Where Are You Christmas?

Christmas is the most magical time of the year, or so I used to think.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a crazy amount of Christmas spirit. Starting to watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas music in October, unable to wait for December to arrive to decorate my apartment, having the most fun wrapping gifts and effortlessly spreading as much Christmas joy as I could.

Something changed. I’m not sure exactly when, but this is the third year that the Christmas spirit I used to feel so strongly has been completed absent. No warm fuzzy feeling, no extra joy over all the things I used to love about this time of year, but instead I have an urgent wish to get away. All I’ve wanted for the past two holidays has been to cancel Christmas and leave. To go to some beach and just sit with my feet in the sand with a drink in my hand.

So, where did all that Christmas spirit go? Have I lost it completely? Or did I just come to realize how commercial and shallow this holiday really is?

I’m still trying to watch Christmas movies, listen to the music, hoping that it comes alive again, but I’m not sure what I’m doing for Christmas this year.

I don’t have the budget for a tropical holiday, and I’m not sure if I even want to celebrate this year. One part of me is tempted to stay at home, lock the door and just have a cozy lonely night. Another part of me wants to spend time with the family.

We’re already in November and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I really don’t know…