Queenie Jenkins is a 25-year-old Jamaican British woman living in London, straddling two cultures and slotting neatly into neither. She works at a national newspaper, where she’s constantly forced to compare herself to her white middle class peers. After a messy break up from her long-term white boyfriend, Queenie seeks comfort in all the wrong places…including several hazardous men who do a good job of occupying brain space and a bad job of affirming self-worth.
As Queenie careens from one questionable decision to another, she finds herself wondering, “What are you doing? Why are you doing it? Who do you want to be?”—all of the questions today’s woman must face in a world trying to answer them for her.
My thoughts:
When I shared pictures of me reading Queenie on Instagram, I got a couple of DM’s from people asking me if it was true that Queenie was a lot like Bridget Jones’s Diary. I wasn’t aware that the two were being compared before that, but when I finished reading it, I saw that mentioned more and more. I have to say (even though I think Bridget Jones is good fun and all that) that to compare the two is incredibly unfair to Queenie and to Candice Carty-Williams. Why? Because the two characters are so different! And the two stories are so different! Just because both books are about single women in London, doesn’t make them the same kind of stories.
Queenie is such a complex character and what she’s going through in this book when it comes to mental health and racism goes far deeper than the struggles Bridget Jones was facing in the fear of becoming an old spinster. I’m not saying that loneliness isn’t a subject that can be complicated and emotional, but Bridget Jones is not a book about mental health, at least not in my opinion. And the big difference between the two is also that in Queenie we have a story that goes to some quite dark places, and that was something that I really appreciated with this story.
Dating in this modern age, with people walking around with all their own kind of bagage and own sets of issues, it can be difficult, challenging, hearbreaking and just downright frustrating and (at times) impossible to wrap your head around. I’ve been there, and I know a lot of people have, and that’s why I think so many fall in love with Queenie and relates to her character so much. Even though you haven’t gone through the exact same experiences as she has, it is still easy to fing emotions and frustrations to relate to.
Queenie and her friends will make you frustrated at times when you read about the choices that they make (like having lots of unprotected sex and choosing dating partners that clearly isn’t a good match), but that is also what makes these characters feel more real. They make mistakes, they are imperfect, and they are trying so hard to navigate through a complicated and weird time in this world and their lives.
Queenie is a book with lots of humor, cringe worthy moments, diversity, exploration of mental health, friendships, love, and relationships for good and for bad. It explores darkness and brightness and is also extremely entertaining! You can’t help but root for Queenie!
I would highly recommend Queenie to those readers out there who likes more complex and complicated contemporary/romance fiction. But it is not for the faint of heart! It was quite sexually graphic, and as I mentioned, it does go some pretty dark places, so that’s something to be aware of when going into this story.
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Now this is a story all about how My life got flipped turned upside down And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there I’ll tell you how I fell in love with my first love this year
I promised you guys the cheesy story of how I met the man that I’m now sharing a home with, and it’s quite the story. It all started the summer before 7th grade. One of my good friends in my class had a cousin that was moving to town and he was going to start in our class. Now, it’s been 20 years. I don’t remember our exact first meeting, and I don’t remember who asked who, but somehow we ended up being girlfriend and boyfriend that summer before school started. One day I will find my old diaries and see if the whole detailed story was written down way back when.
Mikael was the first boy I kissed. Not just a peck, but really kissed. That happened when we were at a school dance. I remember being all excited about the prospect of the big first kiss happening, and I even told my best friend Kirsti all about how it was going to happen. He and I went outside and sat behind a big mound that everyone used to play King of the Mountain on recess. We nervously looked up at the stars, I told him I was a little cold and he offered me his jacket, and then it happened. The very first REAL kiss! I was all nervous, giddy and sweaty-palmed.
Sounds like something right out of a way too cute movie, right?! But I promise you that it’s all true!
We were together for about five months. There were monthly anniversaries, making out in the dark while listening to R. Kelly’s “I believe I can fly”, and lots of emotions.
Then, (cue dramatic music) disaster happened!
His parents decided to move. He had to change schools, and it was over 20 minutes to drive there. That doesn’t sound so dramatic, right? But at the age of 12 and extremely few amounts of buses that could easily bring us to each other and back again, we decided to end the relationship. We both cried.
Many years went by, and we met now and again. When we were seventeen, we went to the same school once again, but not in the same classes.
I moved away from home after that year, and I didn’t see him for quite a few years after that, but (as we’ve discovered later on) we stayed in touch. He was much better at keeping in touch than I was.
He also started to spend a lot of time with one of my brothers as they had a mutual interest in music production and DJing. So, for many years he was still close with my family, but not that closely connected with me.
There was a birthday party of mine quite a few years later on that he attended, but I had a boyfriend at the time.
I turned 18, and I started doing some photoshoots here and there. Because of a modeling job I did at 18, I was invited to a specific party some years later. I brought three of my girlfriends with me. Apparently, he was there, and I didn’t even see him, but he saw me. And he has later on spilled the beans and told me that he was too nervous to come up to me for a chat. Silly Mikael!
Quite a few years went by after that were we texted now and then. Mostly Mikael trying to get in touch with me, and sending reactions to stuff I posted online, and me thinking that he was being a total dude who was only interested in me for one single thing, I paid little attention to these messages, and politely chatted with him if he started up a conversation. Oh yeah, way to make myself sound like somewhat of a judgemental sourpuss. I blame a lot of the men I’ve dated over the years for that.
We did, however, text a bit about the challenging times we both experienced in our relationships. Mikael had moved to Copenhagen in 2012, and I moved back to Oslo around the same time.
Then came 2018. Jason Mraz posted the schedule for his European Good Vibes Tour in 2019, and he wasn’t coming to Norway. But not going was not an option, so if Mraz wouldn’t come to the Norwegian, the Norwegian had to come to Mraz.
After going through both the tour schedule and my schedule, I was left with three options: Amsterdam, Copenhagen, and Vienna. I found out that Amsterdam had already sold out, and flying to Vienna was a lot more expensive than taking the bus to Copenhagen. I had also been looking at a tattoo shop in Copenhagen where I wanted to get my next piece of ink. The decision was made, and the tickets to see Mraz in Copenhagen were booked, and several months of waiting began.
The end of February arrived and I was sitting on an overnight bus to Copenhagen when Mikael and I started texting, and we talked about meeting up while I was in town.
“I’m headed to the Jason Mraz concert tomorrow, and there are still tickets available. You’re more than welcome to come along if you’d like!”
I didn’t think he was going to say yes, but he did, and then he booked his ticket. Then I started to get a little bit nervous.
What if it got super awkward? What if it turns out that we have nothing to talk about?
All of a sudden, I was 12 years again, with a belly full of butterflies that didn’t really make sense to me.
I had a few hours during the day where I checked in to my hostel, walked around the city and just enjoyed being the traveler that I am. And later that night, we met at the train station. We hugged, and it was obvious that we were both a little shy and awkward, but it turned out that I had nothing to fear when it came to conversations. We talked and talked. We had some wine, and then the concert started. Mraz got up on stage after the warm-up band, and a little while into the concert, Mraz turned into the greatest wingman ever. “Put your arms around the person standing next to you.” And he did. I leaned into him and it all felt so new and known, exciting and safe, all at the same time. We stood there, swaying to the music, and his arm stayed in place around me.
After a little while, my mind started to race: Is he going to kiss me? Why hasn’t he tried? Why do I want him to? Why do I feel like a nervous 12-year-old again? Why am I freaking out? IS HE GOING TO KISS ME ALREADY?
I’m usually not the one to make the first move, but right then and there, I decided to kiss him. And again, I had all of those feelings. It felt so familiar, but then again, it also felt totally new to me.
It was a night of swaying, kissing, blushing and beautiful music. We both cried.
I went to the hostel, and he went home, but before we went our separate ways, we made plans to meet for dinner the next day.
I remember going to bed that night (slightly tipsy and surrounded by 10 other snoring people) wondering if I might have made better choices when it came to love at the age of 12 than I had in the years after. Or could it all just be unfinished business that made it exciting? My tipsy self was confused and didn’t know what to think. My sober self the next morning was none the wiser.
We met for dinner the next day after I had gotten inked, and we were both acting like nervous teenagers. Both unsure of how to act. None of us daring to kiss each other. Both regretting not to after I got on the bus to go back to Oslo.
We texted a lot in the weeks after that visit, and we agreed on the fact that there was something there, but none of us felt sure about exactly what that something was. Both worrying that it might have been just unfinished business that made it all seem so exciting, or if it could be something more than that.
But what we did know was that we wanted to find out more about what that something could be. So we decided to spend Easter together. He booked a bus ticket to Oslo for April, and then life went on while we waited.
Easter came, and we were both quite nervous. It turned out to be the most wonderful time. We spent hours talking, day and night. We cuddled. We took things slow. And it felt so comfortable, so right, and so exciting, all at the same time. And when the time came for him to go back to Copenhagen, I didn’t want him to. I also didn’t feel like dating anyone else. He was my guy if he would have me. He did!
Trips back and forth. Phone calls for hours. And texting… So much texting!
And I realized one thing. Long distance relationships are tough! Especially when you live in different countries. I didn’t feel like missing him all the time. I wanted to look him in the eyes, not stare at a screen.
So, we talked it over, and he decided to move back to Norway. Not just that, but move in. Normally I would freak out at the prospect of moving in with someone that quickly, but for some reason, it just felt right.
And because this post is way too long already, I will just say that the rest is history!
Adjusting to living together has been interesting, challenging, but also fun and wonderful! I love him more and in a different way than I’ve loved any man before him. My plans for the future have changed as we’ve made plans together, and I’m so excited about all the new memories we’re going to make! And we’re bringing you guys along for some of it as well!
I’m so grateful, and I feel so incredibly lucky! And I guess that fills my cheesiness quota for a while.
Wish you all a wonderful week filled with love, laughter, experiences, and adventure!
It’s been a while, and I thought it was time to let you know why!
Don’t worry, everything is fine (except for global warming, the Amazon Rainforest is burning, and we have psychopath bullies running the world.. Eeek.. Shit just got political!) but there’s some really big changes going on in my life.
Let’s start with the really good news first! Those of you who follow me on Instagram already know this. I had love come into my life, quite unexpectedly, some months ago. It’s a really wonderful story and I will tell you all about it in a post very soon. So for those of you who don’t gag from cheesy romantic content: stay tuned!
This wonderful guy is now a part of my little family, and he even moved in a couple of weeks ago! So, it’s official: He’s stuck with this awkward weirdo! Haha!
I was open to finding love again, but wasn’t looking for it, and was very much prepared for it to not happen. What I was even less prepared for was how it would make me rethink a lot of things. But more on that later!
More positive stuff!
I was pretty much away from both social media and real life social stuff because of a really big freelance job. I will spill the beans on that later on as well, but it was a very conscious choice to drop a lot of things and focus and that job. It was one of those possibly career defining moments, and I went for it with everything I had. The result of that was a lot of work during my summer holiday, and quite a few weeks with me working what felt like two full time jobs.
And now for something else:
I wouldn’t say that it’s something negative, although it is inspired by a lot of negative things. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what’s going on in the world, what I want to do about it, and how I can help. When I look at what’s going on around us I find it hard to not lose hope, but I refuse to do so. This is our home. And the fact that we’ve been rubbish at taking care of it isn’t exactly a secret. I’ve made a whole lot of changes to the way I live my life to try to better my own life, the life of others, and the planet in general. I want my kid to have a future. I want him to be able to enjoy the wonders of life instead of having to fight to survive here. I want there to be a brighter future, even though it sometimes feels difficult to even imagine such a thing.
But I haven’t given up hope yet! And I’m still trying to do my part. I also feel like sharing the things that I do, not as a way to try tell other people what to do, but to maybe inspire and help.
So, that’s where a lot of the changes will come in. I will still focus a lot on books and literature, but I will also try to add more of my life choices, and some tips and tricks I’ve come to discover along the way.
I won’t say that I’m back, because I never left. But here’s to somewhat of a new beginning!
I’ve been keeping you secret for a while now, and I will continue to do so for a little longer. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m overwhelmed with emotion that has a need to come out. So here it is, a secret love letter:
In a time when I had sworn off dating, promised myself that I wouldn’t put myself in a position where I could get hurt again, and found myself comfortable with the aspect of being alone, you just showed up.
A blast from the past that I never saw coming.
I was so unprepared for it that it still baffles me to think about having you in my life. It feels completely surreal, but it also feels more real than anything I’ve felt for a really long time.
It is not the obsessive uncertainty and constant worry. It is not a head filled with questions, and a fear of the answers they would possibly bring. It is not a tornado of butterflies in my stomach or the struggle with trying to understand mixed signals.
You are like the ocean. When you’re around I feel completely relaxed and at home, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
Your love makes me feel completely safe. It wraps around me like a warm blanket, and it keeps me away from the cold that I’ve grown too accustomed to.
I have so many questions, but they’re all out of excited curiosity, not fear. Our future together is like Christmas, and I’m the impatient child that wants to find out what kind of magic is wrapped up and will unfold when the time comes.
Watching you around the people I love the most, seeing how you fit in as if you were always there, is like watching the most beautiful sunrise. It warms my soul and moves me to tears.
It is awesome how your dorkiness goes so perfectly with mine. We’re both idiots, and I love it!
When you cried at the ending of one of my favorite movies, that was the moment I wanted to tell you that I loved you the first time, but I didn’t. That came later.
We can talk about anything together, and that’s magic in itself. We both have our pasts and our stories. Here there are no secrets, no shame. There’s honesty and openness in a way that I’ve never experienced before.
After getting you back into my life, I’ve woken up feeling grateful every single day. Most of my days are good, some are bad, but through all of them, I feel gratitude so intense that it sometimes burst out as happy tears at the most random times and places.
The awesomeness that is us has made me question a lot of the things I thought I was so certain about. It has made me do a lot of big-picture thinking, and it has been the most amazing surprise.
Your support for my passion feels like having a whole cheerleading team behind me. It means the world to me, and I have a hard time expressing it at times. I hope you know that I support your dreams just as much!
There’s no way to really end this letter because this is just the beginning after all.
But I just wanted to say that I love you, and I can’t believe we’re here at this time of our lives, together.
Thank you for being you, and for loving me and all my weirdness.
I will keep you to myself for a little longer, but I’m excited to be able to share our adventures with the world soon!
❤️
PS: If you thought this was cheesy, then know it is all your fault! You brought the cheesy romantic in me back to life. Blame yourself and get bloody used to it 😜
I listened to an audiobook version of The Girl He Used to Know on Audible.
Tracey Garvis Graves
Genre: Contemporary fiction/Romance
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press
Originally published: April 2nd, 2019
Pages: 291 (hardcover)
Audiobook length: 8 Hours 10 Minutes
Blurb by the publisher:
Annika (rhymes with Monica) Rose is an English major at the University of Illinois. Anxious in social situations where she finds most people’s behavior confusing, she’d rather be surrounded by the order and discipline of books or the quiet solitude of playing chess.
Jonathan Hoffman joined the chess club and lost his first game–and his heart–to the shy and awkward, yet brilliant and beautiful Annika. He admires her ability to be true to herself, quirks and all, and accepts the challenges involved in pursuing a relationship with her. Jonathan and Annika bring out the best in each other, finding the confidence and courage within themselves to plan a future together. What follows is a tumultuous yet tender love affair that withstands everything except the unforeseen tragedy that forces them apart, shattering their connection and leaving them to navigate their lives alone.
Now, a decade later, fate reunites Annika and Jonathan in Chicago. She’s living the life she wanted as a librarian. He’s a Wall Street whiz, recovering from a divorce and seeking a fresh start. The attraction and strong feelings they once shared are instantly rekindled, but until they confront the fears and anxieties that drove them apart, their second chance will end before it truly begins.
My Thoughts:
I was looking for something light and slightly romantic when I was browsing through Audible for a new audiobook and found this one. Little did I know that what I thought was just a fluffy story of young love reconnected was to be so much more, and I would fall completely in love with it.
The Girl He Used to Know tells the story of Annika and Jonathan who meet when they’re both studying at the University of Illinois. We jump between the time that they met and got to know each other, and a decade later when they are reconnected once again in Chicago.
It’s easy to understand from the very beginning of the story that Annika’s mind works a little differently from most others. She is very anxious, and she talks about her experiences with therapy and how she struggles at times with everyday life.
I think this is what makes this story so unique and different. Told from the perspective of someone who obviously has some kind of mental disability (and the reader slowly, but surely gets a clearer picture of how much) but is also highly functional and tries to live as normal of a life as possible.
It was a very different kind of perspective in a love story that was new to me, and one that I really appreciated.
I want to see more stories like this. More characters with the kind of depth and difficulties that we see in Annika. And the fact that we also get a glimpse of how her challenges are perceived by Jonathan as well adds so much more to the story.
Tracy Garvis Grayes has written a beautiful and funny story. One that is both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. It took me on a journey I had no idea that I was about to venture out on, and I loved every minute of it. Even the ones where I bawled my eyes out.
This book is so much more than a love story. I wish I could explain why, but that would spoil too much, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you.
Highly, highly recommend if you want a deeper and different kind of love story that touches on some subjects of mental health and disabilities that deserves way more attention than it is getting.
Click on the Bookdepository link below to get your own copy with free shipping, and let me know what you think of the book!
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“Why? He broke your heart? You know he’s no good for you!”
Sounds familiar?
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay to miss someone and not want them back! If you need it, then I hereby give you the total freedom to miss that someone. Just try to not get completely lost in it, and make decisions that you know aren’t good for you out from that feeling. Because the missing someone, we can’t really control, no matter how much we’d like to. But we are in control of our actions based on the feelings we feel.
And even though a relationship ended for all the right reasons, or all the wrong reasons, there is a good chance that you can still look back on that relationship and see some of the parts that was good about it. You’re allowed to miss that. Often it isn’t really about missing that someone anyways, it’s usually about missing what that someone made you feel.
How you smiled more, how your heart skipped a beat, how you impatiently looked forward to the next time you would see each other again, and how your body reacted to that other person’s touch, sounds and/or smells. It is only human that when someone or something that took up so much space in your everyday life, suddenly just doesn’t, that it takes some adjustment.
I believe that we find ourselves again after every breakup, and that someone we find is naturally different from the one we used to be.
Because who are we are tend to change when you and I turns into we, and as a couple we tend do evolve together as well as on our own. And when that evolved entity breaks apart, we are left with a part that feels unfinished. We feel broken, and after the grieving and the worst of the pain we start the search, not for the one, but for the one we want to be. And that someone isn’t always the one we used to be. Sometimes it’s someone entirely different. Sometimes it’s finding a whole new you.
Well, I guess everyone’s path to walk and way to process is different, but this is how I usually experience going through a breakup.
And even though I am very grateful and happy or all the experiences that I’ve had, and how much I’ve learned from them, I still find myself missing the good parts of relationships that obviously wasn’t meant to be.
I used to beat myself up about it, but I try not to do that anymore. Instead, I let the emotions go through me, then I remind myself of the thing that I don’t miss, and afterwards I make a mental list of what I can take away from the experiences. What have I learned about the things I want (and don’t want) in my life and in my relationships.
Life is a constant education, and we have to try our very best to make the most of it. Because life is short and love is precious. People can be cruel, but they can be pretty awe droppingly amazing too.
So, don’t beat yourself up for missing someone you don’t want back. Acknowledge the fact that after everything you’ve gone through, you’re still able to see the good things in all the hurt. You love yourself enough to miss the warm feeling of your own happiness.
Give yourself a big hug (or imagine that I’m giving you one) and then get out there and make some new memories.
Friendship is a funny thing. Some last for years and years, while others for only a shorter period of time. Sometimes those who start out as acquaintances turn into friends, but other times it goes the other way around. Friends are so important to us all, but we also live out our own separate lives outside of the friendships that we have, and the time we spend with our friends will vary depending on how much time and energy we have on our hand.
Sometimes we will spend more time with certain friends than with our own family. Sometimes our friends become our family. Other times we are so wrapped up in work, kids, projects and such that we don’t get to see our friends nearly as much as we’d like to. There are even times when we don’t have what it takes to see them. When the state of our mental health is at a place where social interaction with even the people that we love the most feel like a struggle. And all of this is completely okay. It might be hard to deal with as the friend on the other side at times, just as much as the friend who’s struggling.
One thing that I find to be really hard is when I can’t really tell if a friend wants to stay a friend, or they want to move on. Just as romantic relationships sometimes come to an end, so do friendships at times.
But telling the difference between having a friend that’s just super busy, and a friend that maybe wants to move on without you, it can be hard. Maybe it’s mostly hard because it’s hard to let go. Especially when there’s a friendship that’s taken years to build. It’s hard to come to terms with all of that just going up into smoke.
Even so, there are times when the only right thing is to do exactly that; to let go.
It doesn’t mean that you would never let that friend back in, but when you’ve tried and tried again to keep the connection alive, there comes a time when you have to say;
“Look, I love you, but it feels like you’re not that interested in staying in touch at the moment and I don’t want to have to feel like I’m the only one trying. So now the ball is in your court. I will be here if you ever feel like doing something, but you’ll have to let me know if and when you want to.”
It might feel like a breakup. It might even be a breakup. But your life is short, and your time and energy is so, so valuable! Make sure you do not waste it. Set boundaries, and be honest while still being kind, not only to others, but to yourself as well❤️
So, it’s been three years since I had my last long term relationship. Three years of self-discovery, dating, heartbreaks, experiences, new friends, lost lovers and dating apps.
But over a month ago, I deleted the dating apps on my phone, and today I’m going to tell you why.
But first, let’s talk about dating apps in general.
Did you know that a university in Texas did research on dating apps and mental health? And what they found was that a steadily increasing number of users experienced feeling less satisfied with their face and their bodies after using dating apps!
Dating apps have also been linked to depression and increased levels of anxiety.
And the worst part about all of this is that I’m not even a little bit surprised.
I’ve had an on and off, love/hate relationship with Tinder for the last three years. I’ve lost count of how many times I have deleted the app, just to end up reinstalling it a week later after a couple of glasses of wine and then finding myself swiping my way to sleep.
Now I’m not going to say that Tinder is all bad. I’ve met some amazing people through the app and had some incredible adventures. I also learned a lot about myself and what I’m actually looking for.
But the increasing dissatisfaction and lowered self-esteem, I felt that too.
After several let downs by people who claimed to be looking for something serious and later admitting to not be ready for something serious (which is a bullshit excuse to try to let someone down easy instead of being honest), ghosting, and downright weirdness, I was starting to feel my self-confidence drifting away.
I found myself feeling lonely and down more often. Going on first dates no longer felt exciting for a possible good outcome, but more of a complicated track to a potential letdown. My positivity to love and dating almost disappeared completely. And when I found myself not having a natural skepticism to new people, but having the expectations of them going to hurt me in one way or the other, that was the time when I knew I had to make some changes.
To be completely honest with you guys, the night I deleted my Tinder, I sat on my kitchen counter eating peanut butter straight out of the jar and crying my eyes out because I felt lonely. I poured myself a glass of my favorite whisky, started writing down a list of things I wanted to focus and use my energy on, and then I found my phone and deleted Tinder and Happn. I felt so relieved!
And because that was a low, lower than one I had ever reached because of dating, there was a feeling of that choice being more permanent than any of the other times I deleted the apps.
So, what happened after that night?
Firstly, I haven’t been tempted to reinstall it once!
Secondly, I felt my confidence and happiness levels slowly and steadily rising again.
And thirdly, my creativity flourished!
I found myself focusing more on the things that I truly love. And without the mood swings and hours wasted on trying to search for connections, I got so much more work done than I had in a long time.
To stop pursuing dating was the best decision I have made in a really long time!
Now I’m not saying that I will never date again, but I’m not spending my time searching for that next first date, the next potential connection. I’m done with dating being a way to pass time by swiping left and right. Life simply is too short for that!
So instead of spending time on dates that goes nowhere, I’ve traveled more, written more, and met some freaking amazing people! I’ve started taking myself on me-dates again like I used to do. I’ve found my confidence back, and I find myself smiling for no reason so much more often, just like I used to. I feel like I’ve found my way back to the me that I love, and to the creativity that I’m so passionate about.
I know a lot of people find their partners through Tinder and other dating apps, and I think that’s absolutely fantastic! The world needs more love!
But I have found that my life is better without dating apps in it❤️
Today while I was sitting at a cafe in Copenhagen, I sat next to a woman and her father. The woman was crying, obviously frustrated and distraught. Her dad stroked her shoulder, and then he stood up to go and use the restroom. She then picked up her phone and called someone. I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation, or at least one side of it.
Her voice was so sad, and she told her love on the other side of the line the long process they would now have to go through because of complications, before they can potentially start a life together in Denmark.
With tears running down her face, she explained how they wouldn’t be able to see each other for the next three months, just to make sure that everything was being done according to the rules.
They agreed on that being the best thing to do while another tear rolled down her cheek, and they finished their phone call with;
‘I love you.’
Three months away from the person you love, that’s a long time. I wanted to hug her, to let her know that everything would be fine, and that love always finds a way. But who would I be to say such a thing? I’m not even sure I believe that love conquers all anymore. I have no idea if they will be fine.
But it did hit me that getting to see and hear this kind of fighting for love is the complete opposite from what I usually see. It is the counterpart to my experiences of having something great and then just give it up. This is choosing to stay, choosing to not give up, to fight for the right to be able to be together.
How easy we take that for granted! Most people meet, fall in love, and then choose if they want to take it further or not, with no other complication than their own thoughts and worries. But out there, some people have to fight to be together. They have to go through months (or even years) of struggle and time apart, before someone else makes the decision for them, or they have to start all over with another new process.
This is why I stopped dating. Why I deleted all the apps. Because so far it has not lead me even close to something so real that both parties are willing to truly try, and to fight for it. And no, I’m not saying that everyone else is the problem, because I’ve found myself in the situation where the other party wants to jump, but I wasn’t ready to take the leap because it didn’t feel right.
Now, if I find love, I hope that I won’t have to go through all the trouble that the woman crying beside me in the cafe has to go through, but to find a love that is so strong that we would both be willing to fight that hard to be together. That it wouldn’t even be a question of if we should, but only a question of what has to be done, and how do we do it?
Let’s try to not forget how hard some people struggle and work out there, just for the right to be in the same country as the person they love. Let’s not take the love around us so easily for granted❤️
So that’s it. A little story time, and a bit of a pep talk. Wish you all a wonderful day filled with love and wonders!
If it’s one thing that will never cease to amaze me, it’s how much hurt people can experience and still be able to dare to love afterward.
We all go through so much with our hearts in our hands, outstretched and vulnerable. Sometimes we experience that heart to meet another one, and they wrap themselves in each other. It can last for a few minutes, weeks, months, or maybe even years.
Other times, that vulnerable heart takes a leap of faith out of your hands, headed straight for the ground with no one to break the fall, just you to pick up the pieces.
Our hearts they bleed, and they scar. They wrap themselves in layers of protection, but somehow they always find a way to strip the layers, sooner or later. Sometimes they need a little help to get those layers off, other times, it’s just self-love that removes those layers, one by one.
Isn’t it amazing how most of us choose to go back to love over and over again, no matter how badly it hurt the last time around? One can sometimes wonder if that makes us the most stupid species of all, or the most wonderful. I choose to see us as wonderful.
For if we don’t choose love to guide us, what does that make us? If the experiences and pain of our past would make us unable to love another, how wasted wouldn’t our lives be?
But the way that we trust and love, it changes. The way we love when we are young and naive is not the same way as we love when we are older and more experienced. I’m not sure that this is a change for the better. I guess it depends on the situation.
I sometimes long for the naive kind of love that I could experience as an early teen before I knew what real heartbreak felt like. Before I learned to fear a possible outcome before I even allow myself to fall. But there’s also a beauty in all the pain one has gone through. The way I’ve learned to pick myself up again, to set boundaries, to love myself enough to say no and to see the love of friends and family to be the purest love of all.
I don’t think I would like to love naively in the world of modern dating. I’m pretty sure that would set me up for disaster. But I do hope that no matter how far away from love I feel like I’m drifting, I will always find my way back to it. That I will always allow myself to trust love again, no matter how much it scares me. And that I won’t be blinded by the layers of past events, so much so that I won’t be able to see new and real love if it crosses my path.
We, humans, are extraordinary in the way that we love when it’s done without games or hidden agendas. When it’s real, pure, and raw. When it’s done from a place of not being able to choose anything other. When we love enough to want the other person happy, no matter if that takes them away from us. When it’s kind and giving. When it’s just love❤️
Love is Still the Answer❤️
This post was inspired by one of my favorite songs from Jason Mraz’s latest album. It’s a song that has brought tears, smiles and moments of me singing out loud and dancing around, hugging myself in my living room❤️
Christina de Vries 