A New Start ✨

Let’s talk about the last year and a half. To say that it’s been a weird and challenging one would be an understatement.

The pandemic hit shortly after I found out that I was pregnant. By that time, I was already on sick leave from my job because I struggled with extreme nausea. I already felt slightly isolated at home, and then we really did become isolated. I felt very anxious about the fact that researchers had no idea how COVID-19 could affect pregnant women and their babies.
So we were extra careful, and we limited the people we met down to almost zero. In a time where I could’ve needed my friends and family more than usual, I suddenly couldn’t see and hug them like I was used to. It wasn’t the kind of pregnancy I had hoped for. I tried to focus on the beautiful miracle of the whole thing but found myself struggling with staying positive in the middle of it all. I was so scared all the time.
I was sick and lonely, but I was also very aware that I had it better than many other people in this world.

October came around, and little Noelle came into this world. Mikael could stay by my side through the whole ordeal (many other pregnant couples weren’t as lucky), and she was healthy and perfect. I wanted to share the joy with friends and family. We were lucky enough for the restrictions to have lifted a little bit by then so we could spend a little more time with family. That helped.

Christmas came, and it felt like I was on the right track to get back to my creative self, but then disaster struck. Our rescue dog became extremely jealous of the new addition to the family and tried to bite Noelle. After two episodes of obvious jealousy, it became clear that it wouldn’t work. It was so painful and sad. We had to say goodbye to a best friend, a member of the family. Luckily we had the option of him living with my ex and good friend, so we can still visit and see him. But not having him around was heartbreaking. When it came to creative projects, I had nothing to give.

2021 came around, and we found out that we had to move. The apartment we were renting had water coming up through the floorboards whenever it rained, and it would take quite some time to fix. We looked at new places in Oslo, but everything was so expensive, and we didn’t want to spend all of our income on rent.
The family reached out to us and gave us the option to live with my mom while we saved up some money and figured things out.
We were (and still are) very grateful for that!
It meant coming back to my hometown, closer to both of our families. And if there’s one thing that’s become painfully clear throughout this pandemic, it’s how much I craved being closer to my roots and my family.

We ended up living with my mom for three months. It was challenging for someone like me who needs their space and quiet time. And it was challenging for Mikael to live with someone else’s family for so long. I totally get that. We craved a space of our own and time to ourselves.
We now have that, and I will share more about that in a post soon!

But that’s not what I wanted to write about now. Instead, I wanted to share that the last six months have especially been really hard. I found myself in dark places of sadness and worry way too often, and I was slowly slipping into a bit of postpartum depression. More often than I wanted to admit, I found myself questioning all of my life decisions and beating myself up for not reaching all of my goals yet. There were a lot of tears, anger, and fights. I was not in a good place. We were not in a good place. The darkness was swallowing me, and the negative voices got so loud that I struggled to hear anything else.

But finally, after months of challenges and darkness, it feels like I’m slowly finding my way back to myself. It’s been hard, and I’m still working my way through a lot of stuff, but I’ve come to a place where I feel motivated to work creatively again.

I look forward to sharing more of what’s going on with you, lovelies! I’ve missed this!
So, I’ve gone back to the writing board, and I’m making plans for lots of content. There will be some changes, and there will be testing of new things, so bear with me while I figure this thing out. It feels like I’m starting from scratch once again, but I’m excited about this journey!

Any and all feedback is more than welcome and appreciated.💛 If there’s something you’d like to see more of, or you have any suggestions for future posts and themes, just let me know.

Take my hand, and let’s wander into the unknown.✨
And to all of you who’ve been patiently waiting for me, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart❤️

It means so much more than I am able to put into words!

The Change

“Everytime you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place.”

 

Some of the lyrics from my favorite Rascal Flatts song “Stand”. I’ve tattooed these words on the top of my back to remember myself that even the darkest and saddest of  times always leads to a new ray of sunshine.

We’ve all been there, or one day will. The day that everything changes and nothing will ever be the same again. It can be a new job, a poem you read, a new relationship or maybe the end of one.

Bruce Barton once wrote:

“When you are through changing, you are through.”

I’ve never really thought that over until lately. And knowing that we will keep on changing throughout life is both a comforting though as well as a bit scary.

Sometimes those changes are barely noticeable. Other times we have to make the big changes. And no matter how much we try to figure out life and love, there will never be a right answer to it. We will fail over and over. Some of the choices we make will be right of course. Some will seem right at the time they are made then turn into wrong ones later on. And there are those that we know are wrong but we try to make it the right ones either way.

We as humans have to go through this. To learn about the people around us, but mostly to learn about who we are. The process is hard and it can feel lonely at times, but be sure to keep the people that loves you close by.  You will need them and they will need you.

The change is coming. It always comes in one way or another.

We have to learn to embrace even though it can feel unfair and difficult.

I believe everything happens for a reason. And if you’re having a hard time, remember that you are not alone and will never be!

 

Do you need it?

If you’re not happy about your life then change it!

Easy words to say but not always as easy to act out is it?
But the truth is that sometimes we have to change. We have to take a step back and really look at the life that we lead. We have to look at the past and learn from it. Don’t live in it but don’t forget it either. You have to see where you’re heading and really reflect on how you feel about it.
And look at the present and what it’s doing to you. Is it making you smile then you’re probably doing something right. But if the present worries you and wears you out then you to change something in it. Maybe it’s just a little thing or maybe you have to turn it all upside down to really find that happy place.
Remember your dreams and your passions on the process. Don’t ever let them out of sight. Then little by little you will find what you’re looking for. You will fail a few times and you will learn even more about yourself. Remember to laugh and to smile a lot. Hug, kiss and tell everyone you love just how much!
Nothing is ever really hopeless unless you let it be.

I’ve made so many changes the past year and for the first time in years I finally feel like I’m really heading in the right direction. My new job is just what I needed and I’m writing more and more 🙂 we love our new apartment and my son is getting ready to start school this fall. So much is happening right now but I finally feel like I have the extra energy to really pay attention to the little things that easily just pass us by.

I needed to do those changes in my life. What about you?  Anything you want to change?