Why I Cry in Front of My Child

As parents, we often feel the need to come across as the strong protector. The one that can chase away the things that hurt. We put on the band-aids, we comfort, we give advice, and we tell our kids that it’s perfectly normal to be sad, and to cry.

But for some reason, no matter how much we talk about how natural and okay it is, we often feel like we’re in some way failing as a parent if we break down in front of our kids. Not saying that this applies to everyone, but it sure did to me, and to a lot of other parents that I’ve talked to over the years.

I grew up with a mom that I never saw crying. To this day, I still haven’t seen her cry a single time. She probably has her own reasons for that (I’ve never asked), and luckily for me, it didn’t make me afraid of showing those kinds of emotions. But the other thing my mom never did in front of me, was to argue with her husband. I never saw them have a serious discussion even, at least not that I can recall. And as I came into adulthood myself, I was terrified of confrontations when it came to close relationships. Do I blame this entirely on my mom? Absolutely not! Do I think that her actions could play a role in me getting so uncomfortable around people who argue, and confrontations? Yes, I do.

I understand that we choose to not show all the hardships and troubles we experience as adults to our kids. Poor things, they might end up scared silly and wonder what the hell we are all doing. I sure do sometimes!

But I don’t think we are doing them any favors by not showing the real emotions that we all go through. In a little over a year, my son will be a teenager, and I remember very well how hard that time of life can be. I hope that he’s learned that there’s no shame in feeling the struggle of life at times and that expressing his feelings is perfectly fine.

My son has seen me cry out of heartache, troubled friendships, work-related issues, and movies. Whenever he asks me why I’m crying, I try to be as open and honest about how I feel as I can. The answer I give him will most likely not cover all the details of the events that lead up to me shedding some tears, but I try to give him a very honest explanation as to the emotions I’m feeling. It’s damn hard at times, but I’m very grateful for having done so, as I can now see that he’s more and more comfortable when it comes to opening up if he’s having a hard time.

I probably won’t be the person he will go to with all his problems and struggles, but I can only hope that he will feel comfortable enough to share some of them with me.

I am a human. A person who makes mistakes, who gets moved, who regrets, thinks, wonders, and feel insecure. None of us are perfect, and isn’t it then only right that we show our kids exactly that? That we talk about the things that we find hard and the emotions that come with them?

I sure think so, and that is why I cry in front of my child❤️

He cried and I was so proud!

About a week ago, I was working on editing a video for YouTube while my nine year old son was watching videos on his laptop. After a little while I noticed that he was watching something that apparently had his undivided attention, and I got curious. I asked him what he was watching. He told me he was watching a documentary on NRK Super (a web/tv channel for kids) about a boy that was bullied.

Some minutes passed and I could hear the story that this boy told in the background while I was working. It was heartbreaking to hear the cruelty that was done to him by his classmates. They had locked him inside of a classroom, and they’d beaten him up pretty bad. He was talking about how it all happened, how it felt afterwards, and how they eventually had to move and start a new life somewhere else because the bullying wouldn’t stop.

Being a victim of bullying as a teenager myself, I always find it hard to listen to stories like this. The cruelty of kids that don’t think their actions through makes my heart ache. I turned to Leander and saw that he was crying, and it warmed my aching heart.

How lucky am I to have a child that feels such empathy. To be able to watch someone else bare their struggles and pain, and through what he saw, he could feel it all. He could feel it so much that he couldn’t hold it in. It was beautiful to see an emotion so pure, brought forth by information that he himself had gone searching for.

It’s easy as a parent to focus on all of the things that we feel like we have done wrong, or could have done differently. But watching him have this kind of reaction, and talking about bullying with him afterwards, hearing his thoughts, that was a moment where I truly felt that I had done something right. Somewhere along the road, growing up to be the little man that he is, he’s learned to care for others. To love them for who they are and the life they choose live, even though he might not agree with all of it. He’s learned to respect others and to try not to judge them.

I will not take complete credit for this, but the amount of time we’ve used to talk about life, people and choices, I know that’s played an important part in this.

I’m so grateful that my son already is a seeker of knowledge, and I’ll keep on encouraging him. To try to give him as many tools as possible for him to be able to make the choices that will be right for him.

And maybe most importantly, it’s important for me that he knows that crying is not a sign of weakness. To be comfortable enough to show your emotions is a strength that should not be taken for granted. It’s a superpower!