Posts Tagged With: single

Single with Love!

‘I know you enjoy being single and all, but don’t you miss love?’

She looked at me with judgemental eyes that were way easier to read than she probably wanted them to be.

‘Who says I don’t have love?’

When did not being in a relationship automatically become the same as lonely and without love? Just because I don’t share my rent with another person, suddenly I have no love in my life?

What a load of bullshit!

I’ve been single for almost a year now, and during that period of time I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve shared time and love with both men and women. Some are still in my life and some not. But they all have one thing in common; They’ve added something new to my life. They’ve helped me grow as a person. And through getting to know them, I also got to know myself a little better.

I have people in my life who’ve been there for many years. Friends I can’t even picture my life without. My best friends are my soulmates. The ones that I call when I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with or just to be distracted from my own thoughts. They are part of my roots, and no matter how far my lives branches stretch, they will always be connected to the those exact roots. Sometimes branches snap, but that doesn’t mean that they’re permanently broken. Over time a new branch will grow, and it will take a different shape than it had the last time around, but will still carry forth the most amazing leaves.

Some people didn’t stay around for that long. Some because they didn’t want to. Some because they couldn’t. I still love and miss them all. Because love is so much more than sharing your bed and your bills. Love is about connecting with people. It’s about growth and about being present.

Have I gotten my heart broken? Sure! Many times. Do I still love them? Absolutely!

The love might not be the same as it was, but it still lingers, like a distant memory. Because even if our relationship might change, it still contributed to my life and to the way that I love.

The beauty of cracks in a big heart is that even though it might bleed, the sunshine and warmth have more openings to enter through. I choose to be grateful for the love that I’ve experienced.

We fear the word love for being something that changes everything, but should we?  It’s been a long time since I feared the word love. Maybe I just love differently? Maybe it’s because I don’t believe in love being reserved for “the one”?

I like to say that I have too much love to give, for me to sit around and wait for one recipient. Because it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all!

So to all of you wonderful people who’ve made my life to what it is today:

I love you! 

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Tipsy Talk – Single at Pushing 30

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To Be Alone

I’ve always had somewhat of a fear of being alone. That’s why I never stayed single for long and tried to have people around me most of the time in the past. But the past couple of years that has changed significantly. I’ve pondered over this as my love for being in my own company grew bit by bit and I’ve come to the conclusion that in my case it has to do with confidence. While I built up my confidence and started to really love myself, flaws and all, I started to enjoy my own company much more. The thought of being alone isn’t as frightening anymore and this combined with an irrational fear of relationships keeps me single and quite comfortable.

Do I want to share my life with someone?
Well, of course!
Do I stress the issue?
Not by far. It’ll happen when it happens.
And to have that thought comfortably in mind is quite a new thing for me and I’m exploring it to the fullest.

Yesterday I walked around in the city for almost an hour while listening to an audio book. I saw much of the city in a way I haven’t seen before.
I’ve done dinner and a movie on my own company. Going home to bed wasn’t as exciting, but I wasn’t disappointed either.
Today I went looking for furniture by myself. I enjoyed walking around in IKEA, planning how my next home is going to look like, touched upon the feeling of being the only one to do the decision making. It felt nice!

I do look forward to the future that is coming my way. Because now that I am comfortable, when I love myself for who I am, now I am finally in a place where I go for all that is good for my body, mind and soul. I’m very (probably annoyingly) optimistic about the future!

Easter is going to be a lot of writing and some good red wine. Some in company of good friends, but mostly in the company of the ginger that I have come to respect and love.

So I encourage you to enjoy your own company more often. Not by sitting at home by yourself, but by doing things you normally don’t do alone. You might be surprised 🙂

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