Posts Tagged With: self esteem

If Only We Could Replace Your Face

When I was about 14 years old, I had a crush on a guy that was my friend. We had som pretty long conversations over the phone, and I could always count on him being honest with me. I don’t remember much from all of the late night conversations we had, but there’s one conversation in particular that I will never forget. It’s the one who broke down my already battered self esteem.

I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but for some reason he told me that he’d overheard some of the guys talk about me. I asked him what they said, and at first he was reluctant to tell me. He did eventually tell me though, and in hindsight I wish he never had.

“The guys think you have a really good looking body, they just wish that they could replace your face.”

My whole life crumbled at that moment. The little self esteem a bullied 14 year old me had vanished. I remember crying in my room after my mom and the rest of the family went to bed. Sobbing as quietly as I could.

For years I only saw myself as “a body”. When I looked in the mirror I could appreciate my shape, but there were so many things I wanted to change when it came to my face. I got into modelling when I turned 18, and that made it even worse after a while. After seeing the photographers photoshop my nose smaller again and again, the complex I already had for my nose grew into a giant monster that was constantly sitting on my shoulders, whispering about how wrong my face was and how I should probably think about doing something about it.

It got to the point where I actually had booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon, but when the day came I just couldn’t bring myself to go.

I was determined to fix it one day though. For years it felt like something I really needed to do sooner or later.

Kids can be so cruel, but often they don’t know the impact their cruelty can have. And I really want to believe that they don’t know that their bullying can change peoples lives for years. The media business is a whole other story for another day.

I feel lucky that I’ve grown to love myself and the way I look. That I’ve learned to appreciate the things that makes me look different. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same.

Do I still have moments where I don’t like what I see? Yes, that monster sometimes returns at weak moments and whispers things when I’m having a bad day.

Do I still want to do something about my nose? No, I have no plans of going through with rhinoplasty. This is the nose that my parents gave me, and this is who I’m supposed to be.

Self love is something that’s very important to me, and something that I’ve written and talked about several times. It’s something we all need to practice more and help each other out with. Self love can be a tough exercise, but we all need to do it and do it more often!

I’m currently taking notes for a few self love videos that I’m hoping to make this fall. I’m excited to be working on something that’s so important to me, and I look forward to sharing it with you guys!

Love yourself and share your love!

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Categories: Beauty, I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Truth of You by Christina de Vries (Poem)

They said it was too pale my skin

As if it was wrong the body I was in

Young and foolish, it had to be true

The words stuck to me like superglue

Reminding me that I was weird

And all that mattered was how I appeared

 

But somewhere in it all came a change

Where different was no longer strange

But something that I learned to love

Something it turned out I was proud of

That of which is part of me

The truth that truly set me free

 

No matter color it does not matter

All and any day wouldn’t you rather

Stand out as someone to remember

Into your uniqueness then surrender

Love yourself for what is the truth of you

And the ones who matter will do too

***

©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 10 Comments

You don’t have to try so hard!

The first time I showed this song to one of my girlfriends she was in tear. I had the exact same reaction when I heard it the first time.

Now I would like to share it with you guys!

We use so much energy on trying to fit in, to look the way that the media tell us is the right way, to be popular and to be loved.

How easy it is to get caught up in it all. To find out one day that even though there are so many other people who likes you, you don’t really like yourself. We need to stop trying to be what everyone else wants us to be and focus on becoming the one that we would like to be.

You need to love yourself before anyone else can possibly love you for the one that you truly are.

Watch, listen and enjoy!

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