Sometimes Friendships End In Breakups

Friendship is a funny thing. Some last for years and years, while others for only a shorter period of time. Sometimes those who start out as acquaintances turn into friends, but other times it goes the other way around. Friends are so important to us all, but we also live out our own separate lives outside of the friendships that we have, and the time we spend with our friends will vary depending on how much time and energy we have on our hand.

Sometimes we will spend more time with certain friends than with our own family. Sometimes our friends become our family. Other times we are so wrapped up in work, kids, projects and such that we don’t get to see our friends nearly as much as we’d like to. There are even times when we don’t have what it takes to see them. When the state of our mental health is at a place where social interaction with even the people that we love the most feel like a struggle. And all of this is completely okay. It might be hard to deal with as the friend on the other side at times, just as much as the friend who’s struggling.

One thing that I find to be really hard is when I can’t really tell if a friend wants to stay a friend, or they want to move on. Just as romantic relationships sometimes come to an end, so do friendships at times.

But telling the difference between having a friend that’s just super busy, and a friend that maybe wants to move on without you, it can be hard. Maybe it’s mostly hard because it’s hard to let go. Especially when there’s a friendship that’s taken years to build. It’s hard to come to terms with all of that just going up into smoke.

Even so, there are times when the only right thing is to do exactly that; to let go.

It doesn’t mean that you would never let that friend back in, but when you’ve tried and tried again to keep the connection alive, there comes a time when you have to say;

“Look, I love you, but it feels like you’re not that interested in staying in touch at the moment and I don’t want to have to feel like I’m the only one trying. So now the ball is in your court. I will be here if you ever feel like doing something, but you’ll have to let me know if and when you want to.”

It might feel like a breakup. It might even be a breakup. But your life is short, and your time and energy is so, so valuable! Make sure you do not waste it. Set boundaries, and be honest while still being kind, not only to others, but to yourself as well❤️

To My Best Friend!

I know that the topic of my friends is one that keeps reappearing here on this blog. The thing is that no matter how many times I write about it or talk about, I still end up in awe whenever I think about how lucky I am to have the wonderful friends that I do in my life. So in my place of utter gratitude, I refuse to apologize for this recurring subject. I think it’s one that’s so important, and definitely worth every single post of love❤️

I’ve written about the wonderful women in my life, about how I see my girlfriends as my soulmates, and about the love that I feel in all of my friendships. I am so freaking lucky to be able to write about these things that makes me into a big ball of warm fluff! There’s just so much love!

Yesterday we had a girl’s night (Kirsti, Kaya, Helene and me) and it was so nice to be all of us together for the first time in what seems like forever!

After many hours of conversations, wonderful food, drinks, and games, we finally crawled to bed at around 3 am with smiles on our faces. Kirsti and I shared a bed, and we ended up just lying there, talking for a little while after the lights were turned off. Eventually, Kirsti drifted off to sleep, but I lay awake for a little while, reminded of how we’ve been doing this for over 20 years now. All the sleepovers, the parties, the problems, the celebrations, the breakups, the dancing, the crying, the laughing, the hours and hours of conversations, and all of the love. It’s not the first time that thinking about this has blown me away, but it still hits me just hard every time.

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I feel so grateful and lucky for all of my friends, but there’s something so utterly unique and special about our friendship.

Kirsti, you are my rock and I love you to the moon and back!

Noone can ever replace you, and no friendship will ever be just like ours❤️

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I Smiled and It Made Me Cry

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About a week before Christmas I had a very powerful and wonderful experience. I tried to write about it back then, but couldn’t seem to find the right words, so it ended up as an unfiltered mess in my journal instead. But now I’m giving it a second go.

I can’t remember exactly what I’d been doing that evening, but I was on my way home.

I remember lots of moonlight and my breath coming out in frosty clouds. With music in my ears I walked without really paying attention to where I was going, lost in thought. And then all of a sudden I stopped walking, looked up at the stars and noticed that I was smiling. No, not just smiling, I was grinning! And the best part was, I had no idea why!

This is not uncommon for me. I find joy in the smallest of things, and I’m obnoxiously positive (most of the time), but this was little over a month after my recent heartbreak. It had been a while since I’d felt like the regular me.

And the thing that hit me hard in that moment was that I realized just how long I’d gone without feeling that kind of joy over nothing but a nice night out, and being lost in my own headspace.  Upon that realization, I started to cry. So I walked the rest of the way home, looking like a grinning, crying lunatic, and I didn’t even care.

The tears came from the overwhelming sensation of knowing that I was finally on my way back to my usual self! They were tears of relief!

When I got home, the first thing I did was that I sent a text to the group chat I have with some of my closest girlfriends. I wanted to share my special moment, and the soulmates I have that I needed to tell it to was them! And not just because I wanted to share what had happened, but also because I know that the road would’ve been a lot longer to walk without meaningless grins if it weren’t for all of their love and support.

I had to tell them, because much of that moment was thanks to them. And most importantly, I had to tell them just how much I love them for being the wonderful people that they are!

Now I won’t try to say that every day since then has been all smiles and sunshine, but I’m happy to report that I find myself grinning for no reason more and more often!

It feels so good! In a way, it feels like coming home ❤️

When was the last time you grinned by yourself for no reason? If it’s been a while, I hope you get there soon! And while you heal, I’m here, if you need me…

 

Friendship isn’t a big thing…

One thing that always overwhelm me whenever I’m having a hard time (and am willing to admit it) is how much love I have in my life. I wouldn’t say that I have a lot of friends, but I do have a few and the ones that are closest to me are so warmhearted and they give so much of themselves.

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by people with so much love to give. Friends that will cry together with me, as well as roll around on the floor laughing till we almost pee our pants. And I will do the same for them. This is something I wish for everyone to have in their life. And it’s not important to collect many of these friends, but to hold on to and nourish those friendships that are true. I know it isn’t always easy. I’ve done the mistake of forgetting to take care of my friendships several times, and so have they. At times it’s easy to get wrapped up in everything that’s going on in your own life, and hard to move outside of ones own bubble. It’s just the way it is. But we always end up with a reminder. Something that bursts the bubble and shows us how important all of the things outside of it really is.

And if there’s one thing the last week has been a reminder of for me, it’s how much love I have in my life. How much I love those dorky and wonderful friends of mine. And above all; how grateful I am for them loving me back.

Thank you for the warm thoughts and wishes, for the shoulders to cry on, the bad jokes, the late nights, the phone calls and the warm hugs. You guys are the best and I love you more than words can say!

Friendship isn’t a big thing – It’s a million little things ❤️

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How did I become so lucky?

Most of us have a very dear childhood friend in mind when we think back. Can you remember yours?

It’s not a given that the wonderful childhood friendship is one that’s going to follow you into adulthood. Some gets lost along the way, and others just grow apart. Some are lost in fights (meaningless mostly) and others are hard to explain why they slipped away.

How did I become so lucky, that I got to keep my best friend?

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She’s been the sunshine in my life for twenty years, and there’s a reason why I’ve never called any boyfriend my soulmate and that’s because that position has always been taken by my best friend.

How she’s been able to stick around through all my crazy and (at times) hopelessness is beyond me!

I can tell her anything, good or bad. We can tell each other the truth, without hesitation, because we’ve learned how important it is to say it like it is. We’ve grown up together, and even if we had times when the distance between us was greater than others, we always found our way back to each other.

All the laughter and all the tears are memories I cherish with my whole heart and soul. True friendship is nothing to be taken lightly. It’s a force beyond recognition. To have someone in your life that knows when to ask you the tough questions. That sees how you’re really feeling, when you haven’t even said it out loud. Someone who loves your crazy, just as much as your serious side. Someone who encourages your dreams and share theirs.

I’m sitting here with wine in my glass, writing messages with my best friend, writing this, with a smile on my mouth and tears running down my cheeks. And it’s because I’m so eternally grateful.

You inspire me. You give the best hugs! You always know just what to say to make it all feel better!

I feel so lucky to have you as a friend and I hope we can goof around together until we’re wrinkled and old, and can talk about our adventures in “the good old days”.

I love you!

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I Was Thinking About Soulmates

If you Google the word soulmate, this is the definition that pops up first:

“A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.”

On Wikipedia I also found this:

In his dialogue The Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present a story about soulmates. Aristophanes states that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. He continues that there were three genders: man, woman and the “Androgynous”. Each with two sets of genitalia with the Androgynous having both male and female genitalia. The men were children of the sun, the women were children of the earth and the Androgynous were children of the moon, which was born of the sun and earth. It is said that humans had great strength at the time and threatened to conquer the gods. The gods were then faced with the prospect of destroying the humans with lightning as they had done with the Titans but then they would lose the tributes given to the gods by humans. Zeus developed a creative solution by splitting humans in half as punishment for humanity’s pride and doubling the number of humans who would give tribute to the gods. These split humans were in utter misery to the point where they would not eat and would perish so Apollo had sewn them up and reconstituted their bodies with the navel being the only remnant harkening back to their original form. Each human would then only have one set of genitalia and would forever long for his/her other half; the other half of his/her soul. It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that

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Two very interesting definitions of the term Soulmate.

I will share my own.

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I believe that a soulmate is a person that you feel naturally drawn to. An instant connection that cannot be explained in any other words. Someone who dares to tell you the truth even if it hurts. 

A soulmate is someone who cries with you, laughs with you and goes the distance. Someone who is always there even when you might feel like you don’t deserve it. 

They are the light that forces itself through the darkest of times and help you find your way. 

When i was younger I always thought about “The One” when I heard about the word soulmate, but now I see my closest friends as my soulmates. 

Relationships come and they go, but the friends that stay by me are the mates that matches my soul.

To me soulmates are more about friendships than lovers!

You guys are the ones that I love no matter what. The ones that I will always forgive. The ones I can never imagine my life without and I’m so incredibly grateful for having found you guys!

I know that I can always come to you with my joys and my sorrows and I love that you guys can do the same.  

I probably don’t tell you guys how much I love you as much as I should but I’m hoping that you know just how a big part of my life you are! You guys are my everything through thick and thin!

You guys are the best soulmates a gingerkid like me could ever have!

You guys know who you are!

*hugs and kisses*

  

To Whom It May Concern

Have you ever had a person in your life that didn’t deserve to be there? Someone you thought of as maybe more than an acquaintance but one day realized that they didn’t even deserve that title?

Most of us have. Most of us will.

I’m not one to often rant on my blog but there’s something that has been on my mind for a while now and it’s been fighting to get out for too long. And now I can’t keep this in anymore.

I’ve been wronged and it makes me angry, sad and disappointed.

I wont point fingers at any particular person, because that is not what I want out of this post. The people who have wronged me know very well who they are and what they have done.

What I will say is this:

Don’t judge so easily. What any one person is going through is not for you to make any statements about to anyone at anytime unless you’ve been permitted to. Talking about what someone else is going through when you don’t have a clue is rude and borderline cruel. And to suggest that the person is lying about what they are going through is even worse.

I would never point my finger like that or make up any kind of stories. I base my believes on the truth and not some made up bullshit that someone else has pushed upon me.

For those of you whom it concerns:

I really did expect more from you. I expected honesty and dignity. I expected that you would be big enough of a person to come to me and ask me before spreading rumors that has no hold on reality.

Consider yourself deleted and forgiven, but what you’ve done will not be forgotten.

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What’s been done is not worth more of my energy than that I’ve put into this post. I’ve had my rant and I will rise from this a stronger and even better person than what I was before.

You guys on the other hand will find yourself short of something far more valuable than what you gained from all this.

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There.. I’ve had my saying on the matter and now that I’ve gotten rid of that I will go back to being the positive me that I know is worth a whole lot more than the way I’ve been wronged by people that need to take a good look in the mirror.

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Rant done…

Second glass of Bailey’s down..

I’m out and will be back with a big smile on my face tomorrow 🙂

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Oh! And last, but not least, I feel very lucky to have some extraordinary people in my life who’ve supported me through all of this! Love you guys! You know who you are as well 😉

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Hi! My Name is Christina and I am a Confident Introvert!

Throughout life I’ve been through several different stages with my personality. For some time as a very young girl I could run up to strangers and talk and talk and talk. I even fell asleep in the laps of an old couple I met on the train once. I only remember bits and pieces of this and can’t say for sure how long it lasted or what it was that happened for it to change. Because it did change. I can remember starting in first grade, all excited and willing to learn anything and everything they threw at me, but this is when my thoughts started to wander. I would find myself staring out of the window. Looking at the wind dancing with the trees, the clouds making faces and the weather changing from sun to rain to snow and back to sun again. I was the the princess of daydreaming, and every student-teacher-parent meeting we went to they always said the same thing:

‘Christina is very smart. She does what she is told and usually gets it right most of the times. She is a very good student, although she should try to raise her hand and give answers out loud more often. Oh, and she has a habit of staring out of the window, daydreaming.’

I guess some things never change. I don’t think I could stop it even if my life depended on it.

I had friends in school, not many but the ones I had were amazing. My dear friend Kirsti has been my best friend from way back then, into the now and I’m guessing to infinity and beyond. But when it was time to switch to high school, my best friend moved and started at another school than mine.

I found a few really good friends at my new school, but those three years are the years where I got pretty shy in many ways. Bullying does that to a person. I wasn’t the worst case, but none the less there were more nights crying in my bed room than it should have been. Good friendships, family and the pen and paper got me through it. A while back I took the time to flip through the notebooks I had back then and it was covered with stories and poems where there should have been math and French. My grades were good and I still liked the learning process, I just wished that I could experience it in an environment where being shy and hold back felt like the best option.

Something changed AGAIN when I got to be about sixteen. The bullying had scarred me but it also built character that I am grateful for today.  I started my adventure into adulthood and as for most of us it had its bumps and cracks. Little by little I got to know who I am and who I want to be. I learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and wanting to help others feel the same about them. I found a positive person inside of me that had been hiding in a corner for too long and I nourished her and we grew as one and we are still do! I found the writer in me again and again, but it wasn’t until very recent years that I had the guts to pursue it. I’ve said that I’m going to be a writer since I was around five years old, but this time right here is the time that I finally dare to say;

I’M A WRITER!

Even though my novel isn’t done yet, writing isn’t something that I choose to do anymore. It is something that I have to do!

Going on that journey from sixteen till now there has been a lot of changes, and I’ve met some truly amazing people along the way. I’ve broken out of my shell and I’ve found the pleasure and excitement of challenging myself and all that I know. To go out on adventures and find those tiny or grand things that makes our lives, our short time on this earth so incredibly amazing. I started to label myself as an extrovert.

A while back I read a book called “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop talking” by Susan Cain and how I saw myself changed after this.

Society has taught us that we have to be outgoing extroverts if we want to become anything in life and we take their word for it. We write exactly that about ourselves on our resumes, our dating profile and we tell it to ourselves. But what I discovered reading this book was something completely different.

As I read more in depth about what being an introvert really means I found that I was a perfect fit for a confident introvert. I’m not afraid of talking to strangers, but I always carefully weigh the words that I’m going to say. I like being out and around people at the same time as I love the moments that I have to myself. These are just a couple of many things I recognized in myself while reading this book, and even though I was a little shocked at first I’m very happy about it now.

Did you know that introverts usually are the best leaders? Something to think about, right?

I’m not going to sit here and say that being this or that is better than the other. I know a lot of very extroverted people that I find truly fascinating and amazing, and the same goes for those who are shy introverts as well. It’s not really about labels, it’s about being comfortable in your skin. To know who you are and to love yourself for it!

Hi! My Name is Christina and I am a Confident Introvert! 

Now, tell me about YOU!

You find yourself through amazing friends! Like these lovely ladies!! Love you guys!!
You find yourself through amazing friends! Like these lovely ladies!! Love you guys!!

 

Do you want to read Susan Cain’s book? Buy it on Amazon HERE 🙂 

This is a Friend

The one who is worth your while

Is the one who always makes you smile

Embraces your laughs as much as your tears

Encourages your dreams, helps you through your fears

Hugs you when you really needs it

When you laugh till you cry or throws a fit

Holds your hand whenever you’re scared

When life hits you and you are unprepared

Helps you handle it all

Catch you when you fall

Holds back your hair when you need to throw up

Tells you when something is off and it is time to stop

Honest with you in every way

Colors up the days that start out grey

This is a friend, the best you can get

Show them your love and never forget

This is a friend that will love you forever

Treat them right and they will leave you never

Photo: Kirsti Hegre Backman
Photo: Kirsti Hegre Backman

©Christina de Vries