Love is Still the Answer

If it’s one thing that will never cease to amaze me, it’s how much hurt people can experience and still be able to dare to love afterward.

We all go through so much with our hearts in our hands, outstretched and vulnerable. Sometimes we experience that heart to meet another one, and they wrap themselves in each other. It can last for a few minutes, weeks, months, or maybe even years.

Other times, that vulnerable heart takes a leap of faith out of your hands, headed straight for the ground with no one to break the fall, just you to pick up the pieces.

Our hearts they bleed, and they scar. They wrap themselves in layers of protection, but somehow they always find a way to strip the layers, sooner or later. Sometimes they need a little help to get those layers off, other times, it’s just self-love that removes those layers, one by one.

Isn’t it amazing how most of us choose to go back to love over and over again, no matter how badly it hurt the last time around? One can sometimes wonder if that makes us the most stupid species of all, or the most wonderful. I choose to see us as wonderful.

For if we don’t choose love to guide us, what does that make us? If the experiences and pain of our past would make us unable to love another, how wasted wouldn’t our lives be?

But the way that we trust and love, it changes. The way we love when we are young and naive is not the same way as we love when we are older and more experienced. I’m not sure that this is a change for the better. I guess it depends on the situation.

I sometimes long for the naive kind of love that I could experience as an early teen before I knew what real heartbreak felt like. Before I learned to fear a possible outcome before I even allow myself to fall. But there’s also a beauty in all the pain one has gone through. The way I’ve learned to pick myself up again, to set boundaries, to love myself enough to say no and to see the love of friends and family to be the purest love of all.

I don’t think I would like to love naively in the world of modern dating. I’m pretty sure that would set me up for disaster. But I do hope that no matter how far away from love I feel like I’m drifting, I will always find my way back to it. That I will always allow myself to trust love again, no matter how much it scares me. And that I won’t be blinded by the layers of past events, so much so that I won’t be able to see new and real love if it crosses my path.

We, humans, are extraordinary in the way that we love when it’s done without games or hidden agendas. When it’s real, pure, and raw. When it’s done from a place of not being able to choose anything other. When we love enough to want the other person happy, no matter if that takes them away from us. When it’s kind and giving. When it’s just love❤️

Love is Still the Answer❤️

This post was inspired by one of my favorite songs from Jason Mraz’s latest album. It’s a song that has brought tears, smiles and moments of me singing out loud and dancing around, hugging myself in my living room❤️

Why I Cry in Front of My Child

As parents, we often feel the need to come across as the strong protector. The one that can chase away the things that hurt. We put on the band-aids, we comfort, we give advice, and we tell our kids that it’s perfectly normal to be sad, and to cry.

But for some reason, no matter how much we talk about how natural and okay it is, we often feel like we’re in some way failing as a parent if we break down in front of our kids. Not saying that this applies to everyone, but it sure did to me, and to a lot of other parents that I’ve talked to over the years.

I grew up with a mom that I never saw crying. To this day, I still haven’t seen her cry a single time. She probably has her own reasons for that (I’ve never asked), and luckily for me, it didn’t make me afraid of showing those kinds of emotions. But the other thing my mom never did in front of me, was to argue with her husband. I never saw them have a serious discussion even, at least not that I can recall. And as I came into adulthood myself, I was terrified of confrontations when it came to close relationships. Do I blame this entirely on my mom? Absolutely not! Do I think that her actions could play a role in me getting so uncomfortable around people who argue, and confrontations? Yes, I do.

I understand that we choose to not show all the hardships and troubles we experience as adults to our kids. Poor things, they might end up scared silly and wonder what the hell we are all doing. I sure do sometimes!

But I don’t think we are doing them any favors by not showing the real emotions that we all go through. In a little over a year, my son will be a teenager, and I remember very well how hard that time of life can be. I hope that he’s learned that there’s no shame in feeling the struggle of life at times and that expressing his feelings is perfectly fine.

My son has seen me cry out of heartache, troubled friendships, work-related issues, and movies. Whenever he asks me why I’m crying, I try to be as open and honest about how I feel as I can. The answer I give him will most likely not cover all the details of the events that lead up to me shedding some tears, but I try to give him a very honest explanation as to the emotions I’m feeling. It’s damn hard at times, but I’m very grateful for having done so, as I can now see that he’s more and more comfortable when it comes to opening up if he’s having a hard time.

I probably won’t be the person he will go to with all his problems and struggles, but I can only hope that he will feel comfortable enough to share some of them with me.

I am a human. A person who makes mistakes, who gets moved, who regrets, thinks, wonders, and feel insecure. None of us are perfect, and isn’t it then only right that we show our kids exactly that? That we talk about the things that we find hard and the emotions that come with them?

I sure think so, and that is why I cry in front of my child❤️

I moved on, but there’s still love.

After the pain of a breakup or a fallout from a relationship, whether it’s a longterm one or “just” dating for a while, there will come times where the pain will resurface.

Moving on doesn’t mean that you stop loving the person. For me, when I move on from a relationship where there’s been love involved, the love doesn’t necessarily go away. I think that true love, for both lovers and friends, means that you want the best for that person, no matter if that involves you or not. And in the cases of unrequited love especially, there’s that part of me that wants nothing but happiness for the other person even though it hurts like hell knowing that I won’t be a part of that happiness.

Time heals, but after the moving on from what ended, it can still be painful to watch the lover of the past move on with someone else. To see that look in their eyes that used to be so familiar, being sent someone else’s way can be hard. To know that the fingers that used to intertwine with yours are now getting to know the feel of another hand. That the lips you used to kiss are kissed by someone else. It can feel a bit like ripping up an old wound. It’s kind of like looking at a mirror that’s just off. One that shows part of what you remember and also part of what you thought the future would look like.

A little while ago I experienced just that. I was the witness of someone that was a big part of my life obviously moving on with someone new. They looked so happy together. They looked like there was no one else in the world but the two of them.

As I looked at them I was so happy for the two, but I also felt like something split open inside of me. I felt a whole range of emotions in such a short period of time, and I was completely overwhelmed and unprepared for it.

So, I did what I normally do when I encounter moments where I find myself a bit lost. I took time to myself, both alone and with people that I love and trust. I was very mindful of everything I felt. I wrote, a lot. And I processed.

I don’t have the answers to why we feel like we do, or what the right path to go is, but here’s where my thoughts gathered:

Even though I moved on, there’s still love.

Even though there’s still love, doesn’t mean that I want you back.

Even though I don’t want you back, I want you to be happy. 

And even though I’m happy for you, it still might hurt.

All the best, that’s my wish for you, and for me❤️

 

Goosebumps, Smiles, and Tears

A couple of months back, my mom invited me to go to a concert with her, my stepdad and my little brother. I had very little knowledge about the singer other than having seen a broadcast of a Christmas concert he did last year. I did however already know that I loved his voice and that it was my kind of music. And let’s face it, I’m a sucker for a good voice and nice lyrics that has a nice hat attached to its owner!

Those who know me are very aware of how emotional I can be. I get very easily moved by music, movies, people, moments, memories, sights, you name it. And there’s something so powerful about being present at a good concert. The music, the voices, and the atmosphere (if right) gives me goosebumps, makes me smile, and even makes me cry. Sometimes all three happen at the same time. It is a very emotional, but truly wonderful experience because it is so raw. I have absolutely no control over it, and it is moments like that where I am so incredibly present! It feels like everything else just disappears.

Adam Douglas and his band made exactly that happen yesterday, and I’m so grateful for the experience. So grateful that I feel so much, that I get so easily moved, and that music makes me so mindful and present.

Thank you to Adam Douglas, his wonderful band, and (of course) my mom for a wonderful Saturday night, for all the goosebumps, the smiles, and the tears❤

What I Have Learned From Pain

A lot of people have a very strong fear of the feeling of psychological pain, and that is completely understandable. Other have a craving for it. I wouldn’t say that I fall into either of the two categories.

I don’t particularly enjoy the hurt, but whenever I come across it, I choose to be very mindful of the pain. It’s not the same as wallowing in it, or making it into a bigger deal than it is. It is about being open to the lessons that are there to be learned because of the pain. It’s about daring to say: You know what, I’m not okay, but that’s okay too!

In a lecture by Alan Watts, he talks about how there is no wrong way to feel because feelings are something that comes to you, and that happens (very often) without your ability to control it in that very moment. You can control how you choose to act on it, and thereby shift your path into new ones that will come with other emotions, but what you are feeling is a 100% true to you. I really like that way of thinking, and I believe that kind of mindset is a way to be very mindful of your emotions.

Don’t shut them out. Don’t hide them. And don’t be embarrassed by them. Meet them at the door and instead of telling them to leave, ask them why they have come. Ask them what they can teach you, and how you can grow from it ❤️

That is what I have learned from my painful experiences; that no matter how much it hurts or how hopeless everything feels in the midst of it all, I always come out on the other side as a stronger and more aware person. Through all of the experiences, all of the emotions (good and bad) and all the people I meet, that is the way that I grow. And if there’s one thing that I will always strive for, it is to continuously grow for as long as I get to wander this earth❤️

He cried and I was so proud!

About a week ago, I was working on editing a video for YouTube while my nine year old son was watching videos on his laptop. After a little while I noticed that he was watching something that apparently had his undivided attention, and I got curious. I asked him what he was watching. He told me he was watching a documentary on NRK Super (a web/tv channel for kids) about a boy that was bullied.

Some minutes passed and I could hear the story that this boy told in the background while I was working. It was heartbreaking to hear the cruelty that was done to him by his classmates. They had locked him inside of a classroom, and they’d beaten him up pretty bad. He was talking about how it all happened, how it felt afterwards, and how they eventually had to move and start a new life somewhere else because the bullying wouldn’t stop.

Being a victim of bullying as a teenager myself, I always find it hard to listen to stories like this. The cruelty of kids that don’t think their actions through makes my heart ache. I turned to Leander and saw that he was crying, and it warmed my aching heart.

How lucky am I to have a child that feels such empathy. To be able to watch someone else bare their struggles and pain, and through what he saw, he could feel it all. He could feel it so much that he couldn’t hold it in. It was beautiful to see an emotion so pure, brought forth by information that he himself had gone searching for.

It’s easy as a parent to focus on all of the things that we feel like we have done wrong, or could have done differently. But watching him have this kind of reaction, and talking about bullying with him afterwards, hearing his thoughts, that was a moment where I truly felt that I had done something right. Somewhere along the road, growing up to be the little man that he is, he’s learned to care for others. To love them for who they are and the life they choose live, even though he might not agree with all of it. He’s learned to respect others and to try not to judge them.

I will not take complete credit for this, but the amount of time we’ve used to talk about life, people and choices, I know that’s played an important part in this.

I’m so grateful that my son already is a seeker of knowledge, and I’ll keep on encouraging him. To try to give him as many tools as possible for him to be able to make the choices that will be right for him.

And maybe most importantly, it’s important for me that he knows that crying is not a sign of weakness. To be comfortable enough to show your emotions is a strength that should not be taken for granted. It’s a superpower!

 

I’ve been waiting 8 years for this!

About eight years ago I laid my eyes on a very talented man. His voice had this magical way of waking up emotions in me and I knew that his voice had somewhat changed my life.

And the rest is history!

Well.. Sort of..

After that day there’s been countless hours of listening. There’s been a trip to London, just to see him. And there’s been a lot of waiting.

I’m talking about my love for Jason Mraz and his wonderful music. His music has been such a big part of my life for the last eight years. I’ve laughed, cried and wondered with his voice being a present in the background. I’ve waiting and hoping for one of his tours to bring him back to Norway so that I could see another one of his concerts. It took long enough, that’s for sure. So long that I had to jump on a plane to London a few years back, so that I wouldn’t miss out on his Yes! Tour with Raining Jane. It was so worth the trip by the way!

But my wish came true. A little while ago a Scandinavian tour was announced and I knew that I had to be there!

So Kirsti, her boyfriend and I got tickets and made a night out of it! Sunday came and we got dressed up and went for a few beers and laughs before the concert.

And then it was time!

We got good seats and when the room darkened, Jason got on stage and the music began, I was lost in emotions! He started off with a new song (that annoyingly enough hasn’t come out yet, and now I can’t get it out of my head) and it was so beautiful! There was a wonderful atmosphere in the room, and even though there were some songs that I missed hearing, it was still a night of musical magic! I laughed, I cried and walked out of there with a big smile on my face and my heart filled with love!

What a wonderful night! I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to experience yet another amazing concert with one of my all time favorite artists, and that I got to share it with wonderful people! ❤

It was well worth the wait, but I really do hope we don’t have to wait as long for his next performance in Oslo 🙂