Backtracking to Make New Memories

There are places, sounds, smells, and sensations that are linked to not only specific timeframes and memories but also to people and feelings. Places in particular that I avoided for a long time because they were just too painful to revisit. And when I first started to go back, I saw the past everywhere.

I saw his face, the way he looked at me, and I could almost feel the way he’d touched me. I could taste the food we’d shared, smell the snow even though it was gone, hear the music and his voice. It hit me like a giant wave of the past. I felt everything all over again, and for a while, it was almost too much for me. I felt like I was invading on spaces that no longer belonged to me.

But as time went by and wounds healed, things changed. The waves turned into splashes, then heavy drops, and finally no more than a drizzle. And by then I saw so much more than I had before. I was revisiting the now of the places, and not the past. I was experiencing the moments that I was in, not all that once was.

Little by little, the places that felt like belonged to something once lost, started to feel like my own. In my backtracking, I found new spots, new faces, new smells, and new sounds. I made new memories that made me smile in places that used to bring nothing but tears.

It’s like repainting a canvas. Making new patterns out of those who are already there. And as I backtrack and make new stories in old places, I’m learning to love them in a totally new and different way.

Sometimes, journeys go backward a little before they can move on, but that does not make it any less of a journey❤️

To My Best Friend!

I know that the topic of my friends is one that keeps reappearing here on this blog. The thing is that no matter how many times I write about it or talk about, I still end up in awe whenever I think about how lucky I am to have the wonderful friends that I do in my life. So in my place of utter gratitude, I refuse to apologize for this recurring subject. I think it’s one that’s so important, and definitely worth every single post of love❤️

I’ve written about the wonderful women in my life, about how I see my girlfriends as my soulmates, and about the love that I feel in all of my friendships. I am so freaking lucky to be able to write about these things that makes me into a big ball of warm fluff! There’s just so much love!

Yesterday we had a girl’s night (Kirsti, Kaya, Helene and me) and it was so nice to be all of us together for the first time in what seems like forever!

After many hours of conversations, wonderful food, drinks, and games, we finally crawled to bed at around 3 am with smiles on our faces. Kirsti and I shared a bed, and we ended up just lying there, talking for a little while after the lights were turned off. Eventually, Kirsti drifted off to sleep, but I lay awake for a little while, reminded of how we’ve been doing this for over 20 years now. All the sleepovers, the parties, the problems, the celebrations, the breakups, the dancing, the crying, the laughing, the hours and hours of conversations, and all of the love. It’s not the first time that thinking about this has blown me away, but it still hits me just hard every time.

I feel so grateful and lucky for all of my friends, but there’s something so utterly unique and special about our friendship.

Kirsti, you are my rock and I love you to the moon and back!

Noone can ever replace you, and no friendship will ever be just like ours❤️