Why I Deleted My Dating Apps

So, it’s been three years since I had my last long term relationship. Three years of self-discovery, dating, heartbreaks, experiences, new friends, lost lovers and dating apps.

But over a month ago, I deleted the dating apps on my phone, and today I’m going to tell you why.

But first, let’s talk about dating apps in general.

Did you know that a university in Texas did research on dating apps and mental health? And what they found was that a steadily increasing number of users experienced feeling less satisfied with their face and their bodies after using dating apps!

Dating apps have also been linked to depression and increased levels of anxiety.

And the worst part about all of this is that I’m not even a little bit surprised.

I’ve had an on and off, love/hate relationship with Tinder for the last three years. I’ve lost count of how many times I have deleted the app, just to end up reinstalling it a week later after a couple of glasses of wine and then finding myself swiping my way to sleep.

Now I’m not going to say that Tinder is all bad. I’ve met some amazing people through the app and had some incredible adventures. I also learned a lot about myself and what I’m actually looking for.

But the increasing dissatisfaction and lowered self-esteem, I felt that too.

After several let downs by people who claimed to be looking for something serious and later admitting to not be ready for something serious (which is a bullshit excuse to try to let someone down easy instead of being honest), ghosting, and downright weirdness, I was starting to feel my self-confidence drifting away.

I found myself feeling lonely and down more often. Going on first dates no longer felt exciting for a possible good outcome, but more of a complicated track to a potential letdown. My positivity to love and dating almost disappeared completely. And when I found myself not having a natural skepticism to new people, but having the expectations of them going to hurt me in one way or the other, that was the time when I knew I had to make some changes.

To be completely honest with you guys, the night I deleted my Tinder, I sat on my kitchen counter eating peanut butter straight out of the jar and crying my eyes out because I felt lonely. I poured myself a glass of my favorite whisky, started writing down a list of things I wanted to focus and use my energy on, and then I found my phone and deleted Tinder and Happn. I felt so relieved!

And because that was a low, lower than one I had ever reached because of dating, there was a feeling of that choice being more permanent than any of the other times I deleted the apps.

So, what happened after that night?

Firstly, I haven’t been tempted to reinstall it once!

Secondly, I felt my confidence and happiness levels slowly and steadily rising again.

And thirdly, my creativity flourished!

I found myself focusing more on the things that I truly love. And without the mood swings and hours wasted on trying to search for connections, I got so much more work done than I had in a long time.

To stop pursuing dating was the best decision I have made in a really long time!

Now I’m not saying that I will never date again, but I’m not spending my time searching for that next first date, the next potential connection. I’m done with dating being a way to pass time by swiping left and right. Life simply is too short for that!

So instead of spending time on dates that goes nowhere, I’ve traveled more, written more, and met some freaking amazing people! I’ve started taking myself on me-dates again like I used to do. I’ve found my confidence back, and I find myself smiling for no reason so much more often, just like I used to. I feel like I’ve found my way back to the me that I love, and to the creativity that I’m so passionate about.

I know a lot of people find their partners through Tinder and other dating apps, and I think that’s absolutely fantastic! The world needs more love!

But I have found that my life is better without dating apps in it❤️

What I Have Learned From Pain

A lot of people have a very strong fear of the feeling of psychological pain, and that is completely understandable. Other have a craving for it. I wouldn’t say that I fall into either of the two categories.

I don’t particularly enjoy the hurt, but whenever I come across it, I choose to be very mindful of the pain. It’s not the same as wallowing in it, or making it into a bigger deal than it is. It is about being open to the lessons that are there to be learned because of the pain. It’s about daring to say: You know what, I’m not okay, but that’s okay too!

In a lecture by Alan Watts, he talks about how there is no wrong way to feel because feelings are something that comes to you, and that happens (very often) without your ability to control it in that very moment. You can control how you choose to act on it, and thereby shift your path into new ones that will come with other emotions, but what you are feeling is a 100% true to you. I really like that way of thinking, and I believe that kind of mindset is a way to be very mindful of your emotions.

Don’t shut them out. Don’t hide them. And don’t be embarrassed by them. Meet them at the door and instead of telling them to leave, ask them why they have come. Ask them what they can teach you, and how you can grow from it ❤️

That is what I have learned from my painful experiences; that no matter how much it hurts or how hopeless everything feels in the midst of it all, I always come out on the other side as a stronger and more aware person. Through all of the experiences, all of the emotions (good and bad) and all the people I meet, that is the way that I grow. And if there’s one thing that I will always strive for, it is to continuously grow for as long as I get to wander this earth❤️

I Smiled and It Made Me Cry

About a week before Christmas I had a very powerful and wonderful experience. I tried to write about it back then, but couldn’t seem to find the right words, so it ended up as an unfiltered mess in my journal instead. But now I’m giving it a second go.

I can’t remember exactly what I’d been doing that evening, but I was on my way home.

I remember lots of moonlight and my breath coming out in frosty clouds. With music in my ears I walked without really paying attention to where I was going, lost in thought. And then all of a sudden I stopped walking, looked up at the stars and noticed that I was smiling. No, not just smiling, I was grinning! And the best part was, I had no idea why!

This is not uncommon for me. I find joy in the smallest of things, and I’m obnoxiously positive (most of the time), but this was little over a month after my recent heartbreak. It had been a while since I’d felt like the regular me.

And the thing that hit me hard in that moment was that I realized just how long I’d gone without feeling that kind of joy over nothing but a nice night out, and being lost in my own headspace.  Upon that realization, I started to cry. So I walked the rest of the way home, looking like a grinning, crying lunatic, and I didn’t even care.

The tears came from the overwhelming sensation of knowing that I was finally on my way back to my usual self! They were tears of relief!

When I got home, the first thing I did was that I sent a text to the group chat I have with some of my closest girlfriends. I wanted to share my special moment, and the soulmates I have that I needed to tell it to was them! And not just because I wanted to share what had happened, but also because I know that the road would’ve been a lot longer to walk without meaningless grins if it weren’t for all of their love and support.

I had to tell them, because much of that moment was thanks to them. And most importantly, I had to tell them just how much I love them for being the wonderful people that they are!

Now I won’t try to say that every day since then has been all smiles and sunshine, but I’m happy to report that I find myself grinning for no reason more and more often!

It feels so good! In a way, it feels like coming home ❤️

When was the last time you grinned by yourself for no reason? If it’s been a while, I hope you get there soon! And while you heal, I’m here, if you need me…

 

Working With Books!

So, I was talking about starting new chapters in my last post and one of the very exciting and very new chapters that’s started in my life is my new job.

I’ve written about the physical struggle I’ve been through with my shoulders and arms the last year and it’s been a whole lot of painful and not to mention, hard on me psychologically as well. It finally came to a point where I got the message that working in an office and sitting in front of the computer eight hours a day just wasn’t going to work for me. My doctor and other specialists recommended me to end that chapter and start looking for a new one.

Have you ever had that feeling that a particular opportunity was waiting for you to just open the door and let it in? This one felt kind of like that. Everything just happened so fast! I found a listing for a job at a bookstore very close to where I live and I just about had the time to send in my application before the deadline. Just a few days later I was called in for an interview and another few days later I was offered a job.

I can’t believe that out of the 400 people that applied for this job, I’m now the lucky one to be able to work with my passion and love. And that feeling of walking into my job and being surrounded by written words is such an amazing one.

I now have a part time job that I really look forward to coming to and I have the time to work on getting even better physically. I also have time to work on the other sides of my book passion, like my writing, reading, blogging and YouTubing.

I have a feeling that this is the start of something great! I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me now!

I’m very humble and grateful for everything. My new job, the people close to me, you readers and life in general! This life is such an amazing journey and even though parts of it is rough and messy, we must never give up!

That one amazing opportunity might be sitting around waiting for you too. You just have to take the chance, go out and go look for it!

The Power of Good News

The bad news:
There is no key to happiness…

The good news:
It isn’t locked!

I’m a strong believer in that happiness attracts more happiness and it has been like that lately for me. No life is perfect, and I’m not trying to say that mine is, but who in their right minds want perfect?? When you really think about it, what would be left to live for if everything was perfect? Nothing to strive for. Nothing to dream about. The perfect life would then be imperfect, and I’m glad that it’s an unrealistic reality.
But some days are truly perfect. Everything doesn’t have to go like you planned and still there are these tiny moments that makes that day so perfect it could possibly be. Like meeting an old friend that you’ve missed. That night when you kiss your crush for the first time. Or maybe just that day when you got unexpected life changing news! That day came for me today. I’m not going into details on the news because it’s really not that interesting or exciting for anyone else really, but that tiny bit of news is life changing for me. It has brought an extra amount of laughter and smiles all day long and my dreams and goals are getting closer and closer.

I’ve stopped looking for the key to happiness a long time ago. Happiness is what I want it to be. I’m already in the land of happiness and I’m exploring it and loving the journey!
Want to tag a long on the ride? Just smile 🙂