The Little Things ❤️

I’m writing this from the “comfort” of my own bed, where I’ve spent most of the last two days.

Don’t get me wrong, the actual bed in itself is comfortable, but the coughing, headache and fever makes anywhere quite uncomfortable at the moment.

I woke up this afternoon after some hours of fever dreams, feeling a slight bit of hunger, but not really wanting my leftovers from yesterday.

Going to the store was out of the question considering the state I’m in where going to the bathroom takes all the energy I can muster. Hoping for a tiny miracle, I had a look in my freezer. Guess what?! I found an everyday miracle right there! A small box with the label: Pumpkin soup 2018 C.

I had completely forgotten that my dad had made a batch of vegan pumpkin soup for me to bring home with me a few months ago. I ate one of them and then decided to save the rest ones for a rainy day. The rainy day came, and there it was, my savior in a plastic box.

I almost started crying right then and there. Yes, I get slightly more emotional and vulnerable when I’m sick.

Just found myself so moved and grateful for the little things! The small acts of love that means so much more than we give them credit for.

I heated up the soup and for a tiny moment when eating it, I was in total bliss, fever and all❤️

It’s all the little things that makes up for the big thing that is our life. And sometimes a box of homemade soup can be the little thing that creates a moment of total happiness, love and gratitude. Don’t underestimate the strength and importance of small acts of care and love❤️

The Dealbreaker

Sometimes relationships end because people fall out of love. Sometimes it’s the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time. Sometime’s it just doesn’t feel right. Other times one is left without really knowing the reason.

All of the above. I’ve been there. But this time I want to talk about dealbreakers.

Sometimes the right person comes along. Someone who is funny, kind, liked by your friends, the sex is great, the conversations even better, not afraid to show affection, or to plan things for the future together.

And sometimes that perfect bubble bursts when you realize that you both have a dealbreaker that completely crashes with each other.

I experienced that a little while ago. Everything was going great until it wasn’t. For a few months I was no longer the single girl, but in a weird turn of events (after a few years of errors and heartbreaks) I found myself in a relationship again. A relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy. We had so much fun together, and I missed him whenever we were apart. I guess we lived in a bubble of the starting phase of it all. As time went by though, he realized that having kids of his own was more important to him than he first thought.

This is a thing that’s a dealbreaker to me. I think kids are wonderful, and I love my son more than anything, but I can’t picture myself starting all over with a baby after so many years. I’ve written about this before, and just like I wrote then I still am 99% sure that more kids are not in the future for me.

And to continue on in a relationship with someone that truly wants kids of their own would be bitterness waiting to happen. I don’t want to put someone through that, and neither did he.

Breakups are sad, no matter how right they are. But I do want to send out a thank you to this wonderful man that I got to share my life and my thoughts with for a few months.

Opening up was hard, but you gave me hope again. Even though I opened up to something that eventually ended, I am no longer as afraid and pessimistic about love and dating, as I used to be.

You helped me out of a place where I feared love. A place where every potential someone was more of a potential heartbreak than anything else. You proved to me that there are still nice guys out there. And yes, nice boys do kiss like that!

Thank you for helping me out of the dark hole of the dating world that I had fallen into.

I wish you nothing but the best, and the woman that ends up with you will be so, so lucky!

Lots of love  ❤️

I moved on, but there’s still love.

After the pain of a breakup or a fallout from a relationship, whether it’s a longterm one or “just” dating for a while, there will come times where the pain will resurface.

Moving on doesn’t mean that you stop loving the person. For me, when I move on from a relationship where there’s been love involved, the love doesn’t necessarily go away. I think that true love, for both lovers and friends, means that you want the best for that person, no matter if that involves you or not. And in the cases of unrequited love especially, there’s that part of me that wants nothing but happiness for the other person even though it hurts like hell knowing that I won’t be a part of that happiness.

Time heals, but after the moving on from what ended, it can still be painful to watch the lover of the past move on with someone else. To see that look in their eyes that used to be so familiar, being sent someone else’s way can be hard. To know that the fingers that used to intertwine with yours are now getting to know the feel of another hand. That the lips you used to kiss are kissed by someone else. It can feel a bit like ripping up an old wound. It’s kind of like looking at a mirror that’s just off. One that shows part of what you remember and also part of what you thought the future would look like.

A little while ago I experienced just that. I was the witness of someone that was a big part of my life obviously moving on with someone new. They looked so happy together. They looked like there was no one else in the world but the two of them.

As I looked at them I was so happy for the two, but I also felt like something split open inside of me. I felt a whole range of emotions in such a short period of time, and I was completely overwhelmed and unprepared for it.

So, I did what I normally do when I encounter moments where I find myself a bit lost. I took time to myself, both alone and with people that I love and trust. I was very mindful of everything I felt. I wrote, a lot. And I processed.

I don’t have the answers to why we feel like we do, or what the right path to go is, but here’s where my thoughts gathered:

Even though I moved on, there’s still love.

Even though there’s still love, doesn’t mean that I want you back.

Even though I don’t want you back, I want you to be happy. 

And even though I’m happy for you, it still might hurt.

All the best, that’s my wish for you, and for me❤️

 

Make the Choice!

Life will feel like it’s screwing you over at times. Out of nowhere, the shit that you had no idea was midair will hit that fan and you won’t be able to duck away from the shitstorm! In those moments, you have a choice. You can sit there, covered in all of the shit and sulk…. OR you can scream a little and then use your frustration and turn it into motivation.

A few days ago I got a bit of a shitty surprise that came out of nowhere, and it made me sad and angry. What exactly happened is not really important, and I won’t get into any details here. But after being a bit shocked, and then trying to make sense of it, I decided to turn it all into action. I chose to write about it, to plan new stories and films. I turned my tears and my anger into motivation. A drive to growth and moving way beyond. To not focus on the hurt, but still be mindful of it. To let my creativity work with the senseless. Because the fact of the matter is this; Life is too short to spend a lot of time and energy on the people or the actions that pull you down.

I choose to walk out with a smile, and to keep doing what I love most! We can all make the choice to see the positive of a shitty situation. It can be hard as hell though, I know! But it’s so worth it❤️

Staying positive and grateful can be really challenging at times. I’m not even going to try to say that I manage to do so every day. I have days where staying strong for too long gets to me and I will isolate myself for a day (or a weekend) and just get it all out. But I have to say that the choice to stay as grateful as I possibly can have definitely changed my life for the better. And the universe has granted me so much more of what I’ve asked for too.

So make the choice to make the most out of your life. Smile, stay positive and grateful! Allow yourself to be sad and angry too, but don’t stay in that negative space. You might find inspiration there, but it’s not where the magic happens ❤️

Love you my dear lovelies!

The Things I’m Left With

Through the years, there have been some people who came into my life and are now no longer a part of it. Some ended in goodbyes, some just disappeared and other’s are still around, but not in the same way.

Here are some of the things they left behind:

  • I have new holes in my bookshelves. I’ve given away so many books, and I don’t regret a single one. That being said, there are also some new additions to my collection that came from people who stopped by. Thank you💛
  • I now kind of like pineapple on pizza, and I like raisins, which are both things that I used to despise! You made that happen and I have no idea how. Thank you❤️
  • So many of the songs on my Spotify playlists are ones that are left behind, and ones that I probably would have never discovered if it weren’t for some of you. Thank you💛
  • More depth to my stories and my characters. Every single one who has ever been a part of my life are poured into my writing. Some inspire a whole character and/or story alone, while other’s only play a tiny part. My stories would’ve never been the same without you guys. Thank you ❤️
  • Some of the destinations I’ve traveled to were gifts or invites. The trips would have never been the same if it weren’t for some of the adventurers I’ve met. Thank you💛
  • Some of the courage that is now a part of my everyday life comes from having to stand up to you. I wish it didn’t have to happen, but I’m happy for all that it has taught me. Thank you❤️
  • My self-love! None of you gave it to me, but if my heart hadn’t been broken in so many pieces that it has, I probably wouldn’t have learned to cherish every piece as much as I have. Through the cracks, new flowers bloom, just as the pain caused by you turned into a love for myself. Thank you💛
  • Those things that I now know that my body likes and can do. In the way that hands explored my body, I got to know it in new ways. By allowing you to explore, I learned new trails on this map of my body. Thank you❤️
  • The knowing of the fact that I’m still able to fall in love. There’s been a lot of pain through the years. For every time I’ve opened up to one of you, taken down my guard and then ended up broken, it gets harder and harder to do it again. But for every time that it happens, I’m also reminded that I can still fall in love. It’s nice to be reminded that even though I’ve been broken, all the parts still work.            Thank you💛

 

These are some of the things that I’m left with, and I’m insanely grateful for each and every one of them!

The answer is love and gratitude. Having that as my main focus has changed my life in ways I couldn’t even have imagined.

Thank you❤️

Goosebumps, Smiles, and Tears

A couple of months back, my mom invited me to go to a concert with her, my stepdad and my little brother. I had very little knowledge about the singer other than having seen a broadcast of a Christmas concert he did last year. I did however already know that I loved his voice and that it was my kind of music. And let’s face it, I’m a sucker for a good voice and nice lyrics that has a nice hat attached to its owner!

Those who know me are very aware of how emotional I can be. I get very easily moved by music, movies, people, moments, memories, sights, you name it. And there’s something so powerful about being present at a good concert. The music, the voices, and the atmosphere (if right) gives me goosebumps, makes me smile, and even makes me cry. Sometimes all three happen at the same time. It is a very emotional, but truly wonderful experience because it is so raw. I have absolutely no control over it, and it is moments like that where I am so incredibly present! It feels like everything else just disappears.

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Adam Douglas and his band made exactly that happen yesterday, and I’m so grateful for the experience. So grateful that I feel so much, that I get so easily moved, and that music makes me so mindful and present.

Thank you to Adam Douglas, his wonderful band, and (of course) my mom for a wonderful Saturday night, for all the goosebumps, the smiles, and the tears❤

Midnight Gratefulness 

Well in all honesty, the clock passed midnight way over an hour ago. But that is only a minor detail. 

There’s been so many surprises and wonderful things happening lately and at this very moment I’m lying in bed completely awestruck and so unbelievably grateful and excited!

First off I have to mention that Paulo Coelho shared both my written review and my video review of his book Adultery on his Facebook and Twitter! 

   

 
  
And yes! I shamelessly print screened it because this is freaking huge and utterly amazing! To be acknowledged for something that you do by someone you admire makes you feel so incredibly lucky and so grateful! This is something I will remember the rest of my life!! 

 And even though I’ve always loved reading (way before I started my blog and my YouTube channel) this made me even more motivated to read even more and expand my horizons while sharing it all with you guys! 

My views on this blog hit an all time record! I now have over 300 followers on this blog and over 100 followers on YouTube and it’s all happening at record speed now. At the time when I’m writing this, my video review of Adultery just passed 2000 views in just over 24 hours of it being published on my channel. 2000! It’s mind boggling to me but so amazing at the same time!

It’s so wonderful to read your comments and e-mails. And in a moment like this it is really hard to find the words that do my feelings justice, but to simply sum it up:

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! 

You’re all amazing and I love you guys so much! Thanks for all the lovely comments, constructive criticism, tips and encouraging words! You all warm my heart and inspire me endlessly! 

 
Now that I got to pour my heart out I’m going to try to get some sleep (with a huge smile on my face and a couple of matching tears) so wish me good luck 🙂