Here’s what I think about mornings!

Most days I wake up with sleep still lingering in my eyes, and my body feeling heavy from the trip back from dreamland and into reality. But I also wake up being grateful for the fact that I get another day. I’m usually excited about what’s to come.

It took me a lot of years to realize that every morning is a new beginning. And every day is an opportunity for anything to happen.

On the days that I have to leave early for work, it makes me extra happy to see the sun come through my window to greet me. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t love to stay in bed for a few more hours, but when I actually do get up, it’s rare that I do so without a hint of a smile on my face, even though it is a sleepy one.

On the weekends, I love waking up to the sound of rain. Knowing that I have nowhere to rush off to. I can turn up the music, dance around in my pj’s and just enjoy the moment. Or, I can crawl out of bed, get comfy with a book on my couch and just stay there. Sometimes I even go so far that I get out of bed to make my morning coffee, just to bring it back into bed and stay there for as long as I feel like it. Because even though I love new experiences and adventures, I also love to spend a day doing absolutely nothing remotely productive at times. Well, except for reading of course. And that in itself is kind of like going on an adventure. So maybe they’re not so far apart after all.

During the summer I like to bring my morning coffee outside, together with some fresh fruit, and just sit and listen to the birds. It’s a wonderful thing to just enjoy the morning as a new beginning to what is yet unknown.

I like to think about what I am grateful for in the morning. If I have the time, I will write down five things that I am grateful for in my journal. If I’ve snoozed for too long, I try to make a mental list instead.

Those are most of my days. But there are other days. Other mornings. Once in a while, I will wake up and feel overwhelmed by the world. On those days the morning does not feel like an exciting start to a new adventure. On those days it feels like the morning is a heavy demon that sits on my chest and refuses to move. I can ask it nicely, scream at it, fight it, but it just won’t budge. It will stay put, looking down at me and start whispering all the things I don’t want to hear.

Those days are hard. Getting out of bed is a challenge on days like that.

Whether you’ve experienced the same thing or not, I just want you to know that it’s okay to have tough mornings as well as the good ones. Life is hard. It’s challenging and it will test us. Not every morning can be filled with singing birds and gratitude lists. Some mornings will suck, and that’s okay. Don’t let it get to you. Don’t let the bad days define you.

But I’m also here to remind you to be extra mindful of both the good and the bad mornings. Take notice of your feelings, and of what is going on in your life. Listen to your body, and to your inner voice.

Cherish the good morning! Learn from the bad ones ❤️

You Can Miss Someone and Not Want Them Back

“I miss him.”

“Why? He broke your heart? You know he’s no good for you!”

Sounds familiar?

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay to miss someone and not want them back! If you need it, then I hereby give you the total freedom to miss that someone. Just try to not get completely lost in it, and make decisions that you know aren’t good for you out from that feeling. Because the missing someone, we can’t really control, no matter how much we’d like to. But we are in control of our actions based on the feelings we feel.

And even though a relationship ended for all the right reasons, or all the wrong reasons, there is a good chance that you can still look back on that relationship and see some of the parts that was good about it. You’re allowed to miss that. Often it isn’t really about missing that someone anyways, it’s usually about missing what that someone made you feel.

How you smiled more, how your heart skipped a beat, how you impatiently looked forward to the next time you would see each other again, and how your body reacted to that other person’s touch, sounds and/or smells. It is only human that when someone or something that took up so much space in your everyday life, suddenly just doesn’t, that it takes some adjustment.

I believe that we find ourselves again after every breakup, and that someone we find is naturally different from the one we used to be.

Because who are we are tend to change when you and I turns into we, and as a couple we tend do evolve together as well as on our own. And when that evolved entity breaks apart, we are left with a part that feels unfinished. We feel broken, and after the grieving and the worst of the pain we start the search, not for the one, but for the one we want to be. And that someone isn’t always the one we used to be. Sometimes it’s someone entirely different. Sometimes it’s finding a whole new you.

Well, I guess everyone’s path to walk and way to process is different, but this is how I usually experience going through a breakup.

And even though I am very grateful and happy or all the experiences that I’ve had, and how much I’ve learned from them, I still find myself missing the good parts of relationships that obviously wasn’t meant to be.

I used to beat myself up about it, but I try not to do that anymore. Instead, I let the emotions go through me, then I remind myself of the thing that I don’t miss, and afterwards I make a mental list of what I can take away from the experiences. What have I learned about the things I want (and don’t want) in my life and in my relationships.

Life is a constant education, and we have to try our very best to make the most of it. Because life is short and love is precious. People can be cruel, but they can be pretty awe droppingly amazing too.

So, don’t beat yourself up for missing someone you don’t want back. Acknowledge the fact that after everything you’ve gone through, you’re still able to see the good things in all the hurt. You love yourself enough to miss the warm feeling of your own happiness.

Give yourself a big hug (or imagine that I’m giving you one) and then get out there and make some new memories.

You deserve that happiness❤️

The Little Things ❤️

I’m writing this from the “comfort” of my own bed, where I’ve spent most of the last two days.

Don’t get me wrong, the actual bed in itself is comfortable, but the coughing, headache and fever makes anywhere quite uncomfortable at the moment.

I woke up this afternoon after some hours of fever dreams, feeling a slight bit of hunger, but not really wanting my leftovers from yesterday.

Going to the store was out of the question considering the state I’m in where going to the bathroom takes all the energy I can muster. Hoping for a tiny miracle, I had a look in my freezer. Guess what?! I found an everyday miracle right there! A small box with the label: Pumpkin soup 2018 C.

I had completely forgotten that my dad had made a batch of vegan pumpkin soup for me to bring home with me a few months ago. I ate one of them and then decided to save the rest ones for a rainy day. The rainy day came, and there it was, my savior in a plastic box.

I almost started crying right then and there. Yes, I get slightly more emotional and vulnerable when I’m sick.

Just found myself so moved and grateful for the little things! The small acts of love that means so much more than we give them credit for.

I heated up the soup and for a tiny moment when eating it, I was in total bliss, fever and all❤️

It’s all the little things that makes up for the big thing that is our life. And sometimes a box of homemade soup can be the little thing that creates a moment of total happiness, love and gratitude. Don’t underestimate the strength and importance of small acts of care and love❤️

Was it Fruitful?

So I went to London, I ate plenty of good food, drank the whisky and met some wonderful people too.

But Christina, you went to London to write! I didn’t see a lot of Insta stories of you doing that, so how fruitful was the trip really?

It was even more fruitful and creative than I imagined it would be! And the thing is, when I get into the mood of writing, that’s pretty much all I focus on, so that’s why I don’t show that much of it. And I can imagine that me posting a lot of pictures and videos of just me in a bar with my computer would be very repetitive and not really all that interesting to watch in the long run.

But I got down over 10 000 words on my novel! 10 000 words in 5 days!

There’s something magical with the relationship between me and London. My creativity blossoms as soon as I get a little bit of that London feeling.

A nice walk by the Thames, a coconut latte from Pret and then I’m all set. The words just pour out of me, and it feels so good!

And the best part of it all, is that the words have kept coming since I got home. It feels like I took a little bit of that London magic with me home this time around, and I’m so grateful for it!

I will be sharing more about my trip in the next couple of days! Have some wonderful restaurants to recommend to you guys, and maybe also a few personal stories to tell!

But now, I have to get back to my novel!

Hope you are all doing well❤️

Oh, and let me know; Do you have any places you go where you just get instantly more creative, or is that just me? And if you do, where is it?

The Dealbreaker

Sometimes relationships end because people fall out of love. Sometimes it’s the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time. Sometime’s it just doesn’t feel right. Other times one is left without really knowing the reason.

All of the above. I’ve been there. But this time I want to talk about dealbreakers.

Sometimes the right person comes along. Someone who is funny, kind, liked by your friends, the sex is great, the conversations even better, not afraid to show affection, or to plan things for the future together.

And sometimes that perfect bubble bursts when you realize that you both have a dealbreaker that completely crashes with each other.

I experienced that a little while ago. Everything was going great until it wasn’t. For a few months I was no longer the single girl, but in a weird turn of events (after a few years of errors and heartbreaks) I found myself in a relationship again. A relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy. We had so much fun together, and I missed him whenever we were apart. I guess we lived in a bubble of the starting phase of it all. As time went by though, he realized that having kids of his own was more important to him than he first thought.

This is a thing that’s a dealbreaker to me. I think kids are wonderful, and I love my son more than anything, but I can’t picture myself starting all over with a baby after so many years. I’ve written about this before, and just like I wrote then I still am 99% sure that more kids are not in the future for me.

And to continue on in a relationship with someone that truly wants kids of their own would be bitterness waiting to happen. I don’t want to put someone through that, and neither did he.

Breakups are sad, no matter how right they are. But I do want to send out a thank you to this wonderful man that I got to share my life and my thoughts with for a few months.

Opening up was hard, but you gave me hope again. Even though I opened up to something that eventually ended, I am no longer as afraid and pessimistic about love and dating, as I used to be.

You helped me out of a place where I feared love. A place where every potential someone was more of a potential heartbreak than anything else. You proved to me that there are still nice guys out there. And yes, nice boys do kiss like that!

Thank you for helping me out of the dark hole of the dating world that I had fallen into.

I wish you nothing but the best, and the woman that ends up with you will be so, so lucky!

Lots of love  ❤️

I moved on, but there’s still love.

After the pain of a breakup or a fallout from a relationship, whether it’s a longterm one or “just” dating for a while, there will come times where the pain will resurface.

Moving on doesn’t mean that you stop loving the person. For me, when I move on from a relationship where there’s been love involved, the love doesn’t necessarily go away. I think that true love, for both lovers and friends, means that you want the best for that person, no matter if that involves you or not. And in the cases of unrequited love especially, there’s that part of me that wants nothing but happiness for the other person even though it hurts like hell knowing that I won’t be a part of that happiness.

Time heals, but after the moving on from what ended, it can still be painful to watch the lover of the past move on with someone else. To see that look in their eyes that used to be so familiar, being sent someone else’s way can be hard. To know that the fingers that used to intertwine with yours are now getting to know the feel of another hand. That the lips you used to kiss are kissed by someone else. It can feel a bit like ripping up an old wound. It’s kind of like looking at a mirror that’s just off. One that shows part of what you remember and also part of what you thought the future would look like.

A little while ago I experienced just that. I was the witness of someone that was a big part of my life obviously moving on with someone new. They looked so happy together. They looked like there was no one else in the world but the two of them.

As I looked at them I was so happy for the two, but I also felt like something split open inside of me. I felt a whole range of emotions in such a short period of time, and I was completely overwhelmed and unprepared for it.

So, I did what I normally do when I encounter moments where I find myself a bit lost. I took time to myself, both alone and with people that I love and trust. I was very mindful of everything I felt. I wrote, a lot. And I processed.

I don’t have the answers to why we feel like we do, or what the right path to go is, but here’s where my thoughts gathered:

Even though I moved on, there’s still love.

Even though there’s still love, doesn’t mean that I want you back.

Even though I don’t want you back, I want you to be happy. 

And even though I’m happy for you, it still might hurt.

All the best, that’s my wish for you, and for me❤️

 

Make the Choice!

Life will feel like it’s screwing you over at times. Out of nowhere, the shit that you had no idea was midair will hit that fan and you won’t be able to duck away from the shitstorm! In those moments, you have a choice. You can sit there, covered in all of the shit and sulk…. OR you can scream a little and then use your frustration and turn it into motivation.

A few days ago I got a bit of a shitty surprise that came out of nowhere, and it made me sad and angry. What exactly happened is not really important, and I won’t get into any details here. But after being a bit shocked, and then trying to make sense of it, I decided to turn it all into action. I chose to write about it, to plan new stories and films. I turned my tears and my anger into motivation. A drive to growth and moving way beyond. To not focus on the hurt, but still be mindful of it. To let my creativity work with the senseless. Because the fact of the matter is this; Life is too short to spend a lot of time and energy on the people or the actions that pull you down.

I choose to walk out with a smile, and to keep doing what I love most! We can all make the choice to see the positive of a shitty situation. It can be hard as hell though, I know! But it’s so worth it❤️

Staying positive and grateful can be really challenging at times. I’m not even going to try to say that I manage to do so every day. I have days where staying strong for too long gets to me and I will isolate myself for a day (or a weekend) and just get it all out. But I have to say that the choice to stay as grateful as I possibly can have definitely changed my life for the better. And the universe has granted me so much more of what I’ve asked for too.

So make the choice to make the most out of your life. Smile, stay positive and grateful! Allow yourself to be sad and angry too, but don’t stay in that negative space. You might find inspiration there, but it’s not where the magic happens ❤️

Love you my dear lovelies!

The Things I’m Left With

Through the years, there have been some people who came into my life and are now no longer a part of it. Some ended in goodbyes, some just disappeared and other’s are still around, but not in the same way.

Here are some of the things they left behind:

• I have new holes in my bookshelves. I’ve given away so many books, and I don’t regret a single one. That being said, there are also some new additions to my collection that came from people who stopped by. Thank you💛
• I now kind of like pineapple on pizza, and I like raisins, which are both things that I used to despise! You made that happen and I have no idea how. Thank you❤️
• So many of the songs on my Spotify playlists are ones that are left behind, and ones that I probably would have never discovered if it weren’t for some of you. Thank you💛
• More depth to my stories and my characters. Every single one who has ever been a part of my life are poured into my writing. Some inspire a whole character and/or story alone, while other’s only play a tiny part. My stories would’ve never been the same without you guys. Thank you ❤️
• Some of the destinations I’ve traveled to were gifts or invites. The trips would have never been the same if it weren’t for some of the adventurers I’ve met. Thank you💛
• Some of the courage that is now a part of my everyday life comes from having to stand up to you. I wish it didn’t have to happen, but I’m happy for all that it has taught me. Thank you❤️
• My self-love! None of you gave it to me, but if my heart hadn’t been broken in so many pieces that it has, I probably wouldn’t have learned to cherish every piece as much as I have. Through the cracks, new flowers bloom, just as the pain caused by you turned into a love for myself. Thank you💛
• Those things that I now know that my body likes and can do. In the way that hands explored my body, I got to know it in new ways. By allowing you to explore, I learned new trails on this map of my body. Thank you❤️
• The knowing of the fact that I’m still able to fall in love. There’s been a lot of pain through the years. For every time I’ve opened up to one of you, taken down my guard and then ended up broken, it gets harder and harder to do it again. But for every time that it happens, I’m also reminded that I can still fall in love. It’s nice to be reminded that even though I’ve been broken, all the parts still work.            Thank you💛

 

These are some of the things that I’m left with, and I’m insanely grateful for each and every one of them!

The answer is love and gratitude. Having that as my main focus has changed my life in ways I couldn’t even have imagined.

Thank you❤️

Goosebumps, Smiles, and Tears

A couple of months back, my mom invited me to go to a concert with her, my stepdad and my little brother. I had very little knowledge about the singer other than having seen a broadcast of a Christmas concert he did last year. I did however already know that I loved his voice and that it was my kind of music. And let’s face it, I’m a sucker for a good voice and nice lyrics that has a nice hat attached to its owner!

Those who know me are very aware of how emotional I can be. I get very easily moved by music, movies, people, moments, memories, sights, you name it. And there’s something so powerful about being present at a good concert. The music, the voices, and the atmosphere (if right) gives me goosebumps, makes me smile, and even makes me cry. Sometimes all three happen at the same time. It is a very emotional, but truly wonderful experience because it is so raw. I have absolutely no control over it, and it is moments like that where I am so incredibly present! It feels like everything else just disappears.

Adam Douglas and his band made exactly that happen yesterday, and I’m so grateful for the experience. So grateful that I feel so much, that I get so easily moved, and that music makes me so mindful and present.

Thank you to Adam Douglas, his wonderful band, and (of course) my mom for a wonderful Saturday night, for all the goosebumps, the smiles, and the tears❤

Starting Grateful

Lately I’ve been slowly working my way back into the good daily routines I used to have a few months back. It’s taking some time, but I’m definitely on the right track now. Getting up earlier, getting back into yoga, writing daily, dancing every morning and I have to say that this Saturday morning was almost a perfect one!

I got to bed before midnight yesterday (shocking, I know!), and because I didn’t have to set an alarm for today, I slept until 9 am and got myself a solid night of sleep before starting the day.

Got up and danced my way around in the living room to get the blood running. This is the song I morning danced to today:

Then I sat down in my tiny office and answered some YouTube comments, worked on a writing assignment and made som plans for next weeks posts.

After that I made some vegan pancakes, and coffee. Spoiled myself a little bit! It’s Saturday after all 😉 I posted the recipe for the vegan pancakes a while back. You can find it here 😊

And then I got back to a routine that I’ve really been missing lately; Gratitude journaling.

I used to do it every morning, but haven’t for what seems like forever. It’s such a wonderful way to start the day! It can change the whole outlook on a day, just starting it with gratitude! If you haven’t tried it before, then I highly recommend that you do so!

Now it’s time for some yoga! What are you up to this Saturday?

Wish you all a wonderful weekend!