If you’ve ever had a profile on a dating app/site, I’m pretty sure you’ve gotten that exact question more than once.
What do you answer?
I used to be all casual about it. A typical answer of mine would be “Just here to get to know new people, and then we’ll just have to see.”
And it was never a lie. To be open for dating is to want to meet new people, but what I didn’t realise (before getting burned a couple of times) is the fact that if you don’t specificly tell people that you’re interested in something serious, they take it for granted that you’re just dating to pass the time. That you’re not looking for anything serious, because neither are they. Funny how that truth suddenly appears to them.
“I’m not really sure if I’m looking for a relationship right now.”
“I just realised that I don’t really want anything serious.”
“My career is too important to me to let myself get distracted by love.”
I call bullshit!
Yes, you might not want anything serious, but you don’t just suddenly realise that. It doesn’t come out of the blue. And this is exactly why modern dating is so freaking hard. People aren’t being honest to each other. We’re not expressing ourselves clearly enough, and that’s how people end up being hurt. We build up these expectations and hopes for something that might be, and when those are shut down, like lightning from a blue sky, that can be a really hard blow to take.
If you’re just looking for some fun to pass the time, well good on you, but tell the other person that. Don’t lead them on to believe that there’s a potential for something more down the line.
If you’re getting back into dating, but you’re not really sure if you’re ready to commit to something serious, be open about it.
We need to be more honest. Be more open. Communicate more and better. Because that is how we grow and how we learn about each other and ourselves.
So what do I answer now when people ask?
“Let me be honest with you. I’m looking for love. I’m very comfortable with my single lifestyle, but I would love to meet someone that could be a lifepartner. This is not something that I will ever rush, and I’m not looking for casual dating just for fun, or someone to just settle down with because it’s time I do so. I’m looking for deep connections, good conversations and new experiences. This might not be the answer you were hoping for, but it’s the truth.”
Honesty can be too scary for a lot of people, but you know what, that’s okay. If you can’t handle that little piece of honesty, we’re not on the same page anyways.
I love myself too much to be anything but honest about what I invite into my life❤️
Christina de Vries 