Posts Tagged With: life

Single with Love!

‘I know you enjoy being single and all, but don’t you miss love?’

She looked at me with judgemental eyes that were way easier to read than she probably wanted them to be.

‘Who says I don’t have love?’

When did not being in a relationship automatically become the same as lonely and without love? Just because I don’t share my rent with another person, suddenly I have no love in my life?

What a load of bullshit!

I’ve been single for almost a year now, and during that period of time I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve shared time and love with both men and women. Some are still in my life and some not. But they all have one thing in common; They’ve added something new to my life. They’ve helped me grow as a person. And through getting to know them, I also got to know myself a little better.

I have people in my life who’ve been there for many years. Friends I can’t even picture my life without. My best friends are my soulmates. The ones that I call when I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with or just to be distracted from my own thoughts. They are part of my roots, and no matter how far my lives branches stretch, they will always be connected to the those exact roots. Sometimes branches snap, but that doesn’t mean that they’re permanently broken. Over time a new branch will grow, and it will take a different shape than it had the last time around, but will still carry forth the most amazing leaves.

Some people didn’t stay around for that long. Some because they didn’t want to. Some because they couldn’t. I still love and miss them all. Because love is so much more than sharing your bed and your bills. Love is about connecting with people. It’s about growth and about being present.

Have I gotten my heart broken? Sure! Many times. Do I still love them? Absolutely!

The love might not be the same as it was, but it still lingers, like a distant memory. Because even if our relationship might change, it still contributed to my life and to the way that I love.

The beauty of cracks in a big heart is that even though it might bleed, the sunshine and warmth have more openings to enter through. I choose to be grateful for the love that I’ve experienced.

We fear the word love for being something that changes everything, but should we?  It’s been a long time since I feared the word love. Maybe I just love differently? Maybe it’s because I don’t believe in love being reserved for “the one”?

I like to say that I have too much love to give, for me to sit around and wait for one recipient. Because it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all!

So to all of you wonderful people who’ve made my life to what it is today:

I love you! 

img_0233

Categories: I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

I’ve been waiting 8 years for this!

About eight years ago I laid my eyes on a very talented man. His voice had this magical way of waking up emotions in me and I knew that his voice had somewhat changed my life.

And the rest is history!

Well.. Sort of..

After that day there’s been countless hours of listening. There’s been a trip to London, just to see him. And there’s been a lot of waiting.

I’m talking about my love for Jason Mraz and his wonderful music. His music has been such a big part of my life for the last eight years. I’ve laughed, cried and wondered with his voice being a present in the background. I’ve waiting and hoping for one of his tours to bring him back to Norway so that I could see another one of his concerts. It took long enough, that’s for sure. So long that I had to jump on a plane to London a few years back, so that I wouldn’t miss out on his Yes! Tour with Raining Jane. It was so worth the trip by the way!

But my wish came true. A little while ago a Scandinavian tour was announced and I knew that I had to be there!

So Kirsti, her boyfriend and I got tickets and made a night out of it! Sunday came and we got dressed up and went for a few beers and laughs before the concert.

And then it was time!

We got good seats and when the room darkened, Jason got on stage and the music began, I was lost in emotions! He started off with a new song (that annoyingly enough hasn’t come out yet, and now I can’t get it out of my head) and it was so beautiful! There was a wonderful atmosphere in the room, and even though there were some songs that I missed hearing, it was still a night of musical magic! I laughed, I cried and walked out of there with a big smile on my face and my heart filled with love!

What a wonderful night! I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to experience yet another amazing concert with one of my all time favorite artists, and that I got to share it with wonderful people! ❤

It was well worth the wait, but I really do hope we don’t have to wait as long for his next performance in Oslo 🙂

img_0162

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I was thinking about being alone…

Tonight I took myself on a movie date. It’s something I like to do for myself from time to time. And every time I do so, either high on fiction or lost in thought, I end up wandering around the streets of Oslo. I watch the city come to life at night, the people going from one place to another and I watch their faces and difference in moods. They give a swift glance of unknown stories. And as I walked around the city that was draped in a slightly see through blanket, protecting it from the darkness, I was struck by the feeling of wonder. I thought about being alone, and how it means something so completely different to me than it might do to most.

I thought about how we confuse being alone with being lonely.

I stood still and was surrounded by the noises nighttime offers and the blanket wrapped comfortably around me. People passed me and vanished into their own futures. I marveled at the unknowingly sharing of presence. And in a moment where I was completely lost in my own thoughts, a single tear found its way towards the ground I was lost on. Not one of sadness, but one of an overwhelmed mind. An old man and I shared a connection of souls through eyes at the very moment it happened. I offered him a smile, and got one in return. Momentarily rooted to the spot, having chosen to walk around alone, I felt surrounded by wonder and love. No person was any longer a stranger, for they were all faces connected to places that made us all cross paths.

In a world where you are everyone, and everyone is you, being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.

I’ve grown to love the time I choose to share with all the people I have not yet come to know. Cherishing the time that I feel inner peace, even though I’m surrounded by the sounds of everyone else’s lives happening all at once.

I encourage you to be alone. I dare you to enjoy time with yourself. And I challenge you to come to terms with the fact that being alone and being lonely are like two completely different worlds. That lonely is a state of mind, alone is a choice of presence.

We are all surrounded by stories, by faiths and by connections. And only when you’re truly comfortable with standing on your own, only then can you open up a real invite to connect with the world around you.

We all feel lonely from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with that! But the undeniable truth of it all, is that we’re all in this together.

dsc00706

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Song of the Enormous Heart – POEM

Inside a home of glass she stood

And tried as hard as she possibly could

To fill it up with color and song

Although every morning most was gone

Slipped through cracks barely able to see

Open wounds of what could not be

Desperately she tried to mend

With every song her soul could send

A cry for help to anyone who’d hear

As her fingers felt the growing cracks in fear

Whispers started slipping through

Speaking silently, but speaking true

Truth she almost couldn’t bear

But painfully cradled with care

Kept them safe as the cracks got longer

And her song grew ever stronger

She created every color her love could make

Exhausted to the point she’d almost break

But one day her home shattered to the ground

And her soul aimlessly floated around

All her creations wildly spread

And loudly whispers found her weary head

All her colors turned into her gown

And the pieces of glass was her crown

Her enormous heart beating strong

The melody of her most special song

One that no matter how broken or scarred 

Refused to see the world as hard

She loved with all her heart could take

Knowing her sanity was at stake

Until one day her heart devoured her whole

And all was left was a glimmer of soul

And in the dark was just a crack of light

A glimmer of memory, of her internal fight

And on the wind they could hear her voice

Singing of how she had no choice

Of how she loved with all she could

And wouldn’t change any of it, even if she could.

***

©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven

img_0013

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Lost Sound

She sat on the porch and looked out over the big garden that stretched all the way down to the river that slowly passed by. Hopeful and waiting she studied each meter, but mostly she listened. Her ears were searching for that sound that had been with her for as long as she could remember. The one that made the green grass and the dancing river feel like her home. Minutes passed in silence, and every second that turned up without the sound seemed like a tiny eternity of something lost.

She wished for it to not be gone. For that day to turn over into the next where she would hear it again. Deep down though, she knew it had nothing to do with which day she listened for it. The silence had been there for days. Suddenly one morning it had just disappeared. She waited impatiently for it to return, but was waiting for something that never would be more than a memory.

A silent drop of salt water rolled down her cheek as she came to terms with the truth. She had grown older and ageing had robbed her.

She would never hear the crickets sing again.

©Christina de Vries

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sometimes You Just Have to Bake

Today was not one of my best days. I just felt tired and slightly ill all day. Had a headache creeping up on my all day at work and it just didn’t want to let go! But as the positive person that I try to be, I tried my best to have a big smile on my face and pretend like I wasn’t in any sort of pain. It sort of worked, but as soon as I got home, had my dinner and Leander went out to play with some friends after he finished his homework, I just got so tired. I considered taking a nap, but felt like I had way too many things that I had to do. I wanted to cram in a little bit of writing, but my brain just wasn’t able to put words down onto paper at all, so I gave that up.

I stood a full ten minutes just staring out the window before my body started working without the mind really paying attention. It went to my cupboard and started picking out ingrediens for vegan cinnamon swirls. I then started to listen to one of my current listenings on Audible (which is Bird by Bird by Susan Bennett, if you were wondering) and then I just started baking. There was something so therapeutic about it. I definitely rediscovered my love for food and baking after I decided to go vegan, and the meditation of baking is just something that happened out of the blue. I tried a few recipes and then it just happened by itself. Now I find myself getting lost in the textures, the smell and taste. The joy of sharing what I make with friends, family or coworkers just gives me so much joy!

So my not so great day turned into two trays of cinnamon swirls! Not so bad! Not so bad after all 🙂

img_0916

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why I chose a job that pays less..

Grow up! Get an education! Get a job! Get a new job! Get a better job! Work your ass off! Get more pay! Get even higher pay! Then you have to work even harder! Etc. etc.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else but me? I’ve been working in retail since I was 17 years old. That’s 12 years of trying to work my way up, up and up to someday get a more comfortable everyday life.

For the past six months or so, I’ve been a store manager for a bookstore. It’s been very interesting and I’ve learned a lot from it, but when it was time to look for another job (because of my temporary position for a woman who was on maternity leave) I had to really take a long, hard look at my life to figure out where I wanted to go from  here.

I could go back to school, but as a single mom I really can’t afford it. So I started applying for similar jobs as the one I’ve been having for the last six months thinking that that was my only option. But I also applied for a couple of jobs that were not store manager positions, but sales personell. This however felt (at first) as somewhat of a setback.

So I went through the job interview process with two jobs. One store manager and one as a sales woman. I was offered both, but during that whole process I realized something.

I could choose a job with more responsibility, a little more pay and longer hours, or I could take a totally different approach to working. I could leave all the expectations from everyone else behind and I could go for a job that yes, it pays less, but instead it gives me more free time to work on all my personal projects. It will pay me enough to pay for our home, food and bills, but that’s pretty much it.

But when I looked at my dreams and my passions I had to ask myself how much I was willing to sacrifice to someday make that into my living. And you know what? Being able to someday do what I love for a living is way more important to me than being able to go out on the town once a month or buying that pretty dress.

So I chose the sales woman position at a store selling glasses. I chose to leave all the pressure of working my way up behind and redirecting my energy and time towards the people I love and my passion for writing and filmmaking.

Because in the end, the only one living my life is me, and why on earth would I want to use all my energy and time on something that doesn’t completely feed my love and passion?

This is it. A chapter is ending and a new one will soon begin.

I’m very excited!

Photo by Kirsti H. Backman

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

I was thinking about enjoying myself…

ezgif.com-video-to-gif

A while back I had some time to spare between a couple of meetings. What do writers do when they have time to spare? They order coffee and sit down to write of course!

I ordered myself a double soy latte and the barista that served me did not yell “DOUBLE SOY LATTE” when it was done. And he didn’t yell out my name as a Starbucks barista would do. He told me (with the biggest smile) that my coffee was ready, then he really looked me in the eyes and said:

‘Enjoy yourself!’

It might not sound like much, but in the instant those words hit me I thought:

‘Yes! I deserve this! I deserve to indulge myself a little extra and I definitely will! THANK YOU for reminding me!’

***

In this day and age where it too often feels like time stretches too thin, the pressure gets to us all to be better, deliver perfectly, to compete (and win) and find time to everyone and everything, it’s way too easy to forget to slow down , enjoy the moment, to let go and to be mindful.

My life has been changing a lot the past few months, and to say that it’s been hectic would be an understatement for sure. But even though there’s been a lot going on (mostly with work) I’ve learnt a lot from it and really enjoyed every part of it. Getting into new routines, learning new things and facing new challenges. But in the blur of it all, I’ve forgotten to enjoy life as much as I usually do.

I haven’t been as present in those small moments of life that we so easily overlook and see as nothing but life passing by. Boy, how wrong are we to do so?!

Those moments are the ones that are really important to enjoy to the fullest! Those moments put together are what makes up our lives.

So wouldn’t you rather enjoy them than waste them?

So in the moment when I was handwriting this post in my notebook, I was listening to my favourite writing music, sipping on a delicious soy latte, making sure to really taste every flavour of it and doing this! The one thing that no matter how bad my day is or how sad I’m feeling, it completes me. Writing.

It’s the one thing that I enjoy no matter what, and I’m making sure that I enjoy it a little extra these days, just because the wonderful and serviceminded barista that served me, reminded me that I’ve earned the right to do so!

I hope gratitude got through to him, not only in my tip and words, but also through my eyes and smile.

Enjoy the small moments! They are your life!

Enjoy yourself!

IMG_5116

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Being a vegan is making me angry!

I’ve only been a vegan for 2 months now and (as I’ve mentioned before) it’s been an amazing journey so far! But it also has me raging, wanting to scream at the top of my lungs! Because one of the really interesting things about committing to going vegan, is the need to become educated. And when you walk the path of knowing, you can never unwalk it again. You learn what you learn, and you can choose to believe it or not, but you can never choose to have not learned it.

My road of education has only just begun, and I do my very best to learn new things every day. I don’t ever want to be a person that thinks that there’s nothing more I need to know. There’s always more to know. And you can never be fully educated when it comes to life and lifestyles.

So I read, I watch and I listen. I talk to heart and I choose my paths thereafter. I think the most important documentaries I’ve watched about plant based diets are these three:

Forks Over Knives

 

PlantPure Nation

 

Cowspiracy

 

And it’s just so infuriating to watch how politics and money plays such a huge part in not making this all public knowledge. It’s scary to see know how much power agriculture has. And how they silence the people that devotes their lives that wants the truth to come out. And yes, that makes me ANGRY as hell!

We need to wake up and see the truth. We need to change our lives. We need to change the way we live and the way we eat if we really want what is best for our environment, our kids and our health.

My best friend (and amazingly talented fine art photographer) Kirsti has an Earth Hour project going on, on her blog. It features beautiful pictures every day and with it comes some tips for us all to live a better life. I highly recommend you check it out! http://hegrebackman.wordpress.com

And I know a lot of people are thinking:

‘But what the hell do you eat?’

And I think the answer might surprise you, in a good way! Living a plant based lifestyle is not about having a salad for every meal. I’ve never made so much tasty and wonderful food as I’ve had now that I committed to this. And I want to share it with you guys!

Don’t worry, this blog won’t be just about food from now on, I’m still just as obsessed with books and poetry as I’ve always been. But this place here, is my little corner of the internet. And with my personal corner I want to get even more personal with you guys and talk about what matters to me. And this MATTERS!

So I will be sharing some recipes with you. Some in video form, others in picture/written form. Because sharing is caring! And even though I do get angry in this process, I’m also filled with hope for a  better future 🙂

I love you all, and I hope you’ll join me on this adventure!

IMG_5118

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Late Night Thoughts and Coffee Cups

For some reason I always end up staying up late, immersed in my own thoughts and creativity whenever I go back home to my parents for a visit. Could be the change of scenery or maybe just the comfort of being on home base that brings out something that’s been tucked away for a while. 

Some of it probably comes from the deep conversations I have with close family and friends when I come around. They bring a lot of subjects and thoughts to the surface that I rarely touch on with other people in my everyday life. This is something that I’m extremely grateful for and definitely always look forward to when I’m going home, but it also makes for a bit of a bitter sweet experience. Late nights of writing and endless coffee refills (not that I need it. I’m pretty much immune to caffeine at this point!) has become sort of a routine. 

Over the past few days I’ve had a mini-vacation back to my hometown just to have some quality time with my family and friends, and to recharge my batteries for the hectic time to come. These last couple of days can definitely be described as interesting. Not that there’s much to tell that would be of any interest to anyone else but me, but the experience in general has just been wonderful. A lot of meaningful conversations, new ideas, reconnected friendships and lots and lots of good coffee. I crave these kind of inputs in my life on a regular basis, to clear my head a bit and to see my life and thoughts from a different perspective. It’s healthy for me, and I think a lot of people could benefit from similar experiences. We all need to step back a little from time to time, to really be able to see where everything is going and to really be able to understand ones needs. We get so caught up in everyday life (nothing wrong with that! We all live it.) that we push away the important thoughts and questions, storing them for a later and “more convenient” time. But the very truth and essence of everyday life is that it is exactly that: YOUR LIFE! It’s not the time that you wait around for life to actually start happening. It’s not the time where everything that goes down is of less significance because the events aren’t huge! It’s the everydays that mounts up to the life that you choose to live. 

I don’t knoe about you guys, but sometimes I need a little reminder of exactly that. And that’s what I love so much about coming home to the important people in my life that I don’t have around me as often as I’d like, in my everyday life. 

So I take the late nights, the deep thinking, the laughter, the crying, the joy, the pain, the tough questions, the light hearted jokes and all the cups of coffee. I take them all with so much gratefulness. Because in my experience, the only ones who takes you on that ride and asks the tough questions (and really listen to your answers as well) are the ones who truly cares about your well-being. Those are the people that I need to recharge and rethink. 

And to you (come on! Don’t pretend you don’t know who you are): 

Thank you! 

I probably don’t say that enough! Thank you! 

  

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.