Let’s talk about the last year and a half. To say that it’s been a weird and challenging one would be an understatement.
The pandemic hit shortly after I found out that I was pregnant. By that time, I was already on sick leave from my job because I struggled with extreme nausea. I already felt slightly isolated at home, and then we really did become isolated. I felt very anxious about the fact that researchers had no idea how COVID-19 could affect pregnant women and their babies.
So we were extra careful, and we limited the people we met down to almost zero. In a time where I could’ve needed my friends and family more than usual, I suddenly couldn’t see and hug them like I was used to. It wasn’t the kind of pregnancy I had hoped for. I tried to focus on the beautiful miracle of the whole thing but found myself struggling with staying positive in the middle of it all. I was so scared all the time.
I was sick and lonely, but I was also very aware that I had it better than many other people in this world.
October came around, and little Noelle came into this world. Mikael could stay by my side through the whole ordeal (many other pregnant couples weren’t as lucky), and she was healthy and perfect. I wanted to share the joy with friends and family. We were lucky enough for the restrictions to have lifted a little bit by then so we could spend a little more time with family. That helped.
Christmas came, and it felt like I was on the right track to get back to my creative self, but then disaster struck. Our rescue dog became extremely jealous of the new addition to the family and tried to bite Noelle. After two episodes of obvious jealousy, it became clear that it wouldn’t work. It was so painful and sad. We had to say goodbye to a best friend, a member of the family. Luckily we had the option of him living with my ex and good friend, so we can still visit and see him. But not having him around was heartbreaking. When it came to creative projects, I had nothing to give.
2021 came around, and we found out that we had to move. The apartment we were renting had water coming up through the floorboards whenever it rained, and it would take quite some time to fix. We looked at new places in Oslo, but everything was so expensive, and we didn’t want to spend all of our income on rent.
The family reached out to us and gave us the option to live with my mom while we saved up some money and figured things out.
We were (and still are) very grateful for that!
It meant coming back to my hometown, closer to both of our families. And if there’s one thing that’s become painfully clear throughout this pandemic, it’s how much I craved being closer to my roots and my family.
We ended up living with my mom for three months. It was challenging for someone like me who needs their space and quiet time. And it was challenging for Mikael to live with someone else’s family for so long. I totally get that. We craved a space of our own and time to ourselves.
We now have that, and I will share more about that in a post soon!
But that’s not what I wanted to write about now. Instead, I wanted to share that the last six months have especially been really hard. I found myself in dark places of sadness and worry way too often, and I was slowly slipping into a bit of postpartum depression. More often than I wanted to admit, I found myself questioning all of my life decisions and beating myself up for not reaching all of my goals yet. There were a lot of tears, anger, and fights. I was not in a good place. We were not in a good place. The darkness was swallowing me, and the negative voices got so loud that I struggled to hear anything else.
But finally, after months of challenges and darkness, it feels like I’m slowly finding my way back to myself. It’s been hard, and I’m still working my way through a lot of stuff, but I’ve come to a place where I feel motivated to work creatively again.
I look forward to sharing more of what’s going on with you, lovelies! I’ve missed this!
So, I’ve gone back to the writing board, and I’m making plans for lots of content. There will be some changes, and there will be testing of new things, so bear with me while I figure this thing out. It feels like I’m starting from scratch once again, but I’m excited about this journey!
Any and all feedback is more than welcome and appreciated.💛 If there’s something you’d like to see more of, or you have any suggestions for future posts and themes, just let me know.
Take my hand, and let’s wander into the unknown.✨
And to all of you who’ve been patiently waiting for me, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart❤️
It means so much more than I am able to put into words!