I can’t turn it off…

Do you know what I miss? I miss the time when I could pick up a book, disappear into it, and leave the troubles of the real world behind for a little while.

And before I say anything else, I am very aware of the privilege it is to allow oneself to escape. A lot of people in the world don’t have the luxury of doing so. And the trouble that a lot of people face every day is a lot worse than what I’m writing about here. But I just want to share my thoughts today because I feel like my brain is boiling over soon.

For the last four days, I’ve been feeling anxious, worried, stressed, and sad. My energy levels are just extremely low and my body is making it hard to do anything but to stay put. And while I know that there’s a perfectly good reason for the physical limitations I’m going through right now, it feels like it is just making everything else escalate and get worse in my own thinking box.

I’ve been trying to read for the last few days, but my mind wanders to all the news and worries that are popping up. It’s like a horrible Jack in the Box that constantly keeps popping up, but instead of some weird clown, it’s showing me all the things that are going on at the moment in the world that we are living in and it scares me. To be honest, I would rather have the clown popping up any day!

I read about and see people who just blatantly disregard the regulations and recommendations to try to get control over a global pandemic. People are mourning close friends and/or family taken away from them because of a virus, injustice, or both. Leaders of certain countries are allowed to keep on leading even though they outright lie and disrespect the people that they are supposed to protect. People who treat other people or animals like they’re not worth anything. Women and men fearing to be honest about who they are or what they feel.

There’s so much sadness, madness, and injustice in this world. Usually, I’m able to reroute my focus over to the beautiful, wonderful, and positive things in this world, but in the last few days, I’ve really been struggling to do so.

It feels like my mind is filled with noise and dark imagery and I can’t turn it off!

I know that I’m very lucky to have so much love and so many wonderful souls in my life, I don’t think I would be able to cope with all this without them. And I know that I will get through this dark fog and come out on the other side to find the sun shining on all the good things once again.

But for now, I’m just trying my best to take the time needed, to not feel guilty about all the things I don’t have the energy or headspace to get around to, and to not be afraid of reaching out to the loved ones around me.

These are challenging times for all of us, and we don’t have to act strong all the time, even though it’s hard.

I love you guys for taking the time to read and watch what it is that I create and put out there💛 It truly means the world to me, and it makes the rough days so much easier to get through.

You are beautiful! You matter! And it’s okay to not be okay🌻

Overwhelmed!

Overwhelmed is the word of the day!

As we are getting closer to our due date, sleeping through the night is getting harder and harder. To be honest, I can’t really remember how long it has been since I last had a night where I slept all the way through. I read somewhere that scientists believe that the reason why pregnant women wake up to go to the bathroom so many times at the end of their pregnancy is to prepare the body for irregular sleep patterns after the baby has been born. I thought that was kind of interesting.

Some nights I will wake up just a couple of times, and then there are other nights (like last night) where I had to get up four or five times. So, after that kind of night, my mind and my body were already a bit tired, and not in the best place possible when Mikael got up to go to work this morning. Lately, I’ve gotten into the habit of getting up and starting my day when he goes to work, but today I just had to sleep in a little bit. I was so tired.

When I eventually did get up, I had a slow breakfast, showered, and made myself ready for the day. I had big plans to film a couple of videos and get some Instagram photos ready, but as soon as I was done getting ready it was very obvious to me that I had used the little bit of spare energy that I had left.

It started there. I started feeling down and overwhelmed by the thought of the things I had planned but didn’t feel like I would be able to do. And then my mind started to race everywhere. It went into full-on nesting mode again too, where I was starting to get stressed about everything I need to get done and ready for this baby’s arrival. And then I started thinking of all the things I worry about when it comes to delivery. And then I started to worry about delivering a baby in the middle of a pandemic. And then I started to worry about the pandemic. And so the spiral went, down, down, down, until I felt completely drained and even more overwhelmed than I had at the start of it all.

That’s when my mind went “Ahhhh! You’re doing that thing again where you don’t listen to your own body and you make everything worse for yourself. Allow yourself to have a human moment. Rest.”

So, that was the moment where I just let everything go and mentally removed all my plans for the day. I made myself a coconut latte and I started to write down what I was feeling instead, just to get it all off my chest. I definitely needed that.

The world is a scary and weird place to live in right now, and it is easy to get overwhelmed by that alone these days. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, for whatever reason, I just want you to know that those feelings are so valid and important to listen to and process.
Take the time to rest, recharge, and have those human moments.
We all need them from time to time💛

And now I’m going to curl up on the couch with a good book, a snack, and just let today be what it is. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little more productive and a little less overwhelming🌻

It’s not just a party when it’s in the middle of a pandemic!

I get that the time that we are living in now is uncertain and scary.

I get that sometimes you don’t know how to feel about it or what to do.

I get that you can feel helpless.

I get that you want to forget.

I get that you’re tired.

I get it.

I feel the same way.

💛

What I don’t get is the utter lack of consideration, understanding, and perspective.
You not knowing how to handle this pandemic does not give you the right to just ignore all the advice, throw huge parties, and risk people’s lives.

Now, let me be clear, the people that make me write this in total frustration and anger are not the few friends who meet up and have a good time while practicing social distancing. It’s those people (famous or not) who during a global pandemic decides to throw big parties and then have the audacity to brag about it on social media like it’s no big deal. Sharing pictures and videos of lots of people who are in no way socially distancing and partying like they don’t live in the same world as us where there’s a global pandemic going on!

I don’t get how some people can just ignore all the statistics. How some people seem like they think they are above all others. How they either don’t care or naively believe that they won’t get infected.
This virus can infect anyone, and most people are asymptomatic, so you might not be able to get an indicator of who has it or if you are carrying it around yourself.

There are families who haven’t been able to see one another for months, fathers/mothers who can’t be by their partner’s side while they are sick or are giving birth, people who are immunocompromised that have been isolated for months, partners separated by borders, and thousands of people dying every day!

What gives some ignorant people the right to just ignore that? I can’t even wrap my head around how they do it!

I know it feels like our lives have been somewhat put on hold for now, and if you feel sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, and/or unsure about everything right now, those feelings are completely valid. Blatantly ignoring regulations and advice to protect your own and everyone else’s health however is not!

Just another night in your life could mean the end of someone else’s life! Please remember that the next time you get invited to a big party!

Let the health workers, scientists, and politicians do their job. Save the partying for a later and safer time!

I’ll raise my glass in cheer when we can do so safely! Until then, stay safe, stay healthy, and don’t act like a Covidiot!