 was filled with interesting and new experiences.

I stepped out of my comfort zone a lot.

I travelled to new places, and familiar places.

I learned new things, and found new passions.

I met some wonderful people, some I got to know really well. Some I had to say goodbye to.

I fell in love, and I got my heart broken. Not intentionally by that person, but sometimes love just doesn’t work out the way that we want to. And if there’s one thing that will always be the truth, it is that we can’t control who we love, or how much we love them. And every time we go through that, it’s another experience as well. And what I might be most grateful for right now, is the falling. To get to experience to fall completely in love with someone again, no matter how painful it turned out, it was a wonderful reminder. I got to feel something that I wasn’t sure was even possible anymore. And for that I’m utterly and completely grateful! And in time when the healing really sets in, I will be able to cherish that even more than I do right now.

This is the hurt that I’m feeling, but I am not the pain.

This will take time, but that doesn’t mean that time have to stand still.

This is where I’m broken, but the cracks are where the sun will shine through.

For a time now, the hurting and the healing will walk hand in hand, supporting each other when it’s needed. And although a broken heart is a clear sign of an ending, it is also the promise of new beginnings.

I’m going into my thirties with a chapter that has no beginning yet. And it’s time I start to write it. And I think I’m going to start with one word. I have not chosen my word for the next year yet, but I will in time for tomorrow.

 

It’s Changing!

Our lives are constantly changing, even though it may not seem like it all of the time. It might seem like everything is just the same, day after day. But even though you feel like you’re going through the motion in the same ship everyday, there’s so much going on underneath the surface that you’re not paying attention to. 

All those little things that just passes by as unimportant could easily add up to end up as some of the most important events of your life. 

Some changes are bigger though, and impossible to miss! I’m going through one of those changes right now. 

I’ve been working for Brilleland for little over a year now, and a while back I was approached by another chain of stores and they wanted to set up a meeting with me. The meeting happened and in a time where people struggle to get jobs I was lucky enough to be offered a new one. I’m very grateful! After thinking it over and going a bit back and forth I decided to take the offer. 

So yesterday I had my last day at Brilleland and on Monday I’m moving on to a new chain, new store and new colleagues. It’s very exciting and also a bit scary. I’ve had my share of jobs over the years and the butterflies in the stomach feeling always shows up whenever I’m on the brink of starting something new. 

It’s a feeling I welcome! It’s another way of pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone. A wonderful way of learning and growing. 

So this weekend I’m going to take it easy, meditate on what was and get ready for what’s coming! 

Wish me luck!

And I wish you all a wonderful weekend!