The World is Filled With Noise!

We are surrounded by it! I’m not talking about loud music or crazy neighbors (although some of you out there might be surrounded by that as well) no, I’m talking about the noises of expectations. All those voices, faces and adds that constantly tries to tell us how to live our lives, what kind of careers we should have, how many kids, when the right time to settle down is, what the right kind of relationship should be, what beauty looks like, and it goes on and on and on.

I used to listen to that noise when I was younger. Not only did I listen, but I took hell a lot of mental notes as well to try to map out how to make the perfect life for myself.

It wasn’t until I realized that the noise I was hearing was the product of what would make everyone else satisfied, but it wouldn’t make me happy that things started to change. Deep down I knew that I didn’t really want a typical lifestyle or a typical relationship, but my own voices had been drowned out by the constant noise of societies expectations. As soon as I stopped focusing on their voices and started to listen to my own, that’s when I fell in love with the silence.

That’s when I really started to love being in my own company, and found joy in mapping out the life that I really did want!

I started with being grateful for the things in my life that I already had. The things that are so easy to overlook when we’re always looking for something bigger or better.

I took time to just be present with myself and my own thoughts. I wrote, a lot. Lists and thoughts and dreams. Anything that would come to mind, I would put down on that paper or screen. That made it easier to sort out the noises that were still creeping in from time to time and throw those away.

Another great thing that happened was that the more I got other’s voices to leave my mind alone, the more I trusted my own inner voices. My gut feelings made more sense, and it is usually right.

It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the noise that is all around us, and so very hard to get rid of it. It’s constant work, but it is worth it.

So here’s me, one still learning how to find my very own path in this crazy world, giving you a friendly reminder to listen to the quiet. Find the things that make you happy, not everyone else, and then do THAT! Take time to be surrounded by silence. Meditate. Put your thoughts down and see where they take you.

I know I’ve said this a million times already, but I’m going to say it again:

LOVE YOURSELF❤️

There’s no one else quite like you, so don’t take away the chance for the world to experience the wonders that you can do!

Let’s Talk About Changes

Or rather the constant change in our bodies. I’ve gone through some ups and downs when it comes to weight. I went through pregnancy at age 19, and a whole lot of changes happen through that time, and for a while after as well. I’ve had periods of time where I’ve been quite fit, and then some when I have been “just slim”.

It’s a weird thing how we look at ourselves so differently through our changes, but also how we perceive ourselves through the the changes in our lives. If I’m having a shitty day, I very rarely look at myself in the mirror and think “But damn! At least I look good!”

Our moods and our feelings shines through with our body language. And it never fails that the days where I feel good and grateful, those are the days where the unexpected compliments suddenly make their appearances.

I’ve been noticing a few new changes in my body over the last weeks, mostly because I’ve been focusing on taking better care of both my body and my mind. And I think it’s important to think about how removing toxic elements from your life can make just as much of a difference to your confidence as removing the toxic food that will show healthy changes in your body.

To be clear, I’m not talking about dieting. I’m talking about being mindful about what you put into your body.

Our bodies and our minds are so fascinating and wonderful in so many ways. It’s about time we started to treat both as they deserve. And I know it’s not always easy. Toxic elements have a funny way of sneaking up on us and hang around for way longer than we should’ve allowed them. But the more we focus on body positivity, healthy lifestyle and making good changes, the easier it will be to love yourself and to make good choices!

Love your body and your mind enough to take good care of both, and be mindful through the changes ❤️

With No Shame!

The photo is by the wonderful Thomas Amdahl 😊 Check out his Instagram here!

Isn’t it weird how the most natural part of us, the bodies that we are born in, are causing us so much anxiety, stress, and insecurity? How often do we look at it and think that it’s not good enough? How many times have we made plans and changes in our lifestyles just to alter our human form? How often have we compared ourselves to others? And how many of these times were we actually comparing our real bodies with those that are manipulated and unrealistic?

We grow up watching picture perfect bodies and faces and come to expect ourselves to meet those standards. We let ourselves be fooled into thinking that the fiction and manipulation that we see every day is in fact real.

It’s so unhealthy and we are all victims of the crime of doing it. Some way more than others.

And in the midst of all the fake, so many have become uncomfortable with their bodies and about nudity. They see it as something that’s filthy and offensive. This wonderful and natural thing that embodies our souls has been corrupted in the minds of its own beholders.

We should be able to talk more openly about our bodies, with no shame. We should be able to be proud of the skin we are in, with no shame. We should be grateful for the gift that it is, and what it allows us to do, with no shame.

It’s so wonderful to see that more and more fashion brands are choosing to use models of different colors, shapes, and sizes. That people so clearly has had enough of being fooled, discriminated, underrepresented, and deceived. The demand for real bodies and real images of those bodies are being heard, and it makes me so happy!

We have a long way to go though, but I think we have to start with getting a healthy relationship with our own bodies. We have to be grateful for what it can do. We have to fall in love with it and take good care of it, and yes sometimes that means just staying in bed and eat ice cream. Being good to ourselves and to love our bodies isn’t always about working out or eating super healthy. It’s also about allowing oneself to indulge and to enjoy. To not be so mean to ourselves. To find that childlike joy and curiosity in exploring our bodies.

So take the time to get to know your body. Be proud of the body that you have, even though you might be on a journey with it. Be mindful of the transformations and the senses.

Love yourself, with no shame ❤️

One Comment – Years of Insecurity

I started doing a bit of work in front of the camera right after I’d turned 18. It was exciting and different. It was a new way for me to be creative, but also a way to experience other people’s creativity.

Even though I did enjoy most of the modeling work that I did do back in the day, I do see a major difference on how I approached it back then and now.

I remember very well how it felt the first time a photographer told me that a certain company didn’t want to use me because I was too fair skinned. They wanted typical tanned Norwegian girls, and I did not fall into that category. It wasn’t a huge blow to my confidence, but I remember feeling it a little bit still.

There was another moment though, and that is one that I remember very clearly. I did an ad piece for a Norwegian shopping mall, and when the pictures were sent to me I was shocked to see that the face staring back at me was not one that I really recognized.

“I edited your face a little. Made your nose smaller and your eyes a little bigger.”

I had been struggling with insecurities about my nose for a long time, and I remember that as a point where it escalated, and every time I would look in a mirror all I would see was this big thing that was smack in the middle of my face.

It went as far as me booking a consultation with a plastic surgeon for a possible rhinoplasty, which by the way is a horrible name for that job! As if the people who reach out and consider doing something about their nose aren’t insecure enough about that part already!

I never went to the appointment, and slowly over time, I learned to love myself for who I am and what I got. Sometimes I still get really self-conscious about my nose, but it doesn’t overwhelm me like it used to.

Some people are so oblivious to the impact their words and their actions can have on other people’s lives. It’s frightening!

It took a lot of practice to learn self-love, and it’s something that I think is important to constantly work on. Our bodies change all the time, but it’s so important to be grateful. I have legs that walk, hands that can hold, arms that can hug, lips that can kiss and taste, a nose that can smell the things around me, eyes that see, no illnesses or allergies, and no pain in my everyday life. I’m so insanely lucky, and for many years I had a hard time focusing on that.

I was also incredibly lucky to get to work with some amazing photographers through the years that have helped me build my confidence and self-love instead of tearing it apart. People who make art because they love it, not because they want to make something that just fits into a certain box that is requested.

I am also very lucky to have grown up in families that are very body positive. Parents that have a very healthy relationship with their body and with nudity. Surrounded by people who were supportive and loving. If that hadn’t been a part of my upbringing, I’m not sure I would’ve coped as well with the comments and the insecurities that I’ve struggled with.

I also have amazing friends and we compliment each other all the time❤️ That’s something we always have and always will be doing!

I don’t work with photographers as often anymore, but it happens from time to time. I do however really enjoy taking my own pictures and doing my own editing in PhotoShop. But even though I love to play around with the editing, there is one thing that I’ve promised myself, and that is to never alter the look of my face or my body. I play around with colors and textures, and I might remove a pimple from time to time, but other than that I think it’s important to be true to oneself and to not let oneself be defined by fake reality.

My son will be a teenager in just a couple of years (I know!? Yikes!!) and I want him to grow up seeing real girls and real women being portrayed in movies, photos, and ads. I want him to appreciate real beauty and real human beings. And that does not apply to just women of course! I want him to grow up in a world where people are shown as the wonderful, fantastic, amazing and confusing creatures that we are.

I want him to have a healthy relationship with himself and his own body. To see the real beauty in the people around him, instead of searching for some unrealistic ideal of a human.

We all have the power to do something, and I think most of it starts with loving yourself. Find that self-love and that gratitude, and practice it as much as you can! Then go out into the world as a good example. Share the love and the gratitude!

And most importantly, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough! I know it’s hard, and I struggle alongside you, but the truth is that they have no right to tell you so! They have no right to try to define you or to change you. Set boundaries and don’t be afraid to let them be heard!

You are amazing and beautiful, no matter if some idiot(s) have told you differently!

And if you ever need a reminder of how awesome you are, then I am here! I will try my very best to share my love and my gratitude with you ❤️

☼

 Photo is by the wonderful and talented Isidoro Peregrino💛

The Mark ● POEM

One circle connected to another 

The mark of infinity 

One my fingers have made 

On skin without me noticing

Tracing a wish for no ending

On shells of souls I wanted to stay 

But neither of them turned into forever

They would stay for a little while 

But one after the other 

They spread their wings and left

Leaving my hands to make marks

Of forever into thin air 

On paper, in the sand and on my own skin

I got to know my own shell that way 

Came to love it, and thought 

Infinity with love sounds nice

As long as I love the skin I’m in

Sharing my soul with me

Is quite the privilege 

One I’d taken for granted

One I came to know and love

In so many new ways

I stopped drawing looping circles

Spread my own wings and flew 

Never quite leaving,  but wandering

Going places I never thought I would

Seeing faces I will never forget

My heart and soul filled with marks 

Ones that fade over time

But hopefully never leaves

●

©️Christina de Vries

I’m So Sorry!

I know I talk to you all the time, and we share everything. But sometimes, there are things that I forget to tell you, and things I forget to do.

I don’t tell you that you’re beautiful every day…

I should! Because you are, even when you don’t think so. Even when you don’t feel like you are. Don’t believe anyone who tells you differently!

I don’t give you enough credit for all the hard work you do…

I know you work your ass off, and try to fit more hours in a day, even though you know you can’t. You’re a powerhouse of creativity, and all your hard work is going to pay off soon. You’ve already noticed that things have started to change, haven’t you?

When you’re down, I don’t always offer the loving words that you need to hear…

Which is a shame, because it is in those moments that you truly need me to say them. In many ways, I’m the only one you need to hear them from. Sometimes, those words are all that matters.

Sometimes I forget to give you space…

I know I can be demanding and sometimes I encourage you to do things, even when you don’t really have the energy to. I will try harder to remember that you need time to breathe and to relax.

I even put the whole world on your shoulder from time to time…

I will try not to. No one is strong enough to hold it all at once, not even you!

Truth be told, I don’t always believe in you…

That’s utter bullshit, and I’m so sorry! You’ve proven me wrong, over and over.

I scare you sometimes…

From time to time, I forget how fragile you can be. I forget to handle you with care in those moments. I tell you stories that has yet to come, and I can sense that they scare you out your mind sometimes. I really shouldn’t do that. Together we should prepare ourselves for likely outcomes, not be terrified of unlikely maybes.

I don’t tell you that I love you…

As often as I should!

This is the one thing that I regret the most, and I offer my sincere apology for that awful mistake. I will never be perfect, and there will be more apologies in the future, but never doubt my love for you!

Because I will always love you, even when it doesn’t seem like I do.

– Self Love 

 

 

Naked – POEM

I am naked

Photo: Bjørn Hatling

To call out the voice of shame

Laugh in its face

Beat it at its own game

 

I am naked

To bare my very soul

What’s inside this flesh

Is what makes me whole

 

I shed my clothes

And fear screams of treason

But when I really listen

It’s clear that love is the only reason

 

I sit proudly

And let the wind touch me

Melt me into all that is and will be

Allowing this body to be free

 

I am naked

But not as an act of lust

I’ve shaken off the layers

In a personal sign of trust

 

I am bare

Like I once arrived into light

I push away unreal expectations

This is how I choose to fight

 

I am raw

            As I connect with all that is

            Get to know these eyes that see

            This soul that moves and lips that kiss

 

I am nature

            And all around is me

            I am naked

            Because I choose to be

 

©Christina de Vries

If Only We Could Replace Your Face

When I was about 14 years old, I had a crush on a guy that was my friend. We had som pretty long conversations over the phone, and I could always count on him being honest with me. I don’t remember much from all of the late night conversations we had, but there’s one conversation in particular that I will never forget. It’s the one who broke down my already battered self esteem.

I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but for some reason he told me that he’d overheard some of the guys talk about me. I asked him what they said, and at first he was reluctant to tell me. He did eventually tell me though, and in hindsight I wish he never had.

“The guys think you have a really good looking body, they just wish that they could replace your face.”

My whole life crumbled at that moment. The little self esteem a bullied 14 year old me had vanished. I remember crying in my room after my mom and the rest of the family went to bed. Sobbing as quietly as I could.

For years I only saw myself as “a body”. When I looked in the mirror I could appreciate my shape, but there were so many things I wanted to change when it came to my face. I got into modelling when I turned 18, and that made it even worse after a while. After seeing the photographers photoshop my nose smaller again and again, the complex I already had for my nose grew into a giant monster that was constantly sitting on my shoulders, whispering about how wrong my face was and how I should probably think about doing something about it.

It got to the point where I actually had booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon, but when the day came I just couldn’t bring myself to go.

I was determined to fix it one day though. For years it felt like something I really needed to do sooner or later.

Kids can be so cruel, but often they don’t know the impact their cruelty can have. And I really want to believe that they don’t know that their bullying can change peoples lives for years. The media business is a whole other story for another day.

I feel lucky that I’ve grown to love myself and the way I look. That I’ve learned to appreciate the things that makes me look different. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same.

Do I still have moments where I don’t like what I see? Yes, that monster sometimes returns at weak moments and whispers things when I’m having a bad day.

Do I still want to do something about my nose? No, I have no plans of going through with rhinoplasty. This is the nose that my parents gave me, and this is who I’m supposed to be.

Self love is something that’s very important to me, and something that I’ve written and talked about several times. It’s something we all need to practice more and help each other out with. Self love can be a tough exercise, but we all need to do it and do it more often!

I’m currently taking notes for a few self love videos that I’m hoping to make this fall. I’m excited to be working on something that’s so important to me, and I look forward to sharing it with you guys!

Love yourself and share your love!

The Truth of You by Christina de Vries (Poem)

They said it was too pale my skin

As if it was wrong the body I was in

Young and foolish, it had to be true

The words stuck to me like superglue

Reminding me that I was weird

And all that mattered was how I appeared

 

But somewhere in it all came a change

Where different was no longer strange

But something that I learned to love

Something it turned out I was proud of

That of which is part of me

The truth that truly set me free

 

No matter color it does not matter

All and any day wouldn’t you rather

Stand out as someone to remember

Into your uniqueness then surrender

Love yourself for what is the truth of you

And the ones who matter will do too

***

©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven

 

You don’t have to try so hard!

The first time I showed this song to one of my girlfriends she was in tear. I had the exact same reaction when I heard it the first time.

Now I would like to share it with you guys!

We use so much energy on trying to fit in, to look the way that the media tell us is the right way, to be popular and to be loved.

How easy it is to get caught up in it all. To find out one day that even though there are so many other people who likes you, you don’t really like yourself. We need to stop trying to be what everyone else wants us to be and focus on becoming the one that we would like to be.

You need to love yourself before anyone else can possibly love you for the one that you truly are.

Watch, listen and enjoy!