family – Christina de Vries

Why I Cry in Front of My Child

As parents, we often feel the need to come across as the strong protector. The one that can chase away the things that hurt. We put on the band-aids, we comfort, we give advice, and we tell our kids that it’s perfectly normal to be sad, and to cry.

But for some reason, no matter how much we talk about how natural and okay it is, we often feel like we’re in some way failing as a parent if we break down in front of our kids. Not saying that this applies to everyone, but it sure did to me, and to a lot of other parents that I’ve talked to over the years.

I grew up with a mom that I never saw crying. To this day, I still haven’t seen her cry a single time. She probably has her own reasons for that (I’ve never asked), and luckily for me, it didn’t make me afraid of showing those kinds of emotions. But the other thing my mom never did in front of me, was to argue with her husband. I never saw them have a serious discussion even, at least not that I can recall. And as I came into adulthood myself, I was terrified of confrontations when it came to close relationships. Do I blame this entirely on my mom? Absolutely not! Do I think that her actions could play a role in me getting so uncomfortable around people who argue, and confrontations? Yes, I do.

I understand that we choose to not show all the hardships and troubles we experience as adults to our kids. Poor things, they might end up scared silly and wonder what the hell we are all doing. I sure do sometimes!

But I don’t think we are doing them any favors by not showing the real emotions that we all go through. In a little over a year, my son will be a teenager, and I remember very well how hard that time of life can be. I hope that he’s learned that there’s no shame in feeling the struggle of life at times and that expressing his feelings is perfectly fine.

My son has seen me cry out of heartache, troubled friendships, work-related issues, and movies. Whenever he asks me why I’m crying, I try to be as open and honest about how I feel as I can. The answer I give him will most likely not cover all the details of the events that lead up to me shedding some tears, but I try to give him a very honest explanation as to the emotions I’m feeling. It’s damn hard at times, but I’m very grateful for having done so, as I can now see that he’s more and more comfortable when it comes to opening up if he’s having a hard time.

I probably won’t be the person he will go to with all his problems and struggles, but I can only hope that he will feel comfortable enough to share some of them with me.

I am a human. A person who makes mistakes, who gets moved, who regrets, thinks, wonders, and feel insecure. None of us are perfect, and isn’t it then only right that we show our kids exactly that? That we talk about the things that we find hard and the emotions that come with them?

I sure think so, and that is why I cry in front of my child❤️

The Ones I Love❤️

As a person that does not have a significant other/partner in crime/boyfriend (whatever you like to call it) to tell the whole world how much I love and adore, I won’t let that stop me! I want to spread some love and appreciation for all the other amazing ones that are in my life!

So here it goes!

To my partners in crime!

What do you know?! I have several of you guys in my life. All of you who challenge me, and convince me to go on adventures I might’ve not ventured out on otherwise. those of you who make it sound like a good idea with one more dance and three more shots. Those who collect the funny stories. Those who will laugh with me, climb the fences, jump into the pools, and switch clothes with me at some point during the night for no logical reason.

You guys are the unicorns of my life and I love you for all the magic, glitter and color you add to it 💜

To my heroes!

You are the ones I call whenever I need to share, to cry, to talk or to just be distracted. You are the ones who know me inside and out. The good, the bad, and the ugly, and still you pick up when I call and want to spend time together. You are the ones with hearts of pure gold, minds of rainbows and blooming flowers, wisdom like Gandalf, bravery like Hermione, and enough stories to write book after book.

You are my soulmates and my heroes!

To my closest, the Supermen and Wonder Women in my life;

I love you and I’m so grateful for all the love you give me❤️

To the shining stars!

You are the ones who inspire. The people I look up to, admire and get motivated by. You are the guiding lights, the self-help books, the DIYs, the tricks, the hacks, and the wonders of my life. Paying attention to what you guys do and create, inspires me to be a better creator and a better person.

My life would be so much more boring without you, and my dreams wouldn’t have been nearly as big!

I love you and all your awesomeness💛

To those who don’t have a choice!

Well, that’s not entirely true. You guys have your own opinions and can choose not to spend time with me, but you don’t. Our blood and our family ties us together. We’re connected in a very special way, and we are a part of each others lives like few others can be.

You’re all batshit crazy, but so am I, and I guess that’s probably why we get along so well.

I love you and I’m so grateful to be a part of a family where weird runs in the blood💙

And last, but not least:

To the four-legged!

You give the purest kind of love. There’s so much joy in the way that you guys greet me when it’s been 5 minutes or several days since the last time we met. Your kisses can get a bit intense at times, but I know they come from a place of love and caring. Personal space is something you guys don’t really get, but that’s okay. I’ll tell you when you’re being too pushy, and sometimes you will listen.

I love you for being the ones that comfort and makes me smile without even having to try 🧡

Snippets of December 2017 – Madrid, New Tattoo and Christmas

Went Back to Refuel!

The past weekend I went back to my hometown to visit my family, and to celebrate my birthday. As soon as we got on the bus, I could feel myself relax a bit more and being able to let go of a lot of the tension I’ve been struggling with the last couple of weeks.

And when I got the first hug when we arrived, I realised just how much I needed to get out of Oslo and back home to refuel. I’ve been thinking that I needed to go away to somewhere new to get some new impulses and inspiration, and although I still feel the need for that as well, going home made a big difference.

Just to be surrounded by family and their love was very much needed. And I could feel the motivation to get back to creating slowly coming back to me. I’ve been writing a lot, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get back in front of the camera for a video. Finally, that changed!

My mom and stepdad got me a Canon EOS 200D, the very camera that I’ve been saving up to eventually buy. I was all shaky hands and teary eyes when I opened it up, and it took a while for me to actually believe that it was real. But there it was! The one I’ve been wanting, and then the rush of creative lust came over me.

Sometimes it’s really hard to get back on track with creating when I’ve been gone for a little a while, and it’s been especially hard this time around. Because of that, the relief I felt when the want to create came back, it was borderline overwhelming.

And now I’m excited, and a little nervous. The YouTube break has come to an end. Tomorrow I will sit my ass down in front of my new glorious camera, and I will once again do more of what I love to do!

I am so grateful for the presents, for the love and for the conversations this past weekend. It gave me more than I ever could have imagined. And I had no idea just how much I needed it.

Did you know that my mom does magic?

I’m very lucky to have a mom that can do magic. Out of something quite small, she can create warmth, protection and love. She works her magic, sometimes for hours on end, and the result is something that no one can experience in the exact same way. Her hands work love into everything she creates. Not only does she do magic, but each crafted spell is a masterpiece and they each last for years. They are wrapped around you and keeps you warm. Whenever I need the warmth of her craft, it’s rarely far away from grasp. And every time I get a hold of it and wrap it around my soul’s shell, I feel a little more at home and a little more at peace. My smile gets a little wider, and any off day gets a little better!

But my mom doesn’t do her craft just for me. She does it for everyone she loves and cares about. Sometimes she even does it for total strangers as well. But there’s only a few of us who will get the crafted spells with her special mark upon it.

And whenever I look at it, I feel so grateful and so loved. Thank you mom, for knitting magic and masterpieces!

Thinking about donating…

Ever since I was a little girl, I thought I would one day have a family like the one I grew up in. I had this idea of me living a pretty standard life with a house, husband and 2-3 kids. But as I grew up, had my son at 19, and then didn’t really stumble upon true love after that, my idea of how I wanted my life to be drastically changed. I don’t really desire to have more kids, and when it comes to the husband, I have no urging desire to get married either.

Would I like to find a life partner? Sure! But I’m in no rush. And I want it to be right. I’ve fallen in love a few times, but it hasn’t worked out. And now, I’m on this great journey of self discovering and exploring. I have a great kid, and I love him with every fibre of my being, but I’ve come to realise that I don’t see myselg having more kids. I love babies, love playing and being childish, but I love my freedom as well.

I can’t imagine starting over with a tiny baby, especially now that my son has gotten so independent. I love being able to be there as he discovers who he is and who he wants to be, and I can definitely understand other people’s craving for that experience. The wish to be a parent. It is a gift and a wonderful experience!

So now that I’ve gotten comfortable with the thought of most likely, not having more kids, I’m thinking about helping out others. I’m currently researching my options for donating eggs.

If I could help someone less fortunate than me, then why not? I’m in a position where I could make someone’s dreams come true. Why wouldn’t I?

Late Night Thoughts and Coffee Cups

For some reason I always end up staying up late, immersed in my own thoughts and creativity whenever I go back home to my parents for a visit. Could be the change of scenery or maybe just the comfort of being on home base that brings out something that’s been tucked away for a while.

Some of it probably comes from the deep conversations I have with close family and friends when I come around. They bring a lot of subjects and thoughts to the surface that I rarely touch on with other people in my everyday life. This is something that I’m extremely grateful for and definitely always look forward to when I’m going home, but it also makes for a bit of a bitter sweet experience. Late nights of writing and endless coffee refills (not that I need it. I’m pretty much immune to caffeine at this point!) has become sort of a routine.

Over the past few days I’ve had a mini-vacation back to my hometown just to have some quality time with my family and friends, and to recharge my batteries for the hectic time to come. These last couple of days can definitely be described as interesting. Not that there’s much to tell that would be of any interest to anyone else but me, but the experience in general has just been wonderful. A lot of meaningful conversations, new ideas, reconnected friendships and lots and lots of good coffee. I crave these kind of inputs in my life on a regular basis, to clear my head a bit and to see my life and thoughts from a different perspective. It’s healthy for me, and I think a lot of people could benefit from similar experiences. We all need to step back a little from time to time, to really be able to see where everything is going and to really be able to understand ones needs. We get so caught up in everyday life (nothing wrong with that! We all live it.) that we push away the important thoughts and questions, storing them for a later and “more convenient” time. But the very truth and essence of everyday life is that it is exactly that: YOUR LIFE! It’s not the time that you wait around for life to actually start happening. It’s not the time where everything that goes down is of less significance because the events aren’t huge! It’s the everydays that mounts up to the life that you choose to live.

I don’t knoe about you guys, but sometimes I need a little reminder of exactly that. And that’s what I love so much about coming home to the important people in my life that I don’t have around me as often as I’d like, in my everyday life.

So I take the late nights, the deep thinking, the laughter, the crying, the joy, the pain, the tough questions, the light hearted jokes and all the cups of coffee. I take them all with so much gratefulness. Because in my experience, the only ones who takes you on that ride and asks the tough questions (and really listen to your answers as well) are the ones who truly cares about your well-being. Those are the people that I need to recharge and rethink.

And to you (come on! Don’t pretend you don’t know who you are):

Thank you!

I probably don’t say that enough! Thank you!

I was thinking about growing up…

Last week my son turned eight years old! EIGHT! In danger of sounding like an utter cliché: Where did time go?

I remember it like it was yesterday that he was just a little baby without words to express himself. But now he’s rapidly growing into someone that I get to know a little more everyday.

I catch myself thinking back to when I was eight, trying to remember my biggest worries and joys. Some are easy and others not. As I get older it seems that a lot of my childhood memories get smooshed into one and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly which memories are from what age.

So what did I really know when I was eight?

I knew I wanted to be a writer, and I think I already was one. I made tiny books out of coloured paper and I wrote stories and gave them to people I loved. I still write and I still love it just as much!

I knew that I wanted to be like the grown ups, because everything seemed so easy and accessible to them. I was wrong. Now I find myself wishing I could be that kid again. Knowing how complicated it really is to live a grown up life. To climb those trees and believe fairy tales.

I knew that by the time I would turn twenty-five I would have found Mr. Right, be married and maybe think about starting a family. I was so wrong! Things rarely go according to plan. We all learn that the hard way.

I knew that I loved books! That love has grown and grown and grown into something so big that I find it hard to put it into words.

So I guess I knew some things, but I was obviously clueless and naive about others, but I think that’s sort of the beauty of growing up. Finding those things that expands and take roots inside of us. Those little seeds that are inside of us as children that actually starts to grow and refuses to leave. The branches that guides us to a place that we need to be. On a journey we need to go.

But along that journey, some branches die. Some seeds never sprouts, but maybe there’s a reason for that. It might hurt (like hell) but we learn from the pain as well if we refuse to let it defeat us.

So now I watch my little boy whenever he’s caught up in his own thoughts and I wonder just where he travels. If some of his thoughts and adventures will be the same as mine. If some of my dreams and hopes will be shared with him.

I wonder what he knows. Sometimes I ask him, but I think he likes to keep some of it to himself just like I did.

I hope he dreams big and even bigger than big. I hope he reaches for them. I hope his inner tree of dreams grows so big that it almost doesn’t fit him, and that he climbs it all the way to the top and sees the world differently.

I hope he grabs hold of a good branch whenever another one dies and breaks off. And if he do falls down I hope that he climbs right back up again and sees it as nothing else than a little setback.

I hope that his life is filled with journeys that he will never forget.

But most of all I hope to be a part of it. If not by being there, then I hope he’ll want to share them with me. Tell me the stories of his life. The joys and the sorrows. I will never know all the answers to all of his questions, but I will always try to help. I will tell him about my climb up my tree, not for the purpose of telling him which branch to go to next. He’ll have to make those decisions for himself, but maybe my stories can help him to see the warning signs of a bad branch from time to time.

I was thinking about death…

I know that sounds overly dramatic as a title, but there’s really no other honest title that would fit this post.

This week my son lost both a great grandmother and a grandfather (on his father’s side) with just a little over 24 hours apart. This would be the first time that he was to lose someone (other than pets) and I thought long and hard about how I wanted to break this news to him.

And the thing about thinking long and hard about death is that I feel in no way any wiser about the subject and it did by no means make it any easier to talk about.

At the age og twenty-seven I find the subject of death hard to comprehend and I can even remember feeling overwhelmed by the thought when I was at my sons age as well. Life and death is such a vast and difficult subject with all its imperfections, beauty and struggles. To think that it will one day be over is very difficult for me to think about, and whenever someone I know passes away it is a reminder of the fact that we’re not going to live forever. I haven’t really made up my mind about what I think happens to us after the ticker stops to tick, but that’s okay. I would rather focus on the time I have here now than using time and energy to worry about what comes after. What if it’s nothing? Just a big void of nothing? Just the thought of that scares me a whole lot if I’m going to be honest.

So how do one talk about death in a healthy and right way? I’m no expert but what we did, was that we cried together and we talked about memories. About how important it is to remember all the good things, but it’s okay to be sad and that there’s no shame in crying.

It’s hard to come up with wise words about death, mostly because it’s a subject that I myself find very difficult to wrap my head around.

So this post turned out to be just a tiny ramble of thoughts that I needed to share and I will leave you all with some wise words from Alan Watts on the subject.

And my final saying in the matter is this:

Remember the good times. The moments that made you smile and laugh out loud. Escape back to those times when everything else feels like it’s too much to handle.

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson – REVIEW

I listened to I’ll Give You The Sun on Audible.

Published: September 16th, 2014

Publisher: Dial Books

Pages: 371 (hardback)

Audiobook length: 12 hrs, 57 min

Synopsis by the publisher:

Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life. The early years are Noah’s story to tell. The later years are Jude’s. What the twins don’t realize is that they each have only half the story, and if they could just find their way back to one another, they’d have a chance to remake their world.

***

The Writing

Nelson’s writing in this book is so beautiful and unique! The way she makes you see all the paintings in front of you so vividly is amazingly well done!

It was funny, puzzling, different, beautiful and heart breaking.

The beautiful pros and flows of the book captivated me from the very beginning and held me in its grip the whole way through.

The Characters

Noah: He was such an interesting character. To follow him as he struggled with love and his sexual orientation was both heart warming and breaking at the same time. I just wanted to jump into the book and help him out.

And these invisible portraits that he makes in his mind described all of his feelings in such a unique way with so few words.

Jude: She was definitely my favorite and it was probably because she was the one that was easiest to relate to for me. Her thoughts on love, boys and family was really a treat to read. And how she follows her grandmother’s “bible” made me laugh out loud while listening.

The Plot

I think this is the first time that I’ve read a book that has two different plot lines that does not go over the same period of time. But it worked out so beautifully and it was one of the things that really made this book so different and wonderful.

And the way that Nelson intertwine those timelines was handled perfectly!

I did see some of the plot twists coming, but it didn’t really spoil the joy of the book in any way and I can’t really pinpoint why.

Thoughts

I’d heard so many good things about this book before I started it and I was a little afraid that I had gotten too high expectations, but amazingly enough it lived up to my expectations and then some!

It was just a beautiful book that had me going through so many emotions as the story progressed and the characters developed. I really connected with the twins and when the story was over I wanted it to be more.

A gripping and wonderful story about family, love, growing up and realizing that life is not going to be what you expected. Just as this book ended up meaning so much more to me than I ever expected!

Definitely one of my favorites for 2015!

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