The Dealbreaker

Sometimes relationships end because people fall out of love. Sometimes it’s the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time. Sometime’s it just doesn’t feel right. Other times one is left without really knowing the reason.

All of the above. I’ve been there. But this time I want to talk about dealbreakers.

Sometimes the right person comes along. Someone who is funny, kind, liked by your friends, the sex is great, the conversations even better, not afraid to show affection, or to plan things for the future together.

And sometimes that perfect bubble bursts when you realize that you both have a dealbreaker that completely crashes with each other.

I experienced that a little while ago. Everything was going great until it wasn’t. For a few months I was no longer the single girl, but in a weird turn of events (after a few years of errors and heartbreaks) I found myself in a relationship again. A relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy. We had so much fun together, and I missed him whenever we were apart. I guess we lived in a bubble of the starting phase of it all. As time went by though, he realized that having kids of his own was more important to him than he first thought.

This is a thing that’s a dealbreaker to me. I think kids are wonderful, and I love my son more than anything, but I can’t picture myself starting all over with a baby after so many years. I’ve written about this before, and just like I wrote then I still am 99% sure that more kids are not in the future for me.

And to continue on in a relationship with someone that truly wants kids of their own would be bitterness waiting to happen. I don’t want to put someone through that, and neither did he.

Breakups are sad, no matter how right they are. But I do want to send out a thank you to this wonderful man that I got to share my life and my thoughts with for a few months.

Opening up was hard, but you gave me hope again. Even though I opened up to something that eventually ended, I am no longer as afraid and pessimistic about love and dating, as I used to be.

You helped me out of a place where I feared love. A place where every potential someone was more of a potential heartbreak than anything else. You proved to me that there are still nice guys out there. And yes, nice boys do kiss like that!

Thank you for helping me out of the dark hole of the dating world that I had fallen into.

I wish you nothing but the best, and the woman that ends up with you will be so, so lucky!

Lots of love  ❤️

To Any Potential Someone

Don’t we all have those moments where we wish that new potential someones that come into our lives could do so with an instruction manual attached to them? But that would also ruin some of the fun with getting to know someone truly.

So if you ever find yourself here as a potential someone in my life, I will not give away everything (you’ll have to figure some things out on your own), but here are some things I’d like you to know:

If you find my side of the bed empty in the middle of the night, don’t assume that something is wrong. 99% of the time you will find me lost in writing, either on my mac or in a notebook.

Tread carefully though, because I will most likely be somewhere far, far away and I scare easily, so make some careful sounds so that you don’t scare me to death.

I know the night writing might be a bit frustrating but on the plus side:

I will make breakfast!

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I’m vegan, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be. However, I don’t want any meat to be prepared in my home. That’s just the way it is!

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I will get lost in books. I completely lose track of time and place if the book gets its hold on me. Sorry, but not sorry!

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Speaking of books; you have to read them. Not necessarily the same ones, or even the same genre as me, but if you present the phrase “I don’t read books!” then I’m sorry, but I think we should see other people. This is a dealbreaker!

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I cry all of the time but don’t be alarmed. Most of the time it’s not because I’m sad, but I do get easily moved to tears. So if you find me crying when the first snow falls, at a concert, when you do something charming, watching a sunset, watching pets be reunited with their owners etc. then I’m just emotionally moved, but still having a wonderful time. 

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I need space and me-time. 

I think having time to oneself is extremely important. Both for you and for me. Being together 24/7 will suffocate both parties. I want you to go out and do the things that you love, and I will do the same. Of course, I want us to do things together as well, but it’s important that we both take the time to prioritize alone time and time apart too. Even if we should find ourselves to be a “we” that does not mean that we’re now one person, we are two awesome individuals that want to spend time with each other.

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The Wanderlust is strong in this one! 

I will probably continue on with going on new adventures for the rest of my life. You don’t have to come along for every one of them, but if you have the opportunity to come on some, then I would love to share those experiences with you! 

If you don’t have the time, or you don’t want to go, that’s fine too. Just know that I will still venture out on them, and I’ll see you when I get back.

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I can be a real dork sometimes! I hope you are too 😜

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I’m very open about pretty much everything in my writing and my videos. I share a lot of my life there, and you have to be comfortable with that. If this is a potential something, it’s going to be freaking hard if you’re not. 

And if you’re willing to join in on the fun, then that’s awesome! Could totally be down for having a good partner in crime😜

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I suck at fighting! That’s why I pretty much never do it. I’m all for a good discussion, but fighting does no one any good. And I have a hard time expressing myself if I get angry, so if (at the start of an argument) I tell you that I’m going for a walk, then let me. It’ll let me clear and gather my thoughts, and then I’ll be ready to talk. If I don’t get that space to breathe, nothing will make any sense and nothing good will come out of it. 

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 I’m a mom, and any potential someone has to be very aware of that going into a potential something. If I introduce you to my kid, that means that I’m serious. That’s a big sign of trust and faith in whatever this might be. 

He doesn’t need a new extra parent, that’s not what I’m saying, but he is a big part of my life, and if any potential someone wants to be a part of my life, then you’re immediately a part of his life too. That is not a responsibility that should be taken lightly. 

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In some ways I’m very traditional, in others I’m extremely open-minded. Let’s talk more about that over a few glasses of wine😝

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I’m 99% sure that I don’t want to have more kids. It’s not that I don’t love kids, and I’m not saying that someone could not be a potential someone if they themselves have children, but I have no urge to start all over with babies. I did the baby thing almost 11 years ago, and for me, that gap has just gotten too big now. So if you have a deep desire to grow a big family, then I’m probably not the girl for you. 

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I text when I’m drunk, so if you get weird messages and cryptic GIFs in the middle of the night, just don’t overthink it 😂

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I’m all about self-love and body positivity. If I hear you fat-shame anyone then we’re done! I have zero tolerance for bullying!

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Last, but not least: I love to cuddle ❤️

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And that’s where I’m ending this. Can’t give it all away! But maybe now you know a little bit more than you did before, and the rest I guess we’ll just have to figure out as we go✌🏻