Thinking about donating…

Ever since I was a little girl, I thought I would one day have a family like the one I grew up in. I had this idea of me living a pretty standard life with a house, husband and 2-3 kids. But as I grew up, had my son at 19, and then didn’t really stumble upon true love after that, my idea of how I wanted my life to be drastically changed. I don’t really desire to have more kids, and when it comes to the husband, I have no urging desire to get married either.

Would I like to find a life partner? Sure! But I’m in no rush. And I want it to be right. I’ve fallen in love a few times, but it hasn’t worked out. And now, I’m on this great journey of self discovering and exploring. I have a great kid, and I love him with every fibre of my being, but I’ve come to realise that I don’t see myselg having more kids. I love babies, love playing and being childish, but I love my freedom as well.

I can’t imagine starting over with a tiny baby, especially now that my son has gotten so independent. I love being able to be there as he discovers who he is and who he wants to be, and I can definitely understand other people’s craving for that experience. The wish to be a parent. It is a gift and a wonderful experience!

So now that I’ve gotten comfortable with the thought of most likely, not having more kids, I’m thinking about helping out others. I’m currently researching my options for donating eggs.

If I could help someone less fortunate than me, then why not? I’m in a position where I could make someone’s dreams come true. Why wouldn’t I?

 

I was thinking about growing up…

Last week my son turned eight years old! EIGHT! In danger of sounding like an utter cliché: Where did time go? 

I remember it like it was yesterday that he was just a little baby without words to express himself. But now he’s rapidly growing into someone that I get to know a little more everyday. 

I catch myself thinking back to when I was eight, trying to remember my biggest worries and joys. Some are easy and others not. As I get older it seems that a lot of my childhood memories get smooshed into one and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly which memories are from what age. 

So what did I really know when I was eight? 

I knew I wanted to be a writer, and I think I already was one. I made tiny books out of coloured paper and I wrote stories and gave them to people I loved. I still write and I still love it just as much! 

I knew that I wanted to be like the grown ups, because everything seemed so easy and accessible to them. I was wrong. Now I find myself wishing I could be that kid again. Knowing how complicated it really is to live a grown up life. To climb those trees and believe fairy tales. 

I knew that by the time I would turn twenty-five I would have found Mr. Right, be married and maybe think about starting a family. I was so wrong! Things rarely go according to plan. We all learn that the hard way. 

I knew that I loved books! That love has grown and grown and grown into something so big that I find it hard to put it into words. 

So I guess I knew some things, but I was obviously clueless and naive about others, but I think that’s sort of the beauty of growing up. Finding those things that expands and take roots inside of us. Those little seeds that are inside of us as children that actually starts to grow and refuses to leave. The branches that guides us to a place that we need to be. On a journey we need to go.

But along that journey, some branches die. Some seeds never sprouts, but maybe there’s a reason for that. It might hurt (like hell) but we learn from the pain as well if we refuse to let it defeat us. 

So now I watch my little boy whenever he’s caught up in his own thoughts and I wonder just where he travels. If some of his thoughts and adventures will be the same as mine. If some of my dreams and hopes will be shared with him. 

I wonder what he knows. Sometimes I ask him, but I think he likes to keep some of it to himself just like I did. 

I hope he dreams big and even bigger than big. I hope he reaches for them. I hope his inner tree of dreams grows so big that it almost doesn’t fit him, and that he climbs it all the way to the top and sees the world differently. 

I hope he grabs hold of a good branch whenever another one dies and breaks off. And if he do falls down I hope that he climbs right back up again and sees it as nothing else than a little setback. 

I hope that his life is filled with journeys that he will never forget.

But most of all I hope to be a part of it. If not by being there, then I hope he’ll want to share them with me. Tell me the stories of his life. The joys and the sorrows. I will never know all the answers to all of his questions, but I will always try to help. I will tell him about my climb up my tree, not for the purpose of telling him which branch to go to next. He’ll have to make those decisions for himself, but maybe my stories can help him to see the warning signs of a bad branch from time to time. 

His Tears Transformed Into Words

‘Mom?’

His tears are running down his face like the purest little rivers. The ones that breaks a mothers heart in an instant.

‘What is it sweetie?’

‘I don’t think anybody likes me…’

He runs into my arms, crying, and while I stroke his back I ask him if anyone has told him that they don’t like him. He shakes his head and gives me an answer I never saw coming.

‘How can they like me when I look so weird?’

 ***

This really happened tonight! My six years old son was so scared of people not liking him because of his appearance. SIX!! He sat there in my arms while I told him the importance of real friends. Had him count the friends he loves and I could tell him that his number of best friends was no less than my number.

I told him that in life he will meet people that might not like him, but that he must never let that bring him down. That he has to remember that it is not important to be liked by everyone, but to try to be nice to everyone.

We hugged each other and I followed him back to bed, tucked him in and kissed him goodnight. The tears were gone and he smiled. A few minutes later he was sound asleep.

My mind has been running a marathon for almost an hour now. How screwed up have we become? These beauty ideals that are being flaunted at us from every direction is so out of place, so wrong and so meaningless. It makes me sad and angry to know that they reach kids at age SIX and makes them question and worry about their looks. Things like that should be the last worry on their minds!

We as adults (not just parents alone) have to really think about what kind of ideals we want to leave to the next generation. They pick up on how we talk and act. Listening to us looking at pictures and commenting about the look of famous people can be disturbing enough!

‘Wow! She’s certainly put on some weight!’

‘What’s up with that outfit?!’

‘She’s dating THAT guy?’

‘He looks so old!’

And not just celebrities either. I hear these comments everywhere and we tend to forget that tiny ears hear them too.

It doesn’t matter if you’re “just picking on someone who can’t hear it” because those tiny ears won’t know the difference of telling it to their faces or talking behind their backs. What they get out of it is how much we focus on appearances. Of how important it is to look good.

Think about the appearance pressure that a lot of us adults feel and then try to imagine how tough that pressure must be on an innocent child!

All that negativity that we put out into the world is being picked up by the next generation.

Think about that for a moment!

Now, think about how great it would be if we could change that. By teaching each other to see things differently. To talk about others in another way.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

That is what we try to teach our kids, right? Maybe it’s about time we teach it to ourselves as well.

Spread joy and smiles, not worries and tears!

Let us teach those tiny ears to love themselves and not to pass judgment on others. This world needs more sunshine and more love! Let us shift our focus!

Are you with me?

Oh!! For Heaven’s Sake!

Here’s me lashing out!

I went to Disney on Ice today with my son and my boyfriend and it was lovely! The show was amazing!

But one thing wasn’t. The kid on the row behind us who kept kicking in the back of our seats! I could hear the soft voice of the kids mother telling her to stop, but what do you know?? The earthquake in our backs kept coming.

What is it about some parents that thinks that they don’t have the time or need to discipline their children? This was of course a very small case that I encountered today, but in my years working in retail and cafes I’ve seen some of the absolute worst.

It’s easy to let oneself get angry at the disobedient kid, but it’s not really their fault. Sure, some of them are brats and act like our worst nightmares, but it’s not their fault that they’ve become like that. Somewhere along the road of growing up their parents forgot to take the exits to some of the essential moments of their upbringing. I’m not “let’s spank our kids”-old school at all, but I think that some discipline has to be in order for the kids to grow up to be reasonable and social grownups. Kids need boundaries! If they don’t have that of course they will run you over and do whatever pleases them.

I thought the amount of reality shows like Supernanny and The World’s Strictest Parents had taught us that by now, but I guess I was wrong!

I fully understand that kids with no boundaries thinks that it’s their right do whatever, whenever and however. They honestly doesn’t know any better at a young age if no one has taken the responsibility to teach them otherwise.

I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent, because no one is. But I do my best to teach my son good morals and to be polite.

He can be sassy from time to time, like any other, but he knows that there’s nothing to gain by being rude and mean.  I know that this cute little guy I now have living at home some day will move out and go out and try to make it in this world. I want him to it the right way. To work for what he wants and to be nice to the people he meets along the way of his life.

I try to discipline my son in the right way and I wish that I didn’t daily see other kids that made me wish that their parents would have just put in a minimal effort of parenting.

Discipline your kids so that they have a good start at becoming good people! And don’t blame it on the games and the movies cause you’re the boss of those as well!!

There.. I’ve lashed out enough and I’ve gotten it out of my system for now.

The truth is that I’ve had a wonderful Sunday and I wish you all the same in spite of this some what irritated Sunday night blog post 😛

Have a good night!